We’re friends, fighters, lovers (in the case of Ray and Andy) and, to a man, battle-hardened pool playing veterans.
For some of us it had been a busy weekend of pool. Craigy, Brad, Andy, Terry, Neil and myself had all been at the Interleague finals in Great Yarmouth. I’d entered the national singles and so had played 6 hours on Thursday, another 9 hours Friday and 5 more Saturday. With so much baize-time under our belts neither team was going to have much in the way of excuses as we lined up to face each other in the semi finals of the world’s greatest knockout pool competition! [that last bit was a complete lie – ED]
DREAMS MEANS HEINZ
or
57 varieties and all of them budget
For some reason Monday’s semi-final was being played at the Barn Club in Marlow, the home venue of Heinz 57. This is notable only for the fact that previous semi-finals had been held at neutral venues. Had we thought about it we could have asked the captain of Heinz 57, one Terrence Dingley, who also happens to be the League Chairman, but that happy coincidence escaped us as we prepared for the biggest match of our season. We were looking forward to playing at NMCC on a the nice supreme table, but the Barn Club had two tables in very good nick and I was quite impressed by the set up.
For the match that could make or break our season Coach Southam had seven of is finest to choose form. John 'Sol Campbell' Young had not been heard from since the previous Monday. He was supposed to be coming to Yarmouth to play in the Interleague finals but never appeared and no one had seen or heard from him since the previous last Thursday. His continuing absence left us with The Wonder, The Bear, Muttley Wilson, Magic Cameron, Tizzard the Wizard, Hokey Cokey Shiel and Coach Southam. Who was going to be dropped?
SELF SACRIFICE
It’s 16th March 1912, and Captain Scott’s hand-picked team of explorers had been beaten by the Norwegians in a race to the south Pole, and they faced near-certain death as their return trip was best by problems and injury. Aware his ill-health was slowing the team down and compromising their lives, Captain Lawrence Oates told them that he was “just going outside for a walk and I may be some time” before walking out into the blizzard.
In a act of perhaps even greater self-sacrifice Coach Southam took himself out of the first six. Was it the supreme act of selflessness a la Oates and his suicide? Perhaps. Of course it may have had something to do with the fact there was no Showboat Jackpot anymore and without the money he wasn’t interested. Either way he was on a drop-tip.
Hokey was up first and looked set to clear up on his first visit. We girded our loins and braced ourselves as finally John looked set to deliver the clearance he had promised for three months, but it wasn’t to be as he rattled his second last ball. Ray "I love you Andy" Wootton attempted a snooker but left John with second chance to win it, but with almost no angle on his last red he couldn’t get up the table for the black. It left a long double to put us one up and although it looked to be flying in, it rattled in the jaws and Ray took out a nice finish for the Heinz.
The Wonder played Sean Gourley in frame two, a frame that he never really got much of a look in. Sean had it sewn up early on and after failing to cover a pocket Sean finished and we were 2-0 down.
We needed to turn this around and it took a bit of luck to set us on the way. Andy "I love you Ray" Brant was up against Brad and almost from the beginning of the frame it looked like just a matter of time before Andy won the frame. Maybe it was the pressure, maybe it was the fact that he kept breaking wind every three minutes - either way Andy missed a simple black to the centre and the Bear swallowed up the opportunity. It was 2-1 when we really should have been three down.
Muttley Wilson was up next against Aslan AKA Steve Carmichael. The omens were ominous for the pack. Not only Steve’s golden mane back to it’s optimum length and shine, Craigy had been awful at Yarmouth - and that’s being kind to him. But when he broke against Steve "she wanted more" Carmichael and potted four reds he was happier than a Great Dane with its head sticking out of the car window. A few shots later Muttley had dished up and it was “levels you devils” at 2-2. Suddenly that miss of Andy’s was looking more and more important.
When Tizzy wiped out Mark Rowley and Neil beat Nik "Salsa King" Stapley in the space of 15 minutes we headed into the break 4-2 and seemingly in cruise-control. Not even the Heinz 57 ‘s wind section i.e. Andy’s backside or their attempted gang bang of our Coach during the interval could derail us.
A GAME OF TWO HALVES
Coach decided that he wouldn’t play in the back half either, and left it to us to seal the victory our first half play deserved. The next two frames would be vital and The Bear put us 5-2 up by beating Ray. Craigy was now unstoppable and Sean Gourley was his next victim to take us to the brink of victory at 6-2. It now became a matter of who would take the winning frame. The Wonder was up next and showed just how confident he was by declaring "don’t worry, we will still have three more winning chances after this one". True to his word he broke, came up dry, and Andy cleared up. It was a typical Andos finish - it looked easy but he whammed his third last red in and the white was hurtling along too fast. But it caught the middle knuckle and bounced out into the centre of the table to leave him perfect on the next ball. Two shaky pots to the middle later it was 6-3. A mere consolation frame for Heinz?
Hokey Cokey was next. He had taken more verbals this summer than a first-day recruit at boot camp, and after all the flak it was fitting that he would take the winning frame to put us into the final. Everything went according to plan and all that was needed was a long red to then finish on the last two and...oops! The pot missed by a long way and for once the phrase of "Maidenhead is closer" was bang on. A let off for Heinz and Steve Carmichael pulled it back to 6-4. The only thing tidier than his finish was his hair.
Not to worry, with Tizzard The Wizard up next against Nik Stapley we would be alright. And we were alright, right up until the point where Nik dished up off Tizzys break. 6-5 and it was time for a change of trousers.
Frame twelve, and Terry had gambled on his team getting them this far and put himself on last. Terry broke and they were all on. Neil stepped in, took out four reds and then was left with a long one to the corner. With two other reds over the pockets it was all on this pot to take us to the final! When the red was last seen bouncing back up the table in the direction it came from we knew we were in serious trouble. Terry had been on top form in Yarmouth over the weekend and he carried it on here. A couple of safety shots take a few bags, push a red safe and the next thing we knew Terry was on a black for an incredible 6-6 finish.
"GET IN THERE!"
6-6 and it was eyes down for the decider. The season that was 144 frames old now rested on one single match up.
I had this feeling we were going to lose. It had been an odd match, 2-0 down, winning six in a row then losing four in a row. Both momentum and history were in their favour. Look back over the last three years and we have been knocked out twice already on sudden death frames. Andy Treadwell and The Wonder had all failed when it mattered and now it was down to the Bear to save us. In truth we could have taken Craigy as he was potting them off the chandeliers but Brad was pretty much the automatic selection. Maybe we should throw in a googly and put the Coach in for his first frame of the night? Maybe not.
As it happened we went with Brad and Heinz went with Sean Gourley. As they began the 13th and final frame you could have heard a pin drop - if it was loud enough to be heard over Andy’s near-constant wind.
The break went well for Brad and it was just a matter of time for when he made his move to win it. When Sean went for a rather odd attempt at a snooker rather than clear a pocket it looked like it was ours. Brad had two yellows stuck together two inches from the middle pocket and in a perfect plant, the other yellow close to the opposite middle and a black that went into the corner. But after potting the plant Brad overran the white. It was tense stuff and it was showing. It left a nick into the middle that went in and when the white knocked into the black leaving a long “Robbie Williams” yellow to the top left I finally thought to myself "we've got it, thank goodness for that".
and then he missed it...
It wasn’t’ an easy pot under the pressure and when Brad starting leaning to his right and staring the ball down as it made its way to the pocket it was always going to be touch and go whether it dropped. It didn’t. Sean was left with a simple finish to take the frame and match and 'like that *poof*..it’s gone"
We were out, and yet again on the deciding frame. How does a team as good as us blow a 6-2 lead? How can we lose five in a row like that? In truth I don’t think we did much wrong. John missed a red to win it back at 6-3 but The Wonder and Tizzy never saw a chance. Neil had a tough long pot in his match and once that missed Terry never looked like losing that frame either. It was just one of those things. We rattled in six frames after going 2-0 down where they didn’t get much of a look and the pool gods obviously decided to level it up. I guess it’s just one of those things…just one of those things that keeps happening to us year on year, summer after summer! We have to take our hats off to the Heinz boys. Backs to the wall, and even though we only handed them a couple of chances at a finish they didn’t miss at all when that chance came. It was an excellent performance by them under pressure and perhaps in the wake of the result we all kind of forgot just what a quality match it was. We saw four dishes if I remember rightly (Craigy, Brad, Andy and Nik) and very few frames where there was a genuinely bad shot or missed ball.
So Heinz march on to the final and we pick up our cue cases and march off in a strop yet again. Can we sack Coach Southam? He didn’t play himself so we cant really blame him or can we? Bottom line - we failed!
"We took it hard, we took it long" The Heinz 57 mascots Ray & Andy show us how it's done.
This Saturday is the pool event of the year. No, not Thames Valley League presentation night but the star-studded gala we call the Rackspack Annual Flair Awards, also known as the RAFA’s. Stay tuned for all the gossip, highlights and lowlights as we put our winners and losers into the next blog entry.
Happy cueing.
