Practice makes perfect?

Bye week for the racks pack so the hard core head to racks for some much-needed practice...

My Knight with Sir-Cumference.
Keith Walls
With no game on this week, Brad and I headed down to Racks for a fight to the death that left me bloody, but reasonably unscathed after a 20-16 defeat.

I was about 5 frames behind for most of the match. A couple of times I got close to him but came up dry on the break and he would dish up. Then more often than not he would take out a clearance on his break and I would be 5 frames down again in a matter of minutes. I cant believe how something as simple as potting a ball of the break could be so difficult. I kept a count and from my 18 breaks I only potted off 6 of them. I was 1 from 9 at one point! Tried all sorts of angles and speeds but still cant crack it.

Anyway enough of my bitching.

We watched some of our guys from our Thursday night Irish club team play Racks' ladies side and also my old Noctors team run the other Racks side close in a 7-5 defeat from 5-3 up. While watching the matches we were in a conversation with Jen and Claire ''the knee trembler'' about coping with pressure on an important shot. Since we don't have a report to put up this week I thought I would put up a story of something that I was reminded of during the chat.

Way back when I was first playing I ended up in a team called Brambles that, oddly enough, was playing from the Brambles Hotel. The team had qualified for the national 7-man championships and had the final regional qualifier at a pub in Harrow - the name escapes me. There were two tables in the pub and while we played on one table another match was taking place on the other side of the bar involving their 'B' team.

While you could have cut the tension with a knife on our table at 1-1 (first to 4) there was all sorts of shouting and noise coming from the other match. The captain of our opposition must have asked them a dozen times to keep it down and players were constantly having to stop when down on a shot because of some sort of distraction.

The bar itself had a strange design. When you walked through the double doors you were in a long corridor running to your left and right. In front of you was the bar , a room to the left with one table and a room to the right with the other table. The corridor wall itself was only up to waist height so when you were in either of the two pool rooms you could see the top halves of anyone walking to the gents on the left or the ladies on the right.

The captain apologised a number of times for the other guys behaviour but to be honest it wasn't as bad as some places we had been to and we told him not to worry. He appreciated it and during the break at 2-2 went on to say how "they've been banned from 4 leagues you know and they probably wont last long in this one the way they are going"

"Four leagues! What for? Fighting?"

"No," says the captain - "jousting"

"err.. What ?"

"Jousting - I'll show you"

The guy takes us to the back room bar and on one wall is about 20 trophies - champions of this, section winners of that blah blah blah - and on the opposite wall there is an equal amount of framed letters, different dates , different writing and all from pool committees. Most of them were along the same lines 'Dear Sir, our committee has found you guilty of breaking rule da da da with regards to the standards we expect in our league yada yada yada…and therefore we have taken the step of imposing a one year ban from the such and such league'. Three or four letters contained the lines 'jousting during pool matches' and the captain tried to tell us what it meant but his explanation made very little sense and he was too busy laughing anyway. We got a shout from the bar that the next frame was starting so we headed back in.

At 3-2 up and needing one more, there was a huge cheer next door - the B team had won their match and the other side was leaving so we stopped while everyone was moving about and waited until their side of the pub cleared.

After I had missed a black (some things never change) my opponent was looking to clear two yellows and the black for 3-3. After he sunk the first yellow and was cueing up on the second someone shouts out "TO YOUR STEEDS KNIGHTS" and two guys run to one end of the corridor and another two run to the other side but these two are standing on the other side of the corridor wall (which is waist high remember). Both guys jump onto their partner so theres a piggy-back thing going at each end of the bar. They look at each other and the first guy cries out "SIR MISS-A-LOT IM GOING TO KNOCKETH YOU INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK"

To which the reply came "SIR PUKE-A-LOT , I WILL NAIL YOU TO THE WALL YOU SCURVY KNAVE"

"CHAAAAAAARGGE!!"

The two piggy-backed players then ran at each other on opposite sides of the corridor wall with a lowered pool cue in hand, and had an almighty smash in the middle of the bar - sending each other crashing to the floor. They had grabbed old pub cues off the wall and flipped them round so they had the fat white rubber end pointing forwards and clattered into each other; beer, bodies, cues and tables scattered all over the place.

Meantime on our table, the guy cueing up for the yellow misses it by a barn yard as the shout of "CHAAAARGE" went up and I tapped in for the win.

It turned out that they went through this every home game. They all had nicknames and whoever lost during the pool match had to joust, the loser then bought a round. The only other names I can remember was Sir Cumference, Sir Cum-cision and Sir Per-Trooper - a 'knight' who would put the Abba song on the jukebox when it was his turn.

Five contests later and Sir-Cumference, clutching his ribs after Sir Puke-A-Lot had caught him square in the mid-rift and sent reeling over a chair, was off to the bar to pay his forfeit.

At 3-2 down, and trying to pull out a finish to save your team in a national tournament, the last thing you need is a jousting match going on behind you - that's real pressure!

Next report - how Kev 'Slugger' Southam held his breath on the last three balls to win his match at Yarmouth and almost passed out!

Remember team, no match this coming bank holiday Monday. Next game is the Thatched in the big one at Racks on the 4th September. You may be pleased to hear that there is an almost 100% chance that the captain will be working in Germany and miss this crucial encounter.

Rumours that Kev and JY rang my boss to organise it are unconfirmed.