As avid and regular readers [should that be a plural - ed] of the racks packs blogspot you'll know that we have recently started our racks pack mailbox. In case you need reminding, the address is rackspack@hotmail.co.uk.
To say that we have been impressed with the response would be a lie. However we are men true to our word, and thus today we open up the racks mailbox, rummage around inside, and see what gems you, the rackspack reading public, have come up with.
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Dear Racks Pack,
I have a ‘friend’ who has been taking a lot of stick from his pool team because he hasn't made any of the matches so far. However he has just found out that the vice-captain-understudy-commander-in-waiting failed to tell his team members he is on holiday next week and has left the team in the lurch (yet again).
Should my friend give the vice captain a good kicking for being a two faced buttmonkey or should he say nothing as his own track record is hardly something to shout about??
Radley Bobbinson, Beaconsfield.
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Well Radley, this is indeed an intriguing question. You admit that your friend hasn't bothered to turn up for any matches, which in itself is a disgrace. But when your sub-captain-second lieutenant- grand order of the buffalo-in-waiting then mails you on a Thursday saying “by the way I forgot I'm on holiday next week with the missus” then I think slapping him about a bit is the least he can expect. Crack on in my opinion
********
Dear Racks Pack,
I have more men under me than the Grand Old Duke of York!! For some reason I signed up everyone in my local snooker club, and trying to keep all forty two of them happy in a 12 frame a week pool league is proving difficult. Maybe I shouldn't have nicked a player from one of the other sides playing from our venue. I honestly think the team is multiplying like some bizarre scientific experiment. It's worse than Mickey Mouse and the broomstick in Fantasia !!
What can I do ???????
Tom Taylor, Maidenhead
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Tom, (if that is your real name), I'm afraid you have been hoisted by your own petard! At least it helps spread the payments for the sandwiches, our team are paying almost £3 each now just to cover it as we only have four players each week!
********
Dear Rack Pack,
Hey Racks pack – great tipping by Neil ‘Magic 105.4’ Cameron on the golf. Garcia was unlucky but at 40-1 was a great pick. This guy should have his own website in my opinion and you lot should be paying him - not only for the information but for his winning appearances every week for your team of two-bit half-baked has-beens.
Mrs Lucy Cameron, Reading.
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Lucy, it was indeed an excellent pick. Lets hope a few people got on and made a bit of cash. Look out for a football preview in the future. By the way, did you know that you have exactly the same name as ‘Magics’ wife ?
********
Dear Racks Pack,
you lot are the biggest bunch of prix I have ever met. I would punch you all out but I don't want my hands to touch your ugly faces.
Anon
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You know where we are if you fancy spending the remainder of the summer sucking hospital food through a straw you half-wit!
********
Dear Racks Pack,
I'm a long time reader but first time caller. I watched Keith Walls play at the World Masters at Blackpool this year, and he has the finest miscue-cum-scuffed drag shot I have ever seen. How many years has it taken him to perfect such a bad cue action and has he ever got it right?”
Kris Melling
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Kris, quite simply the answers are 16 years and ‘No’ he has never got it right.
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Dear Racks Pack,
I cant believe this!!! I sent my mail yesterday, came home after work and found another three players hiding in my downstairs toilet!!! This is getting beyond a joke!
Tom Taylor
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Dear Racks Pack,
Guys take me back!! Im sorry for running out on you but I didn't realise how desperate you are for players, and how, when my team captain promised me regular games, he meant once a month!
Andy ‘turncoat’ Tredwell
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We are not that desperate you Judas !
********
Dear Racks Pack,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…I offered to come and play for you, neigh, begged to come and play but you said ‘no we have enough players’. Now whose laughing HA HA HA HA!! If anyone else drops out you wont have enough to even provide your own referees ha ha ha ha ha ha…….
D Bartlett (Noctors Captain with lots of players at his disposal)
********
What can I say, we are paying the price for such woeful recruitment strategy. I can only apologies to all those who asked to play but were blown out like cheap wedding confetti.
********
Dear Racks Pack,
Racks – keep a stiff upperlip – if anyone can pull it off, it's you Coach Walls, you're the greatest!!
Kelvin Switham
********
Thanks Kelvin , that's a real boost.
********
Dear Racks Pack,
Kevin ‘the slugger’ is the greatest second since Angelo Dundee, simply fabulous. If I could hug him in public I would
K. Wells, Langley
********
Thank you for the feedback Mr Wells. I'll pass on your comments
********
Dear Racks Pack,
I don't believe this , Ive just found another guy in the bread bin , where are they coming from?????????”
Tom Taylor
********
*Toms email address has subsequently been added to our spam filters*
********
Dear Racks Pack,
Rock bottom prices for your rock! Be the best lover immediatly! Reply to receive details of this exclusive offer!!!
Andreas C. Haveahardon
********
Thank you very much for your kind offer Andreas, but this team of roving reporters needs no help in the department! Besides, the reply you received from us was by accident and we didn't mean to send it...
********
Well, that's it for this weeks mailbag. We will open it again very soon - once we have defused all the virtual letter bombs and removed the hate mail.
Yours in pool,
K&K.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Week 3 Captain's Report - Away versus NMCC
Man Down Man Down!
or, why fourplay is better than six.
History is littered with tales of triumph over adversity - those moments in time where individuals rise up to become a greater force than the sum of their parts. You can’t help but be moved by any of the following:
The Charge of the Light Brigade - 600 men ride into battle against 6000 during the Battle of Balaclava.
Napoleans defeat by the British-led Wellington at Waterloo.
The Battle of Britain - where the inexperienced pilots of the allied forces outgunned the German Luftwaffe.
That Chinese fella who stood in front of the tank in Tianemen Square.
And of course, who can forget the ten men of Ireland beating Holland 1-0 to put them out of the 2002 World Cup qualifiers?? [Note from the editor – are you sure that wasn't one of your wet dreams Keith?]
Well finally there’s another one to add to that list, because in years to come old hippies will gather wherever stories of days gone-by are told, and raise the question - "did you ever hear the tale of how the Racks Pack won a pool match 7-5 with only four players?"
I know what you’re thinking, it must be a typo or maybe the team has been licking toads again. Perhaps Kevin, (my understudy-vice chairman-sub-captain in waiting) hasn't edited this weeks report properly because there is no way they could have won 7-5 with only FOUR men. Well, I’m afraid you have read it right and it did happen.
Things started off in the normal way - which basically means we were scrambling for players. Lee’s replacement Darryl failed to make it for the second time. John 'late notice' Cornell couldn't live up to his nickname as he was working, and as usual Brad threw in the "I cant make it - working" text message at 7:30pm. So despite the return of Kevin 'the slugger' Southam, it was business as usual with just him, JY, Neil and myself attempting to steer the good ship “Racks Pack” through another Monday night of stormy waters.
Thanks to another 45 minutes of ringing around, by 7:55 my mobile phone bill had gone through the roof for the second consecutive week. JY and I have tapped up more players than a Chelsea scout in the last few weeks. The scruples we had maintained the previous week in respect of who were begged to play for us were disregarded as the gloves came off and we tried everyone. Best excuses were probably:
"Leo, it’s Keith. Can you get to Racks tonight to play pool for us"
"I’m standing at a baggage carousel in an airport in Southern Spain"
"So that's a no then ?"
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………
And the classic:
"Shall we try Danny Rajput"
"I don't think he will make it. He had a heart attack three weeks ago."
"Yeah but he's out now isn’t he and it wont affect his pool arm - ring him."
So after fighting our way through the 27 players Dom “poacher” Taylor has signed up for his team, we finally left Racks with only four players and headed for North Maidenhead Cricket Club.
First thing I did on our arrival was to apologise to their captain (which is also becoming a regular part of Monday nights). With us having four players it meant that two of their players wouldn't have a match in the first half and then another two would miss the second half.
Having rode the flak from Neil '105.4' Cameron about my nincompoopery in trying to get a side every week, I stressed that I wanted nothing less that maximum effort from all concerned.
Leading from the front I went on first, won my frame and set the standard to follow. 4-1 down after one frame was new ground even by our shoddy standards. It was vital we made the most of the first four frames but Kevin had other ideas and decided that a four frame start for NMCC wasn't enough, and promptly lost to Jonny Hague. Unfortunate to snooker himself on the black, it led to some cat and mouse stuff for ten minutes before Jonny finished it off. 5-1
JY made it 5-2 when Jim 'Pretty Boy' Floyd went in off a yellow leaving JY two on the black and when Tracey Dawkins potted the black four reds to early against Neil it was 5-3 at the break.
Only having four players helped remove the tricky team selection issue for the second half and we went out in the same order. I beat Stefan Bond who probably should have cleared from the break. Kevin 'the redeemer' Southam pulled out a mighty finish for 5-5 and suddenly it was game on!!
JY's excellent clearance attempt stuttered on the black, but he then produced shot of the night and “Pointless Flair Shot of the Week” when he slammed in a double on the black rather than just cut it into the middle.
So it all came down to ' 105.4'. Last week he played to put us 6-5 up and left me with the task of stealing the glory; this week it was on his shoulders to seal the unlikeliest of victories. His opponent broke and potted three off the break - the dish was there for 6-6. All he had to do was hold himself together. But, a la Sergio Garcia at the open, he failed, and with the win in sight he lost position, handing Neil the initiative and the chance to steal the frame. Two visits later and ‘105.4', eyeing up his final yellow, lived up to his nickname and produced a ‘magic’ pot, screwing off it majestically to leave a straight black in the centre. In it went for 7-5. Move over Wellington!
Incredible scenes of jubilation followed. JY and I attempted a Mexican wave, and even the boxer dog running around the club seemed overwhelmed by the sheer scale of what we had achieved. We signed some autographs (or result cards, I can’t remember exactly) and headed back to Racks to celebrate with a couple of soda waters.
Hopefully this will be the last week of this farce. Brad 'the most hated man in pool when he can be bothered to turn up' Robinson is in Falaraki next week so at least we have some notice this time of his absence. [note from the editor - comments previously attributed to this blog regarding Mr B Robinson have been removed at the request of his lawyers. This blog wishes to express that it has nothing but the utmost respect from Mr Robinson, and has full respect for his human rights. Abuse of transexuals is something this website abhors, and we would like to wish Mr Robinsons speedy recovery from the operation.]
*Latest news*
Vice-under-committee-sub-captain-in-waiting Kevin and myself have scheduled a press conference for later this week. We will be revealing a new signing to Racks Pack, a player of such stature – literally – his signing will rock the league. His contract negotiations have proved tortuous though, making the Carlos Tevez deal look like a Panini sticker swap. And so, subject to our mystery player passing a medical, we will have five players minimum for the all important top of the table clash with the Golden Cross at Racks next week. If we can just 'borrow' someone else we might make six.
If anyone fancies applying for the job and doesn't mind getting dropped once we have our six players back, then don't forget the blog address: rackspack@hotmail.co.uk.
Happy cueing.
or, why fourplay is better than six.
History is littered with tales of triumph over adversity - those moments in time where individuals rise up to become a greater force than the sum of their parts. You can’t help but be moved by any of the following:
The Charge of the Light Brigade - 600 men ride into battle against 6000 during the Battle of Balaclava.
Napoleans defeat by the British-led Wellington at Waterloo.
The Battle of Britain - where the inexperienced pilots of the allied forces outgunned the German Luftwaffe.
That Chinese fella who stood in front of the tank in Tianemen Square.
And of course, who can forget the ten men of Ireland beating Holland 1-0 to put them out of the 2002 World Cup qualifiers?? [Note from the editor – are you sure that wasn't one of your wet dreams Keith?]
Well finally there’s another one to add to that list, because in years to come old hippies will gather wherever stories of days gone-by are told, and raise the question - "did you ever hear the tale of how the Racks Pack won a pool match 7-5 with only four players?"
I know what you’re thinking, it must be a typo or maybe the team has been licking toads again. Perhaps Kevin, (my understudy-vice chairman-sub-captain in waiting) hasn't edited this weeks report properly because there is no way they could have won 7-5 with only FOUR men. Well, I’m afraid you have read it right and it did happen.
Things started off in the normal way - which basically means we were scrambling for players. Lee’s replacement Darryl failed to make it for the second time. John 'late notice' Cornell couldn't live up to his nickname as he was working, and as usual Brad threw in the "I cant make it - working" text message at 7:30pm. So despite the return of Kevin 'the slugger' Southam, it was business as usual with just him, JY, Neil and myself attempting to steer the good ship “Racks Pack” through another Monday night of stormy waters.
Thanks to another 45 minutes of ringing around, by 7:55 my mobile phone bill had gone through the roof for the second consecutive week. JY and I have tapped up more players than a Chelsea scout in the last few weeks. The scruples we had maintained the previous week in respect of who were begged to play for us were disregarded as the gloves came off and we tried everyone. Best excuses were probably:
"Leo, it’s Keith. Can you get to Racks tonight to play pool for us"
"I’m standing at a baggage carousel in an airport in Southern Spain"
"So that's a no then ?"
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………
And the classic:
"Shall we try Danny Rajput"
"I don't think he will make it. He had a heart attack three weeks ago."
"Yeah but he's out now isn’t he and it wont affect his pool arm - ring him."
So after fighting our way through the 27 players Dom “poacher” Taylor has signed up for his team, we finally left Racks with only four players and headed for North Maidenhead Cricket Club.
First thing I did on our arrival was to apologise to their captain (which is also becoming a regular part of Monday nights). With us having four players it meant that two of their players wouldn't have a match in the first half and then another two would miss the second half.
Having rode the flak from Neil '105.4' Cameron about my nincompoopery in trying to get a side every week, I stressed that I wanted nothing less that maximum effort from all concerned.
Leading from the front I went on first, won my frame and set the standard to follow. 4-1 down after one frame was new ground even by our shoddy standards. It was vital we made the most of the first four frames but Kevin had other ideas and decided that a four frame start for NMCC wasn't enough, and promptly lost to Jonny Hague. Unfortunate to snooker himself on the black, it led to some cat and mouse stuff for ten minutes before Jonny finished it off. 5-1
JY made it 5-2 when Jim 'Pretty Boy' Floyd went in off a yellow leaving JY two on the black and when Tracey Dawkins potted the black four reds to early against Neil it was 5-3 at the break.
Only having four players helped remove the tricky team selection issue for the second half and we went out in the same order. I beat Stefan Bond who probably should have cleared from the break. Kevin 'the redeemer' Southam pulled out a mighty finish for 5-5 and suddenly it was game on!!
JY's excellent clearance attempt stuttered on the black, but he then produced shot of the night and “Pointless Flair Shot of the Week” when he slammed in a double on the black rather than just cut it into the middle.
So it all came down to ' 105.4'. Last week he played to put us 6-5 up and left me with the task of stealing the glory; this week it was on his shoulders to seal the unlikeliest of victories. His opponent broke and potted three off the break - the dish was there for 6-6. All he had to do was hold himself together. But, a la Sergio Garcia at the open, he failed, and with the win in sight he lost position, handing Neil the initiative and the chance to steal the frame. Two visits later and ‘105.4', eyeing up his final yellow, lived up to his nickname and produced a ‘magic’ pot, screwing off it majestically to leave a straight black in the centre. In it went for 7-5. Move over Wellington!
Incredible scenes of jubilation followed. JY and I attempted a Mexican wave, and even the boxer dog running around the club seemed overwhelmed by the sheer scale of what we had achieved. We signed some autographs (or result cards, I can’t remember exactly) and headed back to Racks to celebrate with a couple of soda waters.
Hopefully this will be the last week of this farce. Brad 'the most hated man in pool when he can be bothered to turn up' Robinson is in Falaraki next week so at least we have some notice this time of his absence. [note from the editor - comments previously attributed to this blog regarding Mr B Robinson have been removed at the request of his lawyers. This blog wishes to express that it has nothing but the utmost respect from Mr Robinson, and has full respect for his human rights. Abuse of transexuals is something this website abhors, and we would like to wish Mr Robinsons speedy recovery from the operation.]
*Latest news*
Vice-under-committee-sub-captain-in-waiting Kevin and myself have scheduled a press conference for later this week. We will be revealing a new signing to Racks Pack, a player of such stature – literally – his signing will rock the league. His contract negotiations have proved tortuous though, making the Carlos Tevez deal look like a Panini sticker swap. And so, subject to our mystery player passing a medical, we will have five players minimum for the all important top of the table clash with the Golden Cross at Racks next week. If we can just 'borrow' someone else we might make six.
If anyone fancies applying for the job and doesn't mind getting dropped once we have our six players back, then don't forget the blog address: rackspack@hotmail.co.uk.
Happy cueing.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Racks Pack *BREAKING NEWS*
Hints? Tips? Commentary? Analysis? Nothing better to do?
The Racks Pack now have an email address so you can contact them.
rackspack@hotmail.co.uk
We'll be opening the mail next week and hope to bring you some of our favourite letters.
*PLUS*
Coming soon, your intrepid reporters bring you their interviews with some of the giants of the modern game - Keith Brewer, Lee Kendall, Chris Melling and more!! All this on your friendy neighbourhood blogspot rackspack.blogspot.com.
K&K
The Racks Pack now have an email address so you can contact them.
rackspack@hotmail.co.uk
We'll be opening the mail next week and hope to bring you some of our favourite letters.
*PLUS*
Coming soon, your intrepid reporters bring you their interviews with some of the giants of the modern game - Keith Brewer, Lee Kendall, Chris Melling and more!! All this on your friendy neighbourhood blogspot rackspack.blogspot.com.
K&K
Week 2 Captain's Report - Home versus Grenfell Rats
Greeting from Australia!
This reporter's commitment knows no limits, and despite an urgent assignment on the far side of the earth, I bring you the latest pool report from Captain Walls.
CAPTAINS REPORT
Keith Walls
BAD WILL HUNTING (or Swanny, Swanny, wherefore art thou Swanny?)
I knew we were in for a rough night when I picked up the first message on my mobile Monday morning. My cunning plan of only using six players in the season and filling in as and when needed had not been received well in all quarters but I had reassured everyone that it wouldn't be a problem. This Monday was going to be the biggest test as Lee and 26 of his closest friends and family members were in Spain for the next three weeks and my vice-under-sub-committee captain Kevin was in Australia for a week. Still, I had it under control as Neil, JY , myself and Brad were available and Lees mate Daryl had offered to cover for him so that was five and of course Leo had said he would make up the six.
First signs that all was not going according to plan was when Daryl sent me a text message to say he wouldn't make it. But its not a big deal as that still leaves five of us and we can nick someone from Racks as we are at home.
So I amble up to Racks at 6:30 have a beer and start looking for an extra player. Neil arrives along with JY and all I need now is Leo and Brad. Another text message later and Brad tells me he wont make it until 8:45pm. That's ok , we will put him on sixth.
Come 8pm and there is no sign of Leo. Treddy calls him and finds out that he cant make it so now I'm worried. It leaves us with four players but seeing how Racks is packed at the moment I can confidently expect to nab another two players. That's until I discover that everyone in the place is playing for Dom Taylors team ! He has about 12 players lined up against the far wall like the dirty dozen on parade and none of them are eligible for us ! The Grenfell turn up expecting to start but instead we are scrambling to fill in the gaps. In the end the only options we have is to play Justina and Hannah the bar staff. The card now looks like this :
Justina
Neil
Keith
JY
*blank*
Brad
Justina does her level best and is desperately unlucky to lose on the black when her opponent hits one of those “gone for the double and landed the treble” shots. Its 0-1 but Im confident that the four of us can nick 7 frames for the win. That's until I get another message from Brad “Wont make it, got to take boss to Watford – good luck”
Oh crap.
Justina then tells us she has to go and can't play in the second half, and Hannah can't play because she is the only staff available. The card now looks like this
Justina - Lost
Neil
Keith
JY
*blank*
*blank*
Now totally desperate for players JY and I start ringing everyone we can think of whether they can play pool or not. I call work colleagues and even other teams looking for some help. In some cases I get whats coming to me, especially when I ring Shaun Tufnell who was looking for a team only a few days ago. I leave him a message to call me and he rings back to say that he has just played his first frame for the Pond House so cant play. He even drops in the ‘I thought you didn't need anyone anyway’ and I'm forced to eat humble pie. Dave Bartlett gives me the same response in between laughter as I explain how we have three players plus Justina and its 8.30pm. We even considered calling Andy Brant at one point but there's only so low you can stoop. Oh why oh why didn't we keep hold of Mark ‘budgemeister’ Swan. Always reliable and there every week come rain or shine but lost in the winter separation of wheat and chaff!!
Finally John gets hold of some guy in his 50s called John Cornell and his wife Sharon who he hasn't seen in about four years that live in Langley. He convinces them to drive all the way from Langley to Racks to bail us out. But its now 8:45pm and they wont make it until 9:30pm.
Meanwhile on the baize Neil wins his game and I go on to beat Alfie Blackman for a 2-1 lead. JY then slows down almost to a standstill trying to kill time before the Cornell family arrive. It was like when you tell him its his round at the bar. I swear if it wasn't for the rotation of the earth he wouldn't have been moving at all. He has two reds over the pocket but taps into them for every shot as we wait for the arrivals. Unfortunately there was no more tapping left to do and John had to finish off the frame for 3-1. Enter Will Graham……
Poor Will. Turned up at Racks with his mate for a quiet game of pool and ended up getting harassed by me into playing the fifth frame. Didn't know me from Adam, although if I had known an Adam as well I would have had six players. Will didn't look too happy about it but I tried to sweeten the deal by promising him some beer. We shoved him into trap 5 despite him not knowing the rules or little else. I figured as long as he wasn't getting tucked up all the time he would be OK. But Richard Meadows of the Grenfell spotted the ‘fall guy’ and tucked him silly. In fact Richard opened up a full box of Quality Fudge Assortment as he played numerous deliberate fouls and tuck ups until Will lost the plot and in frustration smashed the white ball and anything else in his path off the table and out the fire exit door! Richard cleared up and made it 3-2 to us.
Thankfully while we picked balls up off the floor the Cornell family arrived in the nick of time. Bypassing the introductions, JY gave Mr Cornell a two minute crash course in the pool rules and a miracle occurred as he won his frame for a 4-2 lead !!!
Suddenly it was game on. As long as JY, Neil and I won in the second half we could nick a victory. So I filled out the sheet for the second half and realised that we had to go back to Will and beg him to play another frame because I forgot that Justina had left ! Will, who was still fuming about having his Monday night out mucked up, wasn't keen on playing again.
“Don't worry” I said , “you wont have a frame like that one again, you were just unlucky to play their best player”.
I sounded assuring and finally Will succumbed to the pressure and agreed to play. I managed to drag him to the table where he lost the toss to guess who…Richard Meadows! Will, in fairness to him, did a good job of holding back because he looked like he was going to bust me open with the first thing he could get hold off. I tried to calm him down by making good on my promise of beer and asked Hannah for a couple of pints of Stella for him and his mate. The first pint didn't even make it to half full before it spat, gurgled and ran dry.
“Stella's run out Keith”
Will stared me down from across the room as I sheepishly announced
“Four-X instead Will ???”
Richard was nobody's fool in the frame and must have arrived at Racks packing more fudge than a Robbie Williams tour bus because from the word go he was at it again. Finally he knocked in the black to pull the score back to 4-3 and Will sulked off to his mate. Horrible night.
On went the Cornell family. First John turned the match on its head by winning his second frame of the night to put us 5-3 up but then his wife lost an all female battle to Katie Gourd and it was 5-4. Katie walked away with ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’ when she slammed in a double on her final red rather than roll it down the cushion.
We just needed two more and with JY up next things were looking up for the first time all day. But to keep the excitement at fever pitch JY goofed up against Albie Blackman and left us needing the last two frames. 5-5
Neil then had a stormer, potting a very tricky black into the middle when a miss would have cost us the match. Two good frames on the night and both of them crucial considering the state of the team. 6-5.
So the final frame came down to me. I had something to prove seeing as it was partly my fault for the mess we were in. Luckily the pool gods smiled down on me and I broke and dished to snatch a 7-5 win and we somehow got the points.
Apart from the hassle, beer running out and constant phone calls trying to patch up a side it was an entertaining match. My gratitude goes out to Richard of the Grenfell who was very tolerant as I kept snatching the result cards off him every five minutes to change the order and the personnel. He could have spat the dummy about it but was kind enough to let it go without complaint. He deserved to win both his frames on the night just for that reason alone.
Thank goodness for Neil winning twice to support my two frames, and kudos to the star of the show who was John “late notice” Cornell. Two out of two on the night to get us the win, he left the building with Sharon and shouted out:
“by the way if you need us next week, try and let us know a bit earlier yeah ?”
Wise words indeed.
K&K
This reporter's commitment knows no limits, and despite an urgent assignment on the far side of the earth, I bring you the latest pool report from Captain Walls.
CAPTAINS REPORT
Keith Walls
BAD WILL HUNTING (or Swanny, Swanny, wherefore art thou Swanny?)
I knew we were in for a rough night when I picked up the first message on my mobile Monday morning. My cunning plan of only using six players in the season and filling in as and when needed had not been received well in all quarters but I had reassured everyone that it wouldn't be a problem. This Monday was going to be the biggest test as Lee and 26 of his closest friends and family members were in Spain for the next three weeks and my vice-under-sub-committee captain Kevin was in Australia for a week. Still, I had it under control as Neil, JY , myself and Brad were available and Lees mate Daryl had offered to cover for him so that was five and of course Leo had said he would make up the six.
First signs that all was not going according to plan was when Daryl sent me a text message to say he wouldn't make it. But its not a big deal as that still leaves five of us and we can nick someone from Racks as we are at home.
So I amble up to Racks at 6:30 have a beer and start looking for an extra player. Neil arrives along with JY and all I need now is Leo and Brad. Another text message later and Brad tells me he wont make it until 8:45pm. That's ok , we will put him on sixth.
Come 8pm and there is no sign of Leo. Treddy calls him and finds out that he cant make it so now I'm worried. It leaves us with four players but seeing how Racks is packed at the moment I can confidently expect to nab another two players. That's until I discover that everyone in the place is playing for Dom Taylors team ! He has about 12 players lined up against the far wall like the dirty dozen on parade and none of them are eligible for us ! The Grenfell turn up expecting to start but instead we are scrambling to fill in the gaps. In the end the only options we have is to play Justina and Hannah the bar staff. The card now looks like this :
Justina
Neil
Keith
JY
*blank*
Brad
Justina does her level best and is desperately unlucky to lose on the black when her opponent hits one of those “gone for the double and landed the treble” shots. Its 0-1 but Im confident that the four of us can nick 7 frames for the win. That's until I get another message from Brad “Wont make it, got to take boss to Watford – good luck”
Oh crap.
Justina then tells us she has to go and can't play in the second half, and Hannah can't play because she is the only staff available. The card now looks like this
Justina - Lost
Neil
Keith
JY
*blank*
*blank*
Now totally desperate for players JY and I start ringing everyone we can think of whether they can play pool or not. I call work colleagues and even other teams looking for some help. In some cases I get whats coming to me, especially when I ring Shaun Tufnell who was looking for a team only a few days ago. I leave him a message to call me and he rings back to say that he has just played his first frame for the Pond House so cant play. He even drops in the ‘I thought you didn't need anyone anyway’ and I'm forced to eat humble pie. Dave Bartlett gives me the same response in between laughter as I explain how we have three players plus Justina and its 8.30pm. We even considered calling Andy Brant at one point but there's only so low you can stoop. Oh why oh why didn't we keep hold of Mark ‘budgemeister’ Swan. Always reliable and there every week come rain or shine but lost in the winter separation of wheat and chaff!!
Finally John gets hold of some guy in his 50s called John Cornell and his wife Sharon who he hasn't seen in about four years that live in Langley. He convinces them to drive all the way from Langley to Racks to bail us out. But its now 8:45pm and they wont make it until 9:30pm.
Meanwhile on the baize Neil wins his game and I go on to beat Alfie Blackman for a 2-1 lead. JY then slows down almost to a standstill trying to kill time before the Cornell family arrive. It was like when you tell him its his round at the bar. I swear if it wasn't for the rotation of the earth he wouldn't have been moving at all. He has two reds over the pocket but taps into them for every shot as we wait for the arrivals. Unfortunately there was no more tapping left to do and John had to finish off the frame for 3-1. Enter Will Graham……
Poor Will. Turned up at Racks with his mate for a quiet game of pool and ended up getting harassed by me into playing the fifth frame. Didn't know me from Adam, although if I had known an Adam as well I would have had six players. Will didn't look too happy about it but I tried to sweeten the deal by promising him some beer. We shoved him into trap 5 despite him not knowing the rules or little else. I figured as long as he wasn't getting tucked up all the time he would be OK. But Richard Meadows of the Grenfell spotted the ‘fall guy’ and tucked him silly. In fact Richard opened up a full box of Quality Fudge Assortment as he played numerous deliberate fouls and tuck ups until Will lost the plot and in frustration smashed the white ball and anything else in his path off the table and out the fire exit door! Richard cleared up and made it 3-2 to us.
Thankfully while we picked balls up off the floor the Cornell family arrived in the nick of time. Bypassing the introductions, JY gave Mr Cornell a two minute crash course in the pool rules and a miracle occurred as he won his frame for a 4-2 lead !!!
Suddenly it was game on. As long as JY, Neil and I won in the second half we could nick a victory. So I filled out the sheet for the second half and realised that we had to go back to Will and beg him to play another frame because I forgot that Justina had left ! Will, who was still fuming about having his Monday night out mucked up, wasn't keen on playing again.
“Don't worry” I said , “you wont have a frame like that one again, you were just unlucky to play their best player”.
I sounded assuring and finally Will succumbed to the pressure and agreed to play. I managed to drag him to the table where he lost the toss to guess who…Richard Meadows! Will, in fairness to him, did a good job of holding back because he looked like he was going to bust me open with the first thing he could get hold off. I tried to calm him down by making good on my promise of beer and asked Hannah for a couple of pints of Stella for him and his mate. The first pint didn't even make it to half full before it spat, gurgled and ran dry.
“Stella's run out Keith”
Will stared me down from across the room as I sheepishly announced
“Four-X instead Will ???”
Richard was nobody's fool in the frame and must have arrived at Racks packing more fudge than a Robbie Williams tour bus because from the word go he was at it again. Finally he knocked in the black to pull the score back to 4-3 and Will sulked off to his mate. Horrible night.
On went the Cornell family. First John turned the match on its head by winning his second frame of the night to put us 5-3 up but then his wife lost an all female battle to Katie Gourd and it was 5-4. Katie walked away with ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’ when she slammed in a double on her final red rather than roll it down the cushion.
We just needed two more and with JY up next things were looking up for the first time all day. But to keep the excitement at fever pitch JY goofed up against Albie Blackman and left us needing the last two frames. 5-5
Neil then had a stormer, potting a very tricky black into the middle when a miss would have cost us the match. Two good frames on the night and both of them crucial considering the state of the team. 6-5.
So the final frame came down to me. I had something to prove seeing as it was partly my fault for the mess we were in. Luckily the pool gods smiled down on me and I broke and dished to snatch a 7-5 win and we somehow got the points.
Apart from the hassle, beer running out and constant phone calls trying to patch up a side it was an entertaining match. My gratitude goes out to Richard of the Grenfell who was very tolerant as I kept snatching the result cards off him every five minutes to change the order and the personnel. He could have spat the dummy about it but was kind enough to let it go without complaint. He deserved to win both his frames on the night just for that reason alone.
Thank goodness for Neil winning twice to support my two frames, and kudos to the star of the show who was John “late notice” Cornell. Two out of two on the night to get us the win, he left the building with Sharon and shouted out:
“by the way if you need us next week, try and let us know a bit earlier yeah ?”
Wise words indeed.
K&K
Special Edition - Tips For the British Open Golf
Hello everyone.
Please enjoy this guide to the upcoming British Open Golf Championships from our guest writer and resident golf expert, Mr. Neil "105.4" Cameron.
"This year is the most wide-open of the wide-open Opens, and is the trickiest to bet of all golf tournaments, as a squally shower or an hour of gale force winds can break the best of the best. Just ask Tiger when Ernie won at Muirfield, Woods described his 82 as a half decent round of golf, given the conditions for a couple of hours there. The funny thing was that Monty saw him on the range the following day and teased him with the words 'Nice round yesterday' to which Tiger responded 'Well it was better than your 84!'. Sometimes the big fella just needs to engage brain before speaking, just like his 'Two 66s and I will be right there on Sunday' at Loch Lomond last week. Needless to say a 74 next day meant the dreaded letters MC (well dreaded for a golfer anyway!) next to his name.
So what of Woods.....well as Mr Walls would testify the Open normally results in this writer reaching for the phone and announcing 'All in' on Tiger, but this year is slightly different. I have just got married and the £500 bets on Woods are a thing of the past. This year I will be trying to spread 20 quid as thinly as possible over a few longshots.
Tiger is putting some lead tape on his putter as the greens at the Open are always slower than he is used to....but here's the thing, he has never done this before (until he was on slow greens earlier this year - at the AT&T i think at Pebble Beach). It's no secret that his putting, though still outstanding, has not been as good this year as in previous years and the fact that he is altering his faithful putter that he has used for more than a decade, alerts me to the fact that he has concerns over his stroke. It's only a hunch but at 3/1 or thereabouts, and the fact that my budget has been reduced by a factor of 25, means that I will be avoiding the great man. If he turns up and putts decent, he wins, as long as he doesn't end up getting a raw deal with the weather....another thing to factor into any potential bets.
The weather in Scotland is changeable at best and in the Open that can play havoc, if you end up on the wrong side of it. That also should be taken into consideration in any bets.
Mickelson was good last week but came up just short. His driving was very erratic and he will be punished far more greatly for that at Carnoustie.
Els looked great last week but is another who has major concerns over his putting. At the prices I will be leaving those 2 alone.
All the British players are underpriced and though I wouldn't put anyone off Casey, Rose or Harrington, they just ain't value for me.
Another big question, can we trust Sergio? Well with the belly putter out last week, he putted a lot better and that is all that has held him back in the past, not that he would agree. The fact that he appears to have accepted that his putting is poor, is great news for those who fancy him to go well. He is a much bigger price than normal at 40/1 or thereabouts, and he gets the first Cameron fiver. The pressure is off him as he hasn't been doing much and is pretty lightly raced this year. He went close last year at Hoylake and with a putter he is comfortable with he might just do it.
The Open normally sees a strong showing from some unheralded Americans and with this Top 15 last year, one who fits the bill is relative newcomer, Sean O'Hair. He said he really enjoyed it last year, which is quite refreshing, as clowns like Scott Hoch in the past and this year, Woody Austin, can't be bothered with playing golf on courses and in conditions that have been prevalent since time began. More fool those guys, but some Americans love the challenge, and wouldn't miss it. Another fiver on O'Hair at 140/1 or thereabouts.
I would always have a fiver on Monty and always have done but not this time. Needless to say if he is in contention on Sunday, he will be seeing some of my hard earned but not at the outset.
One tip for Open betting novices, you don't have to go in all guns blazing before the off, you could sit out the first 2 days, so that the weather evens itself out. If it is calm in the morning, then normally the wind picks up in the afternoon, and as each player has one 'late' start and one 'early' start, then after 2 days, things have evened out. Obviously you don't get the prices then, but if want a cheeky tenner on one of your favourites or the leaders at 8/1 on Saturday morning then it may pay to do so.
Onto the Top GB&I and Top South African markets, the one that stands out for me is Graham McDowell in the former. He grew up playing links golf and is playing very well at the moment. 20/1 for top GB&I represents value for me.
A rather insane call on the Top SA is David Frost. He was a class golfer in his day, one of the best in the world, is playing very solidly at the moment and was well placed last time at Carnoustie. He is huge value at 33/1 in that market with not too many to beat and doubts over Els and Goosen, the class of the market.
There we go that's my £20 spent.....other notables are Love III at a huge price 389/1 (purely a hunch as his form has been rotten, but he has a decent record at the Open), Poulter at 74/1 (played great last week and has looked good in the past at Opens), Carl Petterson (a top player nowadays in the States and played well in the Open last year) at 169/1 on Betfair and Justin Leonard at 200/1 (just finding his feet after a quiet year or two and former winner of the Open).
If you are looking for a token Scot to give you a run for your money, then try Alastair Forsyth. He has played well in Opens before but normally goes backwards on the weekends in the past, he is playing well at the moment and though very unlikely to hold on, if he gets up there, he could be worth a trade outright or a small play on the Top GB & Ireland market. The last time I put up a token Scot at Carnoustie, it was Paul Lawrie and we all know what happened there.
Stick a quid on him too then!
Woods should win, but has come up short twice already this year in the Majors and others represent greater value.
Good luck!
Neil"
Thanks for that Neil. It's a brave man who puts his knackers, or indeed his credibility, on the line by posting such wild and unlikely predictions. Talking of which, here are the tips from wallsbet.com:
Place your hard earned on the following :
Donald 36-1 ew
Choi 75-1 ew
Bjorn 125-1
Forsyth 660-1 ew
MCGinley 450-1
JJ Henry at 640-1
Good luck punters!!!
K&K
Please enjoy this guide to the upcoming British Open Golf Championships from our guest writer and resident golf expert, Mr. Neil "105.4" Cameron.
"This year is the most wide-open of the wide-open Opens, and is the trickiest to bet of all golf tournaments, as a squally shower or an hour of gale force winds can break the best of the best. Just ask Tiger when Ernie won at Muirfield, Woods described his 82 as a half decent round of golf, given the conditions for a couple of hours there. The funny thing was that Monty saw him on the range the following day and teased him with the words 'Nice round yesterday' to which Tiger responded 'Well it was better than your 84!'. Sometimes the big fella just needs to engage brain before speaking, just like his 'Two 66s and I will be right there on Sunday' at Loch Lomond last week. Needless to say a 74 next day meant the dreaded letters MC (well dreaded for a golfer anyway!) next to his name.
So what of Woods.....well as Mr Walls would testify the Open normally results in this writer reaching for the phone and announcing 'All in' on Tiger, but this year is slightly different. I have just got married and the £500 bets on Woods are a thing of the past. This year I will be trying to spread 20 quid as thinly as possible over a few longshots.
Tiger is putting some lead tape on his putter as the greens at the Open are always slower than he is used to....but here's the thing, he has never done this before (until he was on slow greens earlier this year - at the AT&T i think at Pebble Beach). It's no secret that his putting, though still outstanding, has not been as good this year as in previous years and the fact that he is altering his faithful putter that he has used for more than a decade, alerts me to the fact that he has concerns over his stroke. It's only a hunch but at 3/1 or thereabouts, and the fact that my budget has been reduced by a factor of 25, means that I will be avoiding the great man. If he turns up and putts decent, he wins, as long as he doesn't end up getting a raw deal with the weather....another thing to factor into any potential bets.
The weather in Scotland is changeable at best and in the Open that can play havoc, if you end up on the wrong side of it. That also should be taken into consideration in any bets.
Mickelson was good last week but came up just short. His driving was very erratic and he will be punished far more greatly for that at Carnoustie.
Els looked great last week but is another who has major concerns over his putting. At the prices I will be leaving those 2 alone.
All the British players are underpriced and though I wouldn't put anyone off Casey, Rose or Harrington, they just ain't value for me.
Another big question, can we trust Sergio? Well with the belly putter out last week, he putted a lot better and that is all that has held him back in the past, not that he would agree. The fact that he appears to have accepted that his putting is poor, is great news for those who fancy him to go well. He is a much bigger price than normal at 40/1 or thereabouts, and he gets the first Cameron fiver. The pressure is off him as he hasn't been doing much and is pretty lightly raced this year. He went close last year at Hoylake and with a putter he is comfortable with he might just do it.
The Open normally sees a strong showing from some unheralded Americans and with this Top 15 last year, one who fits the bill is relative newcomer, Sean O'Hair. He said he really enjoyed it last year, which is quite refreshing, as clowns like Scott Hoch in the past and this year, Woody Austin, can't be bothered with playing golf on courses and in conditions that have been prevalent since time began. More fool those guys, but some Americans love the challenge, and wouldn't miss it. Another fiver on O'Hair at 140/1 or thereabouts.
I would always have a fiver on Monty and always have done but not this time. Needless to say if he is in contention on Sunday, he will be seeing some of my hard earned but not at the outset.
One tip for Open betting novices, you don't have to go in all guns blazing before the off, you could sit out the first 2 days, so that the weather evens itself out. If it is calm in the morning, then normally the wind picks up in the afternoon, and as each player has one 'late' start and one 'early' start, then after 2 days, things have evened out. Obviously you don't get the prices then, but if want a cheeky tenner on one of your favourites or the leaders at 8/1 on Saturday morning then it may pay to do so.
Onto the Top GB&I and Top South African markets, the one that stands out for me is Graham McDowell in the former. He grew up playing links golf and is playing very well at the moment. 20/1 for top GB&I represents value for me.
A rather insane call on the Top SA is David Frost. He was a class golfer in his day, one of the best in the world, is playing very solidly at the moment and was well placed last time at Carnoustie. He is huge value at 33/1 in that market with not too many to beat and doubts over Els and Goosen, the class of the market.
There we go that's my £20 spent.....other notables are Love III at a huge price 389/1 (purely a hunch as his form has been rotten, but he has a decent record at the Open), Poulter at 74/1 (played great last week and has looked good in the past at Opens), Carl Petterson (a top player nowadays in the States and played well in the Open last year) at 169/1 on Betfair and Justin Leonard at 200/1 (just finding his feet after a quiet year or two and former winner of the Open).
If you are looking for a token Scot to give you a run for your money, then try Alastair Forsyth. He has played well in Opens before but normally goes backwards on the weekends in the past, he is playing well at the moment and though very unlikely to hold on, if he gets up there, he could be worth a trade outright or a small play on the Top GB & Ireland market. The last time I put up a token Scot at Carnoustie, it was Paul Lawrie and we all know what happened there.
Stick a quid on him too then!
Woods should win, but has come up short twice already this year in the Majors and others represent greater value.
Good luck!
Neil"
Thanks for that Neil. It's a brave man who puts his knackers, or indeed his credibility, on the line by posting such wild and unlikely predictions. Talking of which, here are the tips from wallsbet.com:
Place your hard earned on the following :
Donald 36-1 ew
Choi 75-1 ew
Bjorn 125-1
Forsyth 660-1 ew
MCGinley 450-1
JJ Henry at 640-1
Good luck punters!!!
K&K
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Week 1 Captain's Report - Home Versus WAMDSAD
RACKS PACK II – A NEW GENERATION……..
And so it came to pass that on the first day of the second week of the seventh month that a new era began. A three month journey, a quest if you will, full of highs and lows, thrills and spills, flair and skills, and (if possible) a bit more flair. Racks Pack second attempt to secure the Maidenhead Pool League Summer title was now awakening from its winter slumber - stirring, having a quick scratch, a belch, and then pulling on its pants ready for action.
There was a poignant smell in the air as I strode up the stairs to meet my comrades in arms, and it was the waft of celebration. Thirty four years ago to the very day a man was born that would take the helm of this motley crew and guide them to giddy new heights and that man was me. What better way to celebrate my birthday than to sink a few beers and crush some unsuspecting plebs in the process. The date was 9th July 2007, the place was Racks and the plebs were WAMSAD. Truly a mighty foe for such a mighty occasion.
The night had started shakily. Brad ‘the bear’ had called up at 7pm to say he ‘might not make it’ and followed it up with ‘I wont make it’ at 7:45pm. This caused a problem, not least because, with Tready blanking us to play for the other Racks side, it meant we only had five players. I have been toying with the idea of getting another permanent player in the side to add to our six but to be honest I don't want to if I can help it. I would like us to get through the section and then the six of us could play two frames every week and save me the hassle of picking a side for the knockout stages. Obviously it’s got its drawbacks when someone pulls out. This is going to really kick in for the next month as Lee misses three weeks to go on holiday with 82 of his closest friends and relatives. As if that wasn't enough my vice-sub-under-committee-captain-in-waiting is away for next week as well. So that gives us the sum total of four players for next Monday.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse - the Murphy’s was off! I couldn't believe it! How was I going to wash down the fine a la carte menu of Racks bistro-esque food that was bound to appear during the break? How lucky for us that the dozen triangular sandwiches between 6 of us could have been washed down with a cap full of mouthwash!
In desperation for a player we turned to Leo. Trying to convince him to play was tough, especially when he realised there was no money involved. Finally he agreed and we got six names down on the sheet just in time for 8pm.
At the start of a season you need to get off to a good start, you need a big man, with a big reputation for a big job. But with no one fitting that description we let JY crack on and he was more off than the Murphys. A stunning 10 minute demonstration of total budgeness put us 0-1 down.
The captain stepped in with an excellent clearance down to the simple black into the corner that was desperately unlucky not to end up in the middle pocket! Fortunately the WAMSAD player was in no mood to make it difficult and left me a tap in some visits later. 1-1
Steve ‘Dog’ Walton turned up at 8:15pm to tell us how he was beaten “by a lucky **** from a team full of spasmo’s”. It turned out that he was the only player on the Thatched team to lose.
I firmly believe that your best player should be in at number three. If you are 2-0 down you should be confident of getting it back to 2-1. If its 1-1 then you should be taking a lead. But I wasn't paying attention when I filled out the card as I was too busy trying to figure out where to put Leo so it turned out to be Kevin ‘Slugger’ Southam in the main role of trap 3. The excellent black along the rail to win it was completely out of context with the rest of the frame, but who cared - we were in front 2-1
Lee ‘Grinder’ Greenwood pulled out a superb win over Paul Webb who was unfortunate to run out of position during an attempted clearance. Neil ‘105.4 – he’s magic allll the way’ Cameron got off the mark without too much fuss and Leo made it 5-1 at the break with an interesting demonstration of 9-ball pool technique on an 8-ball pool table.
5-1 at the half and Leo went straight back on. He crowned his debut with a double on the night when his opponent attempted a WAM down the cushion but was left with the SAD when the red did three laps of the table after missing by four inches or more.
JY reprieved himself and the relieved himself all in the space of five minutes and as predicted in the ASN season preview left the building just shortly before ‘Wonder’Walls 100% record. An attempt to win the coveted ‘You’re not on telly now pointless flair shot of the week’ award resulted in a lovely two ball plant, screwing back to free his tough yellow, but missing it and watching the white bounce back off the cushion straight into the middle bag.
The Slugger notched up his double on the night with some solid potting but Lee and Neil both met with defeat to leave the final score at 8-4.
Could have been better , could have been worse. A lack of concentration and some rustiness in the last few frames cost us a bigger score. Actually, laying into Andy ‘Turncoat’ Treadwell as he lost on the other table on his debut for his new team didn't help.
And so it came to pass that on the first day of the second week of the seventh month that a new era began. A three month journey, a quest if you will, full of highs and lows, thrills and spills, flair and skills, and (if possible) a bit more flair. Racks Pack second attempt to secure the Maidenhead Pool League Summer title was now awakening from its winter slumber - stirring, having a quick scratch, a belch, and then pulling on its pants ready for action.
There was a poignant smell in the air as I strode up the stairs to meet my comrades in arms, and it was the waft of celebration. Thirty four years ago to the very day a man was born that would take the helm of this motley crew and guide them to giddy new heights and that man was me. What better way to celebrate my birthday than to sink a few beers and crush some unsuspecting plebs in the process. The date was 9th July 2007, the place was Racks and the plebs were WAMSAD. Truly a mighty foe for such a mighty occasion.
The night had started shakily. Brad ‘the bear’ had called up at 7pm to say he ‘might not make it’ and followed it up with ‘I wont make it’ at 7:45pm. This caused a problem, not least because, with Tready blanking us to play for the other Racks side, it meant we only had five players. I have been toying with the idea of getting another permanent player in the side to add to our six but to be honest I don't want to if I can help it. I would like us to get through the section and then the six of us could play two frames every week and save me the hassle of picking a side for the knockout stages. Obviously it’s got its drawbacks when someone pulls out. This is going to really kick in for the next month as Lee misses three weeks to go on holiday with 82 of his closest friends and relatives. As if that wasn't enough my vice-sub-under-committee-captain-in-waiting is away for next week as well. So that gives us the sum total of four players for next Monday.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse - the Murphy’s was off! I couldn't believe it! How was I going to wash down the fine a la carte menu of Racks bistro-esque food that was bound to appear during the break? How lucky for us that the dozen triangular sandwiches between 6 of us could have been washed down with a cap full of mouthwash!
In desperation for a player we turned to Leo. Trying to convince him to play was tough, especially when he realised there was no money involved. Finally he agreed and we got six names down on the sheet just in time for 8pm.
At the start of a season you need to get off to a good start, you need a big man, with a big reputation for a big job. But with no one fitting that description we let JY crack on and he was more off than the Murphys. A stunning 10 minute demonstration of total budgeness put us 0-1 down.
The captain stepped in with an excellent clearance down to the simple black into the corner that was desperately unlucky not to end up in the middle pocket! Fortunately the WAMSAD player was in no mood to make it difficult and left me a tap in some visits later. 1-1
Steve ‘Dog’ Walton turned up at 8:15pm to tell us how he was beaten “by a lucky **** from a team full of spasmo’s”. It turned out that he was the only player on the Thatched team to lose.
I firmly believe that your best player should be in at number three. If you are 2-0 down you should be confident of getting it back to 2-1. If its 1-1 then you should be taking a lead. But I wasn't paying attention when I filled out the card as I was too busy trying to figure out where to put Leo so it turned out to be Kevin ‘Slugger’ Southam in the main role of trap 3. The excellent black along the rail to win it was completely out of context with the rest of the frame, but who cared - we were in front 2-1
Lee ‘Grinder’ Greenwood pulled out a superb win over Paul Webb who was unfortunate to run out of position during an attempted clearance. Neil ‘105.4 – he’s magic allll the way’ Cameron got off the mark without too much fuss and Leo made it 5-1 at the break with an interesting demonstration of 9-ball pool technique on an 8-ball pool table.
5-1 at the half and Leo went straight back on. He crowned his debut with a double on the night when his opponent attempted a WAM down the cushion but was left with the SAD when the red did three laps of the table after missing by four inches or more.
JY reprieved himself and the relieved himself all in the space of five minutes and as predicted in the ASN season preview left the building just shortly before ‘Wonder’Walls 100% record. An attempt to win the coveted ‘You’re not on telly now pointless flair shot of the week’ award resulted in a lovely two ball plant, screwing back to free his tough yellow, but missing it and watching the white bounce back off the cushion straight into the middle bag.
The Slugger notched up his double on the night with some solid potting but Lee and Neil both met with defeat to leave the final score at 8-4.
Could have been better , could have been worse. A lack of concentration and some rustiness in the last few frames cost us a bigger score. Actually, laying into Andy ‘Turncoat’ Treadwell as he lost on the other table on his debut for his new team didn't help.
Racks Pack Markets
Hello everyone!
Or as they say in Blackpool – are you looking at my pint you soft shandy drinking…BBLLLLUURGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH…!
Hot foot from Blackpool, where “Berkshire’s Number One” made a partially successful debut in the World Pool Masters, we have news and views on the upcoming season of pool fun and frivolity from the Don of online betting, Don Mynuts of "Mynuts Online Casino & Bookmakers"
Top of the averages
Who will finish top of the averages? ALL even money with handicap.
Brad +0%
Lee +0%
Keith +5%
John +10%
Kevin +15%
Neil +15%
K&K say "There are no losers in this market! Six players all topping 70% last season - in one team! It's a captains dream!!!"
Don says "There’s been a seismic shift in this market in the run up to the season, as it was announced Andy Tredwell had been black-balled by Racks Pack for fratenising with the opposition. Brad & Lee are the men to beat. Both players only lost one game last season, and Lee only finished second by virtue of the fact he had played less games than Brad. With Brad's availability in question, both players are equal favourites to finish top of the (racks) pack. Further down the table Keith's prediliction for the flair shot could easily see him snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at least twice this season. If Kevin & Neil can cut out the schoolboy errors they could be the dark horses and represent the value in this market. "
Don's TIP: Put your knackers on Neil "105.4" Cameron with a 15 point headstart.
Special market – Combined Wins
Which pair will win the most games all season? ALL pairs at evens with handicap
Keith & Kevin +1 games
Brad & John +0 games
Lee & Neil +5 games
K&K say “Lump on us!!!”
Don says “The value looks to be in the combined market – Neil & Keith are the only two players likely to attend every week, but can they muster enough frames to overcome the handicap of being paired with a player missing some games? Are Kevin's shoulders big enough?"
Don's TIP: Pop down the garden centre, buy a wheelbarrow, then to the bank to get the mortgage out, then log on to mynutsonline.com and put the it all on Brad & John.
Most “pointless flair shot of the week” awards
Which player will win the most "pointless flair shot of the week" awards?
Keith 4/7
Brad evens
Rest 10/1
K&K say “This is a complete travesty. I’m Berkshire’s number one!”
Don says “It is hard to look beyond the two flair players in the team here. A quick look back over last seasons blog will tell you that Wonder Walls has a distinct habit of putting himself on in the second half after the game has been won – a breeding ground for the kind of “I don’t care I’ve got flair” shots and “on-drugs” clearances with which Keith has made name for himself over the years.”
Don's TIP: No value - no bet.
Other markets are available upon request.
K&K.
Odds courtesy of Mynuts Online Casino & Bookmakers. Don's fee for this appearence has been donated Whilmsly Ladies Bridge Club.
Or as they say in Blackpool – are you looking at my pint you soft shandy drinking…BBLLLLUURGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH…!
Hot foot from Blackpool, where “Berkshire’s Number One” made a partially successful debut in the World Pool Masters, we have news and views on the upcoming season of pool fun and frivolity from the Don of online betting, Don Mynuts of "Mynuts Online Casino & Bookmakers"
Top of the averages
Who will finish top of the averages? ALL even money with handicap.
Brad +0%
Lee +0%
Keith +5%
John +10%
Kevin +15%
Neil +15%
K&K say "There are no losers in this market! Six players all topping 70% last season - in one team! It's a captains dream!!!"
Don says "There’s been a seismic shift in this market in the run up to the season, as it was announced Andy Tredwell had been black-balled by Racks Pack for fratenising with the opposition. Brad & Lee are the men to beat. Both players only lost one game last season, and Lee only finished second by virtue of the fact he had played less games than Brad. With Brad's availability in question, both players are equal favourites to finish top of the (racks) pack. Further down the table Keith's prediliction for the flair shot could easily see him snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at least twice this season. If Kevin & Neil can cut out the schoolboy errors they could be the dark horses and represent the value in this market. "
Don's TIP: Put your knackers on Neil "105.4" Cameron with a 15 point headstart.
Special market – Combined Wins
Which pair will win the most games all season? ALL pairs at evens with handicap
Keith & Kevin +1 games
Brad & John +0 games
Lee & Neil +5 games
K&K say “Lump on us!!!”
Don says “The value looks to be in the combined market – Neil & Keith are the only two players likely to attend every week, but can they muster enough frames to overcome the handicap of being paired with a player missing some games? Are Kevin's shoulders big enough?"
Don's TIP: Pop down the garden centre, buy a wheelbarrow, then to the bank to get the mortgage out, then log on to mynutsonline.com and put the it all on Brad & John.
Most “pointless flair shot of the week” awards
Which player will win the most "pointless flair shot of the week" awards?
Keith 4/7
Brad evens
Rest 10/1
K&K say “This is a complete travesty. I’m Berkshire’s number one!”
Don says “It is hard to look beyond the two flair players in the team here. A quick look back over last seasons blog will tell you that Wonder Walls has a distinct habit of putting himself on in the second half after the game has been won – a breeding ground for the kind of “I don’t care I’ve got flair” shots and “on-drugs” clearances with which Keith has made name for himself over the years.”
Don's TIP: No value - no bet.
Other markets are available upon request.
K&K.
Odds courtesy of Mynuts Online Casino & Bookmakers. Don's fee for this appearence has been donated Whilmsly Ladies Bridge Club.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Fixtures 2007 Summer Season
Rack Pack cuemasters -
Here are our fixtures for the coming season.
9th Jul
Grenfell Rats v NMCC 'B'
Woodland Park BL 'B' v Golden Cross 'A'
Racks Pack II v WAMDSAD 'A'
Woodland Park BL 'B' v Golden Cross 'A'
Racks Pack II v WAMDSAD 'A'
16th Jul
Racks Pack II v Grenfell Rats
NMCC 'B' v Golden Cross 'A'
WAMDSAD 'A' v Woodland Park BL 'B'
23rd Jul
Grenfell Rats v Woodland Park BL 'B'
NMCC 'B' v Racks Pack II
Golden Cross 'A' v WAMDSAD 'A'
30th Jul
WAMDSAD 'A' v Grenfell Rats
Woodland Park BL 'B' v NMCC 'B'
Racks Pack II v Golden Cross 'A'
6th Aug
Grenfell Rats v Golden Cross 'A'
NMCC 'B' v WAMDSAD 'A'
Racks Pack II v Woodland Park BL 'B'
13th Aug
NMCC 'B' v Grenfell Rats
Golden Cross 'A' v Woodland Park BL 'B'
WAMDSAD 'A' v Racks Pack II
20th Aug
Grenfell Rats v Racks Pack II
Golden Cross 'A' v NMCC 'B'
Woodland Park BL 'B' v WAMDSAD 'A'
3rd Sep
Woodland Park BL 'B' v Grenfell Rats
Racks Pack II v NMCC 'B'
WAMDSAD 'A' v Golden Cross 'A'
10th Sep
Grenfell Rats v WAMDSAD 'A'
NMCC 'B' v Woodland Park BL 'B'
Golden Cross 'A' v Racks Pack II
17th Sep
Golden Cross 'A' v Grenfell Rats
WAMDSAD 'A' v NMCC 'B'
Woodland Park BL 'B' v Racks Pack II
24th Sep
Quarter Finals
1st Oct
Semi Finals
8th Oct
FINAL - Racks Pack II v ???
A quick glance at the fixtures sees us finish with four away fixtures out of our last five games, and that the three final stages of the season will each be held on a separate night. This is a shame - the atmosphere down at The Bell for last years finals night was great. However with three of the four quarter finals going to 13 frames it is perhaps understandable that this year the wise men and women of the committee have made other arrangements.
Coming Soon to a blog near you...
Your intrepid Racks Pack reporters report from Blackpool, where we visit Blackpool-based Don Mynuts, from official Racks Pack Bookmaker "Mynuts Online". With exclusive advance access to the Mynuts markets, and his tips for the value bets for the upcoming season, it's a report not to be missed.
Laters,
K&K
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Season Preview
Cueists, fantastic news!
Exploits of The Racks Pack have reached far and wide, to the point where the well known web broadcaster American Sports Network (ASN) has decided to feature our team in their weekly podcast! Check out www.asn.com/podcast/budg/rackspack to download it. As a special treat for those who can’t download podcast (the ASN server is playing up) here is the transcript of their summer season preview:
“Hi there and welcome to the Maidenhead Pool League summer preview, I’m your host Pat Butterscotch and to my left is a man who needs no introduction, Randy Ogre. Hi there Randy.”
“Hi Pat.”
“Well Randy, can it really be that time already? Is the world of high speed all action pool in the near Maidenhead area upon us yet again??”
“Yes it is Pat and I for one can’t wait. We’ve got a season of world class pool ahead of us, and if this season isn’t a hum-dinging, rip-snorting, helter-skelter of a season then my name isn’t Randy Ogre! When I told my young son that break off time was only a few days away, well his face just lit up. It warmed the cockles of this old mans heart!”
“I feel you there Randy! Why all I heard at the wig menders this morning was ‘Hey Pat, can the Racks Pack do it? Can they really win the title this year?’ and do you know what - I just don't know.”
“Well that's why we’re here Pat. And hey, I was in the supermarket yesterday lunchtime and I was reminded of you when I picked up a can of my favourite tinned peaches and read that they also come ‘set in a thick heavy syrup’.”
“What are you trying to imply Randy?”
“Oh nothing Pat, I’m just ribbin’ ya! So, onto the season and where do we start? Let’s take a look back at last year and remind everyone of what happened. After scraping past The Thatched Cottage on the deciding frame, the final was fought out between the Pond House and the emerging Bracknell BAPL side. Notable mentions also go to the other Thatched side - who put out Racks - and of course the Forresters who fell at the semi final hurdle, having chinned the Racks Pack on a sudden death decider during quarter finals night.”
“Golly yes, what an evening of pool we had on ‘Grand Slam’ night at the Bell. Four quarterfinals, and three of them right down to the wire. I like my pool matches to be like my women - exciting, tight and involving a coin toss to see who goes first.”
“Ooookay… moving on to this season, let’s look at the Racks Packs team and their section and see if we can unravel this enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a warm cardigan of reds and yellows.”
“Let’s start with the name change Randy, I see they have gone for Racks Pack II this year. Is this an improvement or should they have stuck in an animal name like ‘Racks Racoons’ or maybe a play on words like ‘Racks Deserting The Sinking Ship’?”
“Pat, I spoke to Coach Walls last week and he said simplicity is the key this season. The guys seem to struggle to spell anything with more than five letters unless its their own name, and the fact that the second word almost rhymes with the first makes it a lot easier all round”
“That's good thinking by the coach.”
“You better believe it Pat. Coach Walls is leaving nothing to chance this year after the mistakes last season when they stupidly wrote down the name ‘Andy Tredwell’ for the decider against the Forresters instead of Keith Walls.”
“Sweet mercy! We wont forget that screw up in a hurry. Say, whatever happened to ‘the Tredmill’?”
“He is out of there Pat. During the winter the whole franchise sat down and analysed how to separate the wheat from the chaff, he fell into the category ‘chaff’. So he has now been sold off to the rival Racks team. Tredwell paid a heavy price for that loss to Jason Gilbert.”
“How did they afford the fee Randy, because he can’t have come cheap?”
“The rumour is that the sale was bankrolled by a guy called Leo who is from Racks itself and is coughing up the money in regular monthly payments from now till Christmas.”
“Interesting.”
“It sure is Pat, it suuure is.”
“So let’s run through the line up and see what’s in store for the fans this season. Well, the ladies will be pleased to know that despite getting a ring on his finger Kevin ‘Slugger’ Southam retains his place as under-vice-sub-committee-captain-in-waiting.”
“That's good news not only for the ladies watching at home but also those down at the Honey Pot whose profits really took a downturn when the Racks Pack season wrapped up earlier than expected.”
“Absolutely Randy, those purveyors of the prancing poledance really had it bad after that loss to the Forresters. It’s gotta be a tough break for the wallet when some of your best customers just don't appear on a Monday evening.”
“You've hit the nail on the head Pat. A crushing blow for an establishment where less is defiantly more, and a Zorro mask and white tennis socks are the ensemble du jour.”
“Was that French Randy?”
“It sure was pat mon petit filous”
“So tell me, who else can we look forward to this season?”
“Pat, coach Walls is expected to play a more prominent role this time around. You may remember that he missed a lot of the season when he was farmed out to Frankfurt in Germany to attend a meditation clinic at the feet of a Zen master. It was there that he tried to focus his mind more clearly, so that he could actually concentrate more on his game and try to lose that lackadaisical attitude he seemed to have. They say he ‘found himself’.”
“Jeepers creepers Randy - all that Zen jiggery pokery must have really come in handy for the Maidenhead singles this year. Say, just how did he get on against Birdy in the semi final?”
“Let’s just say he found himself, forgot to exchange addresses, and subsequently lost himself again…err… moving onwards, Brad ‘the bear’ Robinson - chauffeur to the rich and famous - is back”
“Hey, now that really must be a shot in the arm for the Honeypot to see the big man and ‘the slugger’ back in the saddle again!”
“You’re way ahead of me there Pat. Those profits will soon be soaring and I hear that the owner already has a down payment on a new Jaguar and he expects to have it paid off by September. The big old bear doesn't mind putting his money where he hopes someone else’s mouth should be and assuming he doesn't abandon the team like he did last year those ladies could be finding something nice in their stocking this season.”
“That's right Randy, I'd almost forgotten about him running off three days before the quarter final to spend a week on holiday with Robert Uzzell!”
“You might have forgotten Pat but let me tell you Coach Walls hasn't. The Bear is on some thin ice this year and he is going to have to pull his thumb out to win back the respect of his fellow professionals.”
“Randy, I saw the doubles final and Robinson played like broken tambourine.”
“As usual you’re right Pat. It was lucky for him that Ray Wootton was like the M6 that night, lots of services and hard shoulders, whilst Robinson, well frankly he stunk the joint out”
“What about that guy from the North of England, is he still there?”
“John Young?”
“No, the other one, Neil Cameron”
“He’s from Scotland Land Pat! The home of Guinness!”
“Isn’t that Northern England Randy?”
“God-damn-it Pat – you’re right, I’ve just looked it up on my atlas. It’s the biggest county in Northern England!
"That's good geography Randy, that's why you’re the articulate brainy one and I’m the sports…commentary…presenter…type guy.”
“Coming right back at ya Pat. Yes, Neil is in for a second year and he really impressed last time out in his rookie season. After a mild attack of the yips in the first game of the season he really came good, well and truly earning his nickname Neil ‘105.4’ Cameron – he was magic allll the way!”
“You mentioned the great JY there a minute a go, and I suppose the burning question the viewers will want to know the answer to is…can we expect to see him in the building after 10:15 pm?”
“Whoooahhh, slow down there big fella that's something that not even God himself can predict. But I’d say the smart money is on no. This guy has more emergency exits than a 757. The only thing guaranteed to tumble out of the bar quicker than JY is Coach Walls’ 100% record!”
“Randy, I hear that Lee Greenwood is mixing up his love of the greyhounds with Monday night pool. Is it likely to have an affect on his performance?”
“No way Pat, this guy is as solid as a Racks Pack II ceramic mug which, incidentally, is available in our gift shop for only three ninety nine! This guy has more bad habits than an amateur dramatics production of Sound Of Music! If anyone can combine an unhealthy gambling habit with solid, grinding pool it’s him, and that can only be good for the rest of the side.”
“And what about the new guy they have on board, Daryl Hill, what can you tell us about DH.”
“Pat, I can’t say enough about this new guy, so I wont even bother. Next question”
“Randy, sum it up for us, what is going to happen this season”
“Pat, I will put my reputation on the line and say that these guys are winners and that this race for the pennant is going to end in a happy finish for all those Racks Pack fans.”
“Randy, you don't have a reputation”
“I’m hoping to gain one from this preview! I see the guys topping a weak-looking section that comprises of WAMSAD, Golden Cross A, Grenfell Rats, North Maidenhead cricket club and the unknown Woodlands Park British Legion”
“There are some serious heavyweights in that list Randy but I like your moxy and you sound confident”
“Pat, we are talking flair, flair, flair all the way. This team has got more flair than Robert Uzzell’s wardrobe! The random draw has put up a group of death consisting of the Pond House, Bracknell BAPL and the Thatched Cottage Cheese. Big names are gonna fall into a vat of mediocrity and that's must spell good news for our boys. Squad rotation and sufficient rest should see them cruise to the play offs and after that it's anyone’s ball game! A good pull in the knockouts and it's the glory trail for this bunch of handsome bananas.”
“Randy, I like the cut of your jib and I agree - these guys are just smooth enough and talented enough to pull this off. Let’s hope they can bring the silverware home for all the good folks out there in pool world.”
“Well, it looks like the clock has beaten us again and we have to go, but remember to tune in each week as we bring you all the action of the Racks Pack season. I’m Randy Ogre”
“And I’m Pat Butterscotch. Thanks for joining us, look after yourselves and remember the golden rules - don't let Gary Hoad borrow your cue, and don't let me be a stranger at the bar. Goodnight.”
© ASN 2007
Laters,
The Dream Team.
K&K.
Exploits of The Racks Pack have reached far and wide, to the point where the well known web broadcaster American Sports Network (ASN) has decided to feature our team in their weekly podcast! Check out www.asn.com/podcast/budg/rackspack to download it. As a special treat for those who can’t download podcast (the ASN server is playing up) here is the transcript of their summer season preview:
“Hi there and welcome to the Maidenhead Pool League summer preview, I’m your host Pat Butterscotch and to my left is a man who needs no introduction, Randy Ogre. Hi there Randy.”
“Hi Pat.”
“Well Randy, can it really be that time already? Is the world of high speed all action pool in the near Maidenhead area upon us yet again??”
“Yes it is Pat and I for one can’t wait. We’ve got a season of world class pool ahead of us, and if this season isn’t a hum-dinging, rip-snorting, helter-skelter of a season then my name isn’t Randy Ogre! When I told my young son that break off time was only a few days away, well his face just lit up. It warmed the cockles of this old mans heart!”
“I feel you there Randy! Why all I heard at the wig menders this morning was ‘Hey Pat, can the Racks Pack do it? Can they really win the title this year?’ and do you know what - I just don't know.”
“Well that's why we’re here Pat. And hey, I was in the supermarket yesterday lunchtime and I was reminded of you when I picked up a can of my favourite tinned peaches and read that they also come ‘set in a thick heavy syrup’.”
“What are you trying to imply Randy?”
“Oh nothing Pat, I’m just ribbin’ ya! So, onto the season and where do we start? Let’s take a look back at last year and remind everyone of what happened. After scraping past The Thatched Cottage on the deciding frame, the final was fought out between the Pond House and the emerging Bracknell BAPL side. Notable mentions also go to the other Thatched side - who put out Racks - and of course the Forresters who fell at the semi final hurdle, having chinned the Racks Pack on a sudden death decider during quarter finals night.”
“Golly yes, what an evening of pool we had on ‘Grand Slam’ night at the Bell. Four quarterfinals, and three of them right down to the wire. I like my pool matches to be like my women - exciting, tight and involving a coin toss to see who goes first.”
“Ooookay… moving on to this season, let’s look at the Racks Packs team and their section and see if we can unravel this enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a warm cardigan of reds and yellows.”
“Let’s start with the name change Randy, I see they have gone for Racks Pack II this year. Is this an improvement or should they have stuck in an animal name like ‘Racks Racoons’ or maybe a play on words like ‘Racks Deserting The Sinking Ship’?”
“Pat, I spoke to Coach Walls last week and he said simplicity is the key this season. The guys seem to struggle to spell anything with more than five letters unless its their own name, and the fact that the second word almost rhymes with the first makes it a lot easier all round”
“That's good thinking by the coach.”
“You better believe it Pat. Coach Walls is leaving nothing to chance this year after the mistakes last season when they stupidly wrote down the name ‘Andy Tredwell’ for the decider against the Forresters instead of Keith Walls.”
“Sweet mercy! We wont forget that screw up in a hurry. Say, whatever happened to ‘the Tredmill’?”
“He is out of there Pat. During the winter the whole franchise sat down and analysed how to separate the wheat from the chaff, he fell into the category ‘chaff’. So he has now been sold off to the rival Racks team. Tredwell paid a heavy price for that loss to Jason Gilbert.”
“How did they afford the fee Randy, because he can’t have come cheap?”
“The rumour is that the sale was bankrolled by a guy called Leo who is from Racks itself and is coughing up the money in regular monthly payments from now till Christmas.”
“Interesting.”
“It sure is Pat, it suuure is.”
“So let’s run through the line up and see what’s in store for the fans this season. Well, the ladies will be pleased to know that despite getting a ring on his finger Kevin ‘Slugger’ Southam retains his place as under-vice-sub-committee-captain-in-waiting.”
“That's good news not only for the ladies watching at home but also those down at the Honey Pot whose profits really took a downturn when the Racks Pack season wrapped up earlier than expected.”
“Absolutely Randy, those purveyors of the prancing poledance really had it bad after that loss to the Forresters. It’s gotta be a tough break for the wallet when some of your best customers just don't appear on a Monday evening.”
“You've hit the nail on the head Pat. A crushing blow for an establishment where less is defiantly more, and a Zorro mask and white tennis socks are the ensemble du jour.”
“Was that French Randy?”
“It sure was pat mon petit filous”
“So tell me, who else can we look forward to this season?”
“Pat, coach Walls is expected to play a more prominent role this time around. You may remember that he missed a lot of the season when he was farmed out to Frankfurt in Germany to attend a meditation clinic at the feet of a Zen master. It was there that he tried to focus his mind more clearly, so that he could actually concentrate more on his game and try to lose that lackadaisical attitude he seemed to have. They say he ‘found himself’.”
“Jeepers creepers Randy - all that Zen jiggery pokery must have really come in handy for the Maidenhead singles this year. Say, just how did he get on against Birdy in the semi final?”
“Let’s just say he found himself, forgot to exchange addresses, and subsequently lost himself again…err… moving onwards, Brad ‘the bear’ Robinson - chauffeur to the rich and famous - is back”
“Hey, now that really must be a shot in the arm for the Honeypot to see the big man and ‘the slugger’ back in the saddle again!”
“You’re way ahead of me there Pat. Those profits will soon be soaring and I hear that the owner already has a down payment on a new Jaguar and he expects to have it paid off by September. The big old bear doesn't mind putting his money where he hopes someone else’s mouth should be and assuming he doesn't abandon the team like he did last year those ladies could be finding something nice in their stocking this season.”
“That's right Randy, I'd almost forgotten about him running off three days before the quarter final to spend a week on holiday with Robert Uzzell!”
“You might have forgotten Pat but let me tell you Coach Walls hasn't. The Bear is on some thin ice this year and he is going to have to pull his thumb out to win back the respect of his fellow professionals.”
“Randy, I saw the doubles final and Robinson played like broken tambourine.”
“As usual you’re right Pat. It was lucky for him that Ray Wootton was like the M6 that night, lots of services and hard shoulders, whilst Robinson, well frankly he stunk the joint out”
“What about that guy from the North of England, is he still there?”
“John Young?”
“No, the other one, Neil Cameron”
“He’s from Scotland Land Pat! The home of Guinness!”
“Isn’t that Northern England Randy?”
“God-damn-it Pat – you’re right, I’ve just looked it up on my atlas. It’s the biggest county in Northern England!
"That's good geography Randy, that's why you’re the articulate brainy one and I’m the sports…commentary…presenter…type guy.”
“Coming right back at ya Pat. Yes, Neil is in for a second year and he really impressed last time out in his rookie season. After a mild attack of the yips in the first game of the season he really came good, well and truly earning his nickname Neil ‘105.4’ Cameron – he was magic allll the way!”
“You mentioned the great JY there a minute a go, and I suppose the burning question the viewers will want to know the answer to is…can we expect to see him in the building after 10:15 pm?”
“Whoooahhh, slow down there big fella that's something that not even God himself can predict. But I’d say the smart money is on no. This guy has more emergency exits than a 757. The only thing guaranteed to tumble out of the bar quicker than JY is Coach Walls’ 100% record!”
“Randy, I hear that Lee Greenwood is mixing up his love of the greyhounds with Monday night pool. Is it likely to have an affect on his performance?”
“No way Pat, this guy is as solid as a Racks Pack II ceramic mug which, incidentally, is available in our gift shop for only three ninety nine! This guy has more bad habits than an amateur dramatics production of Sound Of Music! If anyone can combine an unhealthy gambling habit with solid, grinding pool it’s him, and that can only be good for the rest of the side.”
“And what about the new guy they have on board, Daryl Hill, what can you tell us about DH.”
“Pat, I can’t say enough about this new guy, so I wont even bother. Next question”
“Randy, sum it up for us, what is going to happen this season”
“Pat, I will put my reputation on the line and say that these guys are winners and that this race for the pennant is going to end in a happy finish for all those Racks Pack fans.”
“Randy, you don't have a reputation”
“I’m hoping to gain one from this preview! I see the guys topping a weak-looking section that comprises of WAMSAD, Golden Cross A, Grenfell Rats, North Maidenhead cricket club and the unknown Woodlands Park British Legion”
“There are some serious heavyweights in that list Randy but I like your moxy and you sound confident”
“Pat, we are talking flair, flair, flair all the way. This team has got more flair than Robert Uzzell’s wardrobe! The random draw has put up a group of death consisting of the Pond House, Bracknell BAPL and the Thatched Cottage Cheese. Big names are gonna fall into a vat of mediocrity and that's must spell good news for our boys. Squad rotation and sufficient rest should see them cruise to the play offs and after that it's anyone’s ball game! A good pull in the knockouts and it's the glory trail for this bunch of handsome bananas.”
“Randy, I like the cut of your jib and I agree - these guys are just smooth enough and talented enough to pull this off. Let’s hope they can bring the silverware home for all the good folks out there in pool world.”
“Well, it looks like the clock has beaten us again and we have to go, but remember to tune in each week as we bring you all the action of the Racks Pack season. I’m Randy Ogre”
“And I’m Pat Butterscotch. Thanks for joining us, look after yourselves and remember the golden rules - don't let Gary Hoad borrow your cue, and don't let me be a stranger at the bar. Goodnight.”
© ASN 2007
Laters,
The Dream Team.
K&K.
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