Dear Racks Pack...

Postal Strike?? What postal strike??

It's a packed mailbag yet again down here in the Racks Offices. Let's print some grievances and give airtime to some oddballs as we open up the sack.

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Dear Rackspack,

I hear that you guys play a bit of poker and know your stuff. I was at the Racks £6 freezeout on Wednesday and I found myself in the following situation - what do you recommend.

I was in the Big Blind with a pair of 7s. The person in first position raised to 1000, this was called by a woman who had not played a hand all night (worrying I thought). Then the person on the button thinks for ages before calling and the small blind folded. I decided not to raise, but instead just called hoping to hit another 7. Just as the flop came out, so did the sandwiches. What I want to know is - was I right to eat the sandwiches or should I have bought a snickers?

Juan Tonamero, Taplow

RP - This is a serious dilemma and one that we have all found ourselves in. I was there on Wednesday playing in the singles league and I heard from a source that some of those sarnies had been there since Monday. Of course the difference between the pair of sevens and the tuna sandwiches is that at least you could always fold the sevens.
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Dear Rackspack,

Is the sight of James Harness coming up the stairs into Racks in full motorcycle leathers and still wearing his crash helmet the scariest looking thing on planet? I honestly thought my number was up and the grim reaper had arrived for me. Can you stop him doing that again or at least give a warning that he is going to arrive?

Frightened of Maidenhead

RP - We will try our best. But to be honest we have seen him consume a four course meal for two by himself and then down a pint of lager on top of that. Far more frightening.
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Hey guys,

I’ve just purchased "Relaxation and Tranquility - a step by step guide to Inner Peace" by Rod Harvey, is it up there with Martin Smith’s "Learning to pot balls" course?

Karl Von Warehouse

RP - Pretty much. I can also recommend "Me and Ray - a guide for lovers" by Andy Brant, "Great Handshakes through the Ages" by Steve Payne and "Conquering Shyness" by Robert Uzzell. If they’re not available we have two of Gary Hoads books in the office, you are welcome to borrow them - "Cue Snapping - enter the ninja" and "Magners Cider - its part in my downfall". [Don’t forget the Rackspack bestseller “Hiro loves Andy and Ray”, Andy Brant’s seminal guide to under-age, under-the-counter Thai adoption – ED]
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Hi RP, what’s the deal here??

Does this Brad guy actually exist or is he made up? My wife and I are always arguing about it. I say he must exist, but she says that you guys have made him up just to have an extremely thin 'running joke' every week. Maybe it’s like Arthur Daley’s wife in Minder or Keyser Soze in that film Usual Suspects.

Anyway, I say that he does exist and further more I think I have tracked him down for you. A few weeks ago I was in Thailand on holidays with some mates. We all drank a few too many and for a laugh we went to one of those 'Lady-Boys' theatres. It cost us about 50 pence to go in and we were hoping to set up my mate as it was his birthday.

When we took our seats they began by performing a 30 minute play called "Larder Boys Nob In". The star of the show was a bear of a man with a Chelsea tattoo on his left “breast”. It was actually very funny and at the end we even managed to get an autograph from him, the well named Babylon Resin Rod.

Back at the hotel after a few more beers imagine my amazement when I worked out that Larder Boys Nob In and Babylon Resin Rod are actually anagrams of Bradley Robinson!!!!!!!!! [Is this the blog equivalent of the leading man explaining the plot of a confusing film to his leading lady and simultaneously making sure the audience understand what is going on? – ED] We were stunned!!! We raced back to the theatre but it had shut for the night and we never returned.

Could I be onto something?

Marcus Absent

RP - Are you onto something? For your sake Marcus, let’s hope not.
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Dear Rackspack,

I’ve just looked up on the web where you play. Your town is next to places called Cookham and Burnham, what the hell do you do down there? Burn Witches??

Anon.

RP – Very droll anon. Sorry to disappoint you though but we don’t burn them, we recycle all of our used magazines.
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Dear Rackspack,

Just to let you both know, the op went well, I am now recovering xxxx

Jane (ex Brad)

RP - Hmmmm…….
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More inane dribbling next time we open our bulging sack...


K&K