Week 6 Captains Report - Away versus WAMDSAD

Five go mad down the WAMDSAD Social!

Great god almighty is it that time again?? Monday afternoon, pool this evening! Quick check of the fixtures…da da da de da…(finger going across the page). There we go. Oh Lordy, it’s time to play against everyone’s favourite 80s pool cover band WHAM-SAD!

Ok, mail everyone

“WAMSDAD away. Meet at Racks if you like, I should be there about 7:30”.

Right, all I have to do is sit back, relax and wait for Brad to blow us out yet again…..sure enough, despite mailing me and saying how he would be there and having the front to call me a ‘butt monkey’, the inevitable 7:26pm SMS arrived:

“sorry mate working”.

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I’m just going to digress here for a moment so bear with me......Last week the football season kicked off with Sunderland playing Tottenham. SKY had been hyping up the premiership to all new levels of tackiness with the promise of excitement and thrilling action. Ultimately, the game turned out to be one of the worst in premiership history and if it wasn't for the last minute goal, it would have been an utter damp squib and a total waste of time watching. I’m starting to get that feeling about Brad Robinson’s eventual debut!

I wake up in a cold sweat at night in the middle of this reoccurring dream. We are playing Dom’s lot in the final. [please make this part come true – ED] Brad has sent me a text telling me he will be there in the second half. He then loses and it ends up 6-6. He begs me to let him play the decider and promises me he will make up for missing the season by winning the clincher. I give in and he clears up to leave a simple black over the bag. Just as he hits the white his boss rings him , the phone goes off in his pocket and Brad miscues topping the white in to lose the match.
It occupies my every waking minute……
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I get to Racks to cop the usual flak from the slack jawed yokels in the team about us only having five again. But my spirits are lifted when I see that Martin Smith has an advert on the noticeboard. He is offering ‘potting’ lessons at reasonable rates. The mind boggles. What’s next I wonder - how to have a good attendance by Brad Robinson? Don't let alcohol ruin your pool semi final at 6-5 down with Steve Cox??? Sandwiches - how to make the meal of kings by the Racks Bar staff ?? [I sense a whole article coming on here – ED]

Brad missing again but Leo is in ‘da house and he is in full effect (one for all you young homeys out there). He takes some convincing but finally agrees to make up the sixth player to add to the usual suspects and the return of ‘Grinder’ Greenwood.

Kevin offers him a lift down but Leo hasn't eaten yet and says he needs to stop off at McDonalds.

“MCDONALDS!!!”

Kevin freezes in his tracks like a gun dog hearing a duck quack at 400 yards. The shoulders are back, ears are pricked…he’s motionless…hmmmm McDonalds…

We snap him out of it and send him off with JY instead to save him from temptation.

It's the second half of the season and it’s time to kick the arse of PAMSDAD and stamp our authority on the section.

I’m useless [should there be a full stop here – ED] in the opener and get lucky when my opponent gives me two shots. I clear up to the black and attempt a double into the corner instead of the simple cut to clinch ‘Flair shot of the week’ but choke it and need to use the second visit. 1-0

Kevin is total budge! I’ve seen better frames round the pictures in a curry house. It is woeful and the current King of the Averages has blundered the lead away. The team gives him the slating he deserves but he has his revenge on me with the football card. I chuck in a pound and ask for Norwich and Plymouth but he writes down Celtic and Bolton as he tells me that I cant pick my nose at the moment. I don't need to tell you what happened…

“I thought you had taken Norwich” says the vocal local from WIGWAMSMAD as he walks off with the tenner that should have been mine!

JY goes on and is nothing short of awesome. They break and JY produces the dish of the summer season - fresh fruit, ice cream even the cherry on top. He went through his opponent so fast that we had to hose pieces of the guy from out of the grill of the JY-mobile that had just run over him.

‘Magic’ chalked up another W for 3-1, and two weeks at an intensive Spanish summer training camp paid off for Lee immediately afterwards. 4-1.

Game six, and Leo stepped up as the man with the 100% record and sat down ten minutes later as the man with the 80% record. At the break it was Racks Pack 4, HAMSALAD 2.

Leo then got back up to 84% with an excellent black to the centre. Kevin redeemed himself and his reputation and JY and Lee took their games without much fuss.

I ended up playing a woman who pleaded with me to make sure she got at least one shot. She broke, I potted three yellows, split the pack, managed to sink the black in the centre off two reds, shook her hand and sat down again - what a gentlemen! Racks Pack 8 LAMBSNADS 3.

It was left to ‘Magic’ to put up his double on the night and join JY at the top of the averages board. So it finished 9-3, six wins out of six, and having side-stepped the pate and onions on French bread, we managed and got back to Racks by 10pm - result.