Week 5 Captains Report - Home versus Woodlands Park

Half way, half a team and still winning!!

I don't think I need to write this bumbling rubbish anymore. I’ve discovered that every weekly report starts with the same thing, but like a suburban swingers orgy there’s something warm and friendly about it all. So let me just clear my throat and start this weeks blog on our match with Woodlands Park …..urrhrgh urghhghh…[cough]…Ahem...

So we were going to have six players for the first time ever and I could finally relax for change. Or so I thought. The next thing I get a text message from Lee saying he can’t make it and we are down to five. Brad had rung me on the Sunday to tell me that he would be there and how it would be good to play again, but seeing as he was not in the building and it was 7:45 I was starting to have my doubts.

It’s a sorry state of affairs when Brad doesn't even bother making up some lie about picking up his boss – these days he just doesn't bother turning up. JY texted him about 8:30 to find out where he was and got the reply “somewhere outside hemel – was trying to get back but don't think I’ll make it”!

An emergency phone call went out to James Harness, who again showed superb commitment and even better parenting skills by agreeing to play a couple of frames for us while his daughter propped up the bar. A true Harness. As for the extra player we needed, well, why break the habits of a season by having someone on standby , we were just going to wing it and grab someone from the bar.

I kicked off proceedings and made it 1-0. Kev took out another good finish for 2-0. As the black went down James turned up to bail us out, but asked if he could play his matches as soon as possible. After JY ran away with his match for 3-0, everything was looking rosy.

*Whose frame is it anyway*

So now it was time for our now weekly round of “Whose Frame Is It Anyway”. I’m thinking of turning this into a regular blog competition that you can write in for. We’ll give away a prize if someone can guess the correct order in which we played our frames.

On the team sheet James was in sixth spot to give him plenty of time to get there. But with his daughter in tow, we moved his sixth frame up to fourth to get his first one in. He duly made it 4-0 with this weeks winner of ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’. Trying to get his frame over in the quickest possibly time he slammed everything. His opponent then decided to leave the white on the bottom cushion and the black on the top one to slow him down. This was sheer folly on his part as James was up out of the seat before the balls had stopped rolling and had smashed the double in while his opponent was still walking back to his team mates and talking about what a great safety he had played!

Because James wanted to go as quickly as possible (and who wouldn't after that double) we played his second half, position seven frame next. But he couldn't perform to his previous high-flair standard, lost, grabbed his daughter who had sat politely at the bar and left.

Then it was back to the original running order with frame four, where ‘Magic 105.4’ was hoping to carry on his good recent form. It wasn't to be. In fairness he was up against a talented player. The Woodlands Park guy had everything a great pool player needs - except any kind of decent positional sense, potting ability, tactical skills or decent cue action – in other words, he owned a cue! 4-2

While this was going on Kevin had been ‘circulating’ looking for this weeks mystery guest who would end up playing twice. In the best traditions of ‘The Reputation’ he came back with a woman on his arm. Anne-Marie Hamilton started the evening wondering if her boyfriend would get a game for the over subscribed team of Dom Taylor, and finished it playing for the under subscribed but vastly more talented and better looking Racks Pack. Complete with 6 month old child she became the latest debutant for the Racks Pack.

Truthful to her talents Anne-Marie told us that she couldn't break but could pot a bit. She proved the first part of that statement when she broke, dislodged a sole red from the front of the pack, and went in-off via the side cushion. The second part was in no danger of being disproved as the Woodlands Park player needed no second invitation and cleared up pretty quickly. 4-3 and with Anne having to play again in the second half our 100% record was looking in danger.

Now for all of you in the “Whose frame is it anyway” competition, you will remember that James had already played seventh, so Anne-Marie went straight back in at number eight. That makes this weeks winning numbers:

1 – 2 – 3 – 6 – 7 – 4 – 5 – 8 - 9 – 10 – 11 – 12

If you had those numbers be sure to contact us on the racks pack email address to collect your signed photo of ‘The Reputation’ in his one of his ‘ladies night’ shirts. Truly a thoughtful gift for that special lady in your life.

Back to the action, and with Anne-Marie having lost again the score was 4-4. We needed to win three of the final four frames to scrape a victory. We didn’t need me to play like a monopoly set that had half the pieces missing, but I got away with it. 5-4

JY was monstrous yet again, and after Kev and Neil both secured there second wins of the evening, the score looked far more comfortable than it was at 8-4.

So our 100% record is intact, and it’s 5 wins from 5 so far. Given the personnel problems we’ve had, it’s a miracle in itself.

*Half-time*

Having mocked Dom’s team (and rightly so) for having so many players, I took a role call of who we have used this season, and scarily enough it’s TEN.

Keith, Kevin, Neil, JY, Lee, Will (Graham), Justina, Anne-Marie, James, John Cornell and his wife Sharon.

So we’re ten-up, and that doesn't include Brad, who is bound to turn up in the last game of the season to ensure that he gets a trophy. This would help justify not only his reputation as ‘the most hated man in pool’ but also his new nickname ‘Mutley’. For those of you old enough to remember Mutley was Dick Dastardly’s dog in the “Stop the Pigeon” & “Wacky Races” cartoons, and would do anything for his boss if it meant that he would get a medal (“gimme gimme medal”)

To add an extra kick in the butt for our side [do you mean incentive – Ed] here is the current percentages (assuming I can add up properly) of the Racks Pack ‘proper’:

Keith 80% (8 from 10)
Neil 80% (8 from 10)
JY 80% (8 from 10)
Kev 83% (5 from 6)
Lee 50% (1 from 2)
Brad 0% (0 from 0)

Can you feel the love???

Facing four of our last five matches away from home is going to make it even more difficult (if that were possible) to drag in somebody to fill the inevitable gaps. But with five wins from five we can afford the odd slip up. I’ve no idea who is behind us in the league as the league website hasn't been updated for weeks. Come on chaps, if I can find an hour or two to write this dirge [It takes you over an hour to produce this filth? – Ed], then surely the scores can be put on weekly [as oppose to weakly – Ed]

*Coming Soon*

On a final note, your blog hosts K&K have been busy in the last few weeks, gathering thoughts, opinions and tips from the great and good of UK Pool, and no, I’m not just talking about Robert Uzzell. We are hoping to have our exclusive interviews with these luminaries of the modern game on the site pretty soon, and hopefully another mailbag as my sub-vice-zwitter-in-waiting-‘always the bridesmaid never the bride’-under-captain informs me that his sack is bulging and needs airing.

Ciao.