Four games gone, two to go and the stars were beginning to align themselves in the heavens once again. It was August and so as usual we were cruising to a divisional title and preparing ourselves for the inevitable screw up in the knockout stages. With only the Anchor and the Rose left to play the title was secured, and it was only the small matter the showboat at £16 plus all its kudos that was pulling us into North Maidenhead Cricket Club.
Match Report - Rackspack versus The Anchor
I'd had a pretty abysmal last few days, and to top it all didn’t think I was going to make the match. Coach Southam was in some lap dancing club in Belgium and wasn’t about .That’s another of the Rackspack “bankers” for the season ticked off. “Coach in Euro lap dance club – check”. JY had taken up the temporary mantle of being in charge and without my presence there was going to be no webcam.
However by a stroke of luck and continuing the theme of ‘everything I touch is turning to crap at the moment’ I managed to break something I was fiddling with at work that night (your todger perhaps – ED.) and so my shift came to an abrupt but timely end at 8pm. I raced down to NMCC clutching the laptop and webcam and arrived for the second frame and we were 1-0 up. I wasn’t in the mood to suffer fools but seeing the faces in the room it left me with very little option. I was bordering on a Michael Douglas ‘Falling Down’ moment as I'd been seething about in a bad mood for a couple of days and didn’t need any jive.
After getting the webcam set up and finding for some reason that it wouldn't quite focus properly I got a Guinness and sat down having done the best I could. I copped flak from Hokey Cokey that last weeks blog was too long and “what was all that about the tree outside the pub thing”. This was followed by the MHMIP chirping in that the blogs were too short now and not like last year. In a desperate attempt to free myself from the two-pronged attack I ref'd Pats frame with Albie and it was dire. In fact it was not so much a refereeing duty more like a hostage situation as I was forced to stand and watch the whole thing to the end. It finished with Pat playing a cunning safety that left Albie a full view of the black into the corner and it was 1-1.
JY had put me in and dropped himself with the idea that me playing would cheer me up a bit. And of course I went on and got beat by this woman from the Anchor and potted one ball and one white in three visits. This included a cracking shot where I tried to pot a red to the middle and left it 3 inches short failing to even hit a cushion.
I know what you're thinking packfans - this is great I can't wait to see it on the webcam highlights. Well here it comes, the old “captains log – supplemental”. Having set the camera up and getting it running I noticed that after this lady broke their ref was standing in front of it. On the laptop I could see the proud silhouette of the back of his head filling the screen. I apologise for not having the name of my lady opponent but I didn’t get the result card this week that Kev normally mails me (errr, I wasn't there – ED.). Anyway, while she was playing her second shot I asked the ref would he mind moving and he replied “I'm the ref I can stand where I like”. I took a deep breath and counted to five. “It's just that your standing in the way of the camera”. The “I'm standing here” was as welcome as an Icelandic volcano and being too tired and fed up to attempt to reason with him I got 6 magic out-of-focus minutes of the back of his head.
It was a shame really, especially as I got totally stuffed and she played really well. So if his thought was to somehow protect her from a possible humiliation, well either he didn't know her or he didn't know me - it backfired. Kev and I did wonder if people would object to the webcam and when we have used it I have asked the opposition if they minded. As we only have 3 teams to play I assumed that it would be fine on both legs and this was at our venue as well.
Just when I was wondering if my week could get any worse I threw a couple of quid into the football card just to finish it off and guess who won it. Yep the human lens cap - remarkable! Why don’t I go the whole hog and pay Brad a tenner to knee me in the sweetbreads?
Anyway the knock on effect was that we then ended up missing the most important frame of the night. Neil “Magic” Cameron broke and dished in frame six and took the second showboat of the season for £22. I almost hadn’t the heart to tell him that we didn’t have the camera running – but Brad was there so I knew I could rely on him to have a giggle at Neil's expense. Not that Neil was that bothered (or so he told me but I suspect otherwise) but he had just taken out a cracker which culminated in a superb double on his second last red to clinch it.
We were 4-2 up at the half I think (who cares) and I was dropped for JY to come in for the second set.
The rest of the frames passed along without anything of note. JY showed he could play equally as bad as me and the lady who had chinned me became the first player this season to win two on the night against “the pack”. From memory only two people managed it last season. This was a fine effort despite Hokey writing her name down on the card as Wanda Legova for some reason.
And as the night wore down or I did, one of the two, “Magic” stepped up in the last frame to take on the absolute number one, top of the heap , head cheese , numero uno honcho, motherload of all sporting achievements – could he break and dish twice in one night and therefore complete a mythical double of two showboats? Our breath was baited, I kicked off the webcam, called up the commentary team and we all took our places for the last waltz...
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/1/ADN5u48Kjbo
And so onto the final week of the league sections before the knockout stages. Standing between us and a 100% record was The Rose. They had there own agenda as a win against us would guarantee them a spot in the knockout stages as one of the best runners up. For us it was time to relax, let the cue arm go, and see if anyone could match the incredible achievements of Neil who managed to break and dish in both his frames last week collecting a total of £27 of Showboat money.
I'd missed the first game against the Rose thanks to the dreaded “W” word (work !). As I drove up to North Maidenhead cricket club my mind began to wander to the roses I had in my back garden. I was trying to uproot them only last week as they are getting out of control and the area they are in was all overgrown. I bought a pair of those hard wearing leather gloves to guard my hands against the thorns and very useful they were too. When I was finished I only had to suffer a couple of pricks for all the hard work I'd put in. Anyway like I said I got to NMCC and Rob Walsh couldn’t make it and Neil and Kevin were running late as usual.
Match Report - Rackspack v The Rose
Thanks to Neil's showing off last week we were back to zero on the ‘boat’. In case the unthinkable happened and he did it again he was put in first. And guess what, the unthinkable happened again and he broke and dished! Holy crap - three in a row!?!? Incredible darts from the man who has become known as Mr Boat. The only consolation was that as I was late getting there I didn’t have the webcam set up and missed it. But to be quite honest what is the point in recording them when he is doing it all the time now. Three frames, three breaks, three dishes - it's getting boring.
Nearly every match we play this season is over in two hours or less so it's never dull, and tonights match was no exception. Everyone was looking to launch every ball they could to try and grab a clearance before the knockout stages, and chances are that we wont run it for the rest of the season as the serious stuff begins. After Neil's boat John Shiel put us 2-0 up on the night and Coach Southam kindly kept the opposition in it at 2-1 with a quality in off on his last red that made the highlights reel.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/a/u/0/fZN_yq6Ss4Y
Brad, JY and Keith put us 5-1 up at the break with what can only be described as dubious wins. Trying desperately to have a clearance there were balls flying all over the place as they scrambled for positioning to keep breaks going. By half time it was 5-1 and all we needed was another special moment from the Most Hated Man In Pool. It duly arrived as he extended his moniker to the “Most Hated Man in Scratch Cards” when he won the footy card. That's the thing with Bradley, if he doesn’t get on the showboat then he will get you some other way.
With Neil on for a never-seen-and-never-will-be-again fourth dish in-a-row he was cruelly robbed of the opportunity when his number failed to come out for the second half draw. But a moment of chivalry from JY saw him step down and allow “Mr Boat” to come in for the final frame of the night.
The Rose were 5-1 down and needed the mother lode of all comebacks. It got going when Frank Jones handed Coach Southam the first double doughnut of the season for Rackspack. No one had managed two losses on the night this season but another in off condemned him as Double-O Southam. Brad helped push the Rose score along when losing to Steve Wright and the Wonders complete mess up of a double put the Rose on 4, but that's was as far as they got. John Shiel grabbed his second of the night against Bob Frankel and then Pat Phelan had a sniff at the £9 Showboat. He had brought his wife Natasha with him so was obviously out to impress. The question was, could he hold himself together with “the pack” on his case and his better half chewing her fingernails from the tension…
link to follow...
Last frame, and it came down to Neil to see if he could live up to his new nickname and could he make it four breaks and dishes in a row??? Well, no he couldn’t so that was that! Thank god. He did manage a win though and a final score of 8-4.
It’s a break next week for bank holiday Monday and then the real stuff begins. Five years of hurt is surely coming to an end for Rackspack. This time, more then any other time, this time, we're gonna find a way...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Match Report - Week 4 - Away versus Golden Cross 'A'
Half the season gone, half the season to go and the back half started at the Crooked Billet on Monday night. Half pub, half curry house and for a while half a team as people struggled to make it. Was it the fact that the Showboat had gone and was now a measly £4 after the MHMIP had struck? Had we shot ourselves in the foot by inventing a novelty gimmick that was supposed to keep attendance up but now maybe has the reverse effect? There were more questions than answers last Monday as we descended on the Billet.
It had been a draining 24 hours in the world of pool. Any of you who were at the Berkshire county match on Sunday would have seen Berkshire win a Grand Slam for the first time in our history with the ladies, A , B and C teams all winning against Hampshire. In the 'A', at 22-21 the whole day had come down to one frame and Rackspack kingpin Pat Phelan potted the magical black to snatch a win from the jaws of a draw. It gave me a chance to sing “You’ve lost… to Patrick Phelan..wooa-ohh to Patrick Phelan” to the Hampshire player but as no one else joined in I had wasted what I thought was a great gag. Emotional drained by the whole county experience and with a piffling four quid in the Showboat we could have been forgiven for easing off. But we of the pack are made off sterner stuff, and with the threat of being embarrassed on Youtube now a stark and weekly reality, you couldn’t afford to be pulling up a chair with Mr Flange and ordering the all you can eat Budget Buffet.
A “Crooked Billet” is in fact nothing to do with rivers, birds or the U.S battle of the same name during the American civil war. It actually refers to what was hung outside the pub in olden days to show that it was a public house or inn available for drinking and lodging. As there were no signs in those days the owner would hang something outside the door as a marker for weary travellers to find. Pubs such as “The Boot” or “The Copper Kettle” for example would have those items stuck to the door. You could then tell a stranger that if they wanted some food or a bed for the night they had to walk up the street until they reached “The Copper Kettle”.
A ‘Billet’ was a bent piece of wood or crooked branch that would have been snapped off a tree and nailed above the entrance for all to see. “Just go down the road until you see the crooked billet”. In latter and more modern times, rather than break parts off a tree you might have seen a couple of planks outside instead. Anyway as I arrived on Monday Brad Robinson and Rob Walsh were already at the door waiting.
Match Report – Away versus The Crooked Billet v Rackspack
JY was absent this week and with only four pound in the boat the Coach Southam's random selection draw was greeted with a “ah whatever” as the numbers were read out. Neil was late anyway so he moved into slot 7 and John Shiel led off. A scrappy frame with Wayne Shepherd saw John put us 1-0 up. It was 2-0 when, under the most severe and intense pressure of playing Coach Southam, Tony Baxter ordered from the Budget Buffet and left a straight forward black in the jaws for the Coach to polish off.
The Billet got back into the match when St John knocked in a great long red from just under the cushion and followed up with a nice black to defeat Rob Walsh (2-1), but their hope was short-lived. Brad, Pat Phelan and The Wonder extended the lead by the time the bhajis were served. Of particular note in the Wonder's frame was his escape to pot his last red, being light years ahead in skill compared to his always feared and always unnecessary ‘pointless drag shot’ that he keeps pulling out just to remind us how badly he can play it. With a red over the bottom bag it was harder to miss than pot but with the pointless drag in his locker anything is possible. In the end the miss made no difference as we hit the break 5-1 up.
The chronic drag shot could have been the reason behind The Wonder being on the drop-tip for the second half. Meanwhile the Showboat had crept up to a not untidy tenner and no one had really looked in the running.
That was until Neil “The magic” popped up and was going great until he split the black and failed to get onto his last yellow. A desperate attempt at the double narrowly missed and the showboat lived on. Unperturbed “Magic” potted a great yellow from a total snooker to beat D Shepherd.
Coach Southam exacted Rackspack Revenge on St John after a frame that was, quite frankly, an offence to all who watched it as Coach proceeded to try and gather all six of his balls around two corner pockets without potting them (7-1). Rob made up for defeat in the first six to put us 8-1 ahead.
Hokey Cokey scarified winning against Tony Baxter by trying to win Pointless Flair shot of the week. The attempt to treble the black in round the angles was poor. The second attempt when he left the black back in the same place it started was even worse. Somewhere in the middle of this incompetent sandwich Tony got a chance and took it with a fine double on the black (8-2).
The biggest cheer went up as Brad broke dry when all we feared was that he might take the boat again. The mood was further lightened as the Bear managed to pot the black when still with a ball left. That brings the total of frames lost by us fouling on the black to three.
So as the evening drew to a close and we all contemplated a possible Showboat roll-over for next week at North Maidenhead, the Berkshire county hero of Sunday sneaked in on the blind-side. After his opponent broke and went in off it was ball in hand, and the final question of the night was could Pat take down the £16 or was it going to be a roll-over...
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/a/u/1/zqqqu59I0vQ
Shots of the week:
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/a/u/0/WGOoA9Y7eHU
K&K
It had been a draining 24 hours in the world of pool. Any of you who were at the Berkshire county match on Sunday would have seen Berkshire win a Grand Slam for the first time in our history with the ladies, A , B and C teams all winning against Hampshire. In the 'A', at 22-21 the whole day had come down to one frame and Rackspack kingpin Pat Phelan potted the magical black to snatch a win from the jaws of a draw. It gave me a chance to sing “You’ve lost… to Patrick Phelan..wooa-ohh to Patrick Phelan” to the Hampshire player but as no one else joined in I had wasted what I thought was a great gag. Emotional drained by the whole county experience and with a piffling four quid in the Showboat we could have been forgiven for easing off. But we of the pack are made off sterner stuff, and with the threat of being embarrassed on Youtube now a stark and weekly reality, you couldn’t afford to be pulling up a chair with Mr Flange and ordering the all you can eat Budget Buffet.
A “Crooked Billet” is in fact nothing to do with rivers, birds or the U.S battle of the same name during the American civil war. It actually refers to what was hung outside the pub in olden days to show that it was a public house or inn available for drinking and lodging. As there were no signs in those days the owner would hang something outside the door as a marker for weary travellers to find. Pubs such as “The Boot” or “The Copper Kettle” for example would have those items stuck to the door. You could then tell a stranger that if they wanted some food or a bed for the night they had to walk up the street until they reached “The Copper Kettle”.
A ‘Billet’ was a bent piece of wood or crooked branch that would have been snapped off a tree and nailed above the entrance for all to see. “Just go down the road until you see the crooked billet”. In latter and more modern times, rather than break parts off a tree you might have seen a couple of planks outside instead. Anyway as I arrived on Monday Brad Robinson and Rob Walsh were already at the door waiting.
Match Report – Away versus The Crooked Billet v Rackspack
JY was absent this week and with only four pound in the boat the Coach Southam's random selection draw was greeted with a “ah whatever” as the numbers were read out. Neil was late anyway so he moved into slot 7 and John Shiel led off. A scrappy frame with Wayne Shepherd saw John put us 1-0 up. It was 2-0 when, under the most severe and intense pressure of playing Coach Southam, Tony Baxter ordered from the Budget Buffet and left a straight forward black in the jaws for the Coach to polish off.
The Billet got back into the match when St John knocked in a great long red from just under the cushion and followed up with a nice black to defeat Rob Walsh (2-1), but their hope was short-lived. Brad, Pat Phelan and The Wonder extended the lead by the time the bhajis were served. Of particular note in the Wonder's frame was his escape to pot his last red, being light years ahead in skill compared to his always feared and always unnecessary ‘pointless drag shot’ that he keeps pulling out just to remind us how badly he can play it. With a red over the bottom bag it was harder to miss than pot but with the pointless drag in his locker anything is possible. In the end the miss made no difference as we hit the break 5-1 up.
The chronic drag shot could have been the reason behind The Wonder being on the drop-tip for the second half. Meanwhile the Showboat had crept up to a not untidy tenner and no one had really looked in the running.
That was until Neil “The magic” popped up and was going great until he split the black and failed to get onto his last yellow. A desperate attempt at the double narrowly missed and the showboat lived on. Unperturbed “Magic” potted a great yellow from a total snooker to beat D Shepherd.
Coach Southam exacted Rackspack Revenge on St John after a frame that was, quite frankly, an offence to all who watched it as Coach proceeded to try and gather all six of his balls around two corner pockets without potting them (7-1). Rob made up for defeat in the first six to put us 8-1 ahead.
Hokey Cokey scarified winning against Tony Baxter by trying to win Pointless Flair shot of the week. The attempt to treble the black in round the angles was poor. The second attempt when he left the black back in the same place it started was even worse. Somewhere in the middle of this incompetent sandwich Tony got a chance and took it with a fine double on the black (8-2).
The biggest cheer went up as Brad broke dry when all we feared was that he might take the boat again. The mood was further lightened as the Bear managed to pot the black when still with a ball left. That brings the total of frames lost by us fouling on the black to three.
So as the evening drew to a close and we all contemplated a possible Showboat roll-over for next week at North Maidenhead, the Berkshire county hero of Sunday sneaked in on the blind-side. After his opponent broke and went in off it was ball in hand, and the final question of the night was could Pat take down the £16 or was it going to be a roll-over...
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/a/u/1/zqqqu59I0vQ
Shots of the week:
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/a/u/0/WGOoA9Y7eHU
K&K
Friday, August 06, 2010
Match Report - Week 3 - Away versus The Anchor
The Anchor v Rackspack in “ANCHORS AWEIGH!”
Last week we received a veritable avalanche of mail praising our outstanding TV debut, so this week we decided to take show on the road. And so it was that with a cue in one hand and camera in the other we pitched up at The Anchor on Monday night.
Neil couldn’t make it due to some good news that he had and was celebrating, which was a coincidence as we were celebrating with Neil not making it! Not that we had anything against Neil but we already had seven players and with six frames to play in the first half. Needless to say seven into six didn’t go, let alone eight!
The showboat has been brewing for two weeks, and with John and Brad returning to put extra contributions in the pot for missing matches it was closing fast on £30. Remember, you have to break and dish, or dish on your first visit if your opponent breaks.
All’s fair in love and war and Coach Southams selection policies, and we all took a number and JY picked out the lucky six players. Nett result – The Coach hit the pine for the first half.
The Anchor was a lot brighter than last time I was in their. Did you know that the anchor itself dates back over 3000 years? It used to be a heavy stone that sailors would tie to a strong rope and throw into the sea to keep them stationary in heavy weather. Over the years the stone has been replaced by metal and the designs have evolved and changed according to a ships needs. But it basically boils down to this - as long as you have some heavy, lumbering, hard-to-shift objects to weigh you down you wont be going anywhere. On a related note, back to the match where Bradley Robinson and John Shiel were returned to the starting line up.
However before those anchors weighed in, Rob Walsh got first crack at the pot but an early miss brought cheers from the Rackspack faithful as we edged closer to the £30 mark. Amazingly Rob doubled the black to win the frame which meant in his last three matches he has won all three and doubled the black in each of them. It’s this kind of pointless flair we like to see at Rackspack. 1-0
JY got the better of Albie Blackman to put us 2-0 up, and when Brad lined up a double on the black it looked 3-0 all the way. But while the black flew in one pocket, the white headed off towards another and we had lost our fourth frame of the season. Interestingly out of the four frames we’ve lost this season, two were claimed when the Wonder didn’t show up and the other two were JY and Brad fouling on the black. So we had potted the black in all our frames so far! Pat put another on the board for 3-1 and it was 26 played frames this season and 26 blacks sunk by us!
Just as we were all marvelling at this staggering fact, thinking whether or not there was some sort of record, and considering putting in a call to Guiness – hold the phone – up steps the Wonder who not only made a total hash of his Showboat attempt, but his cue arm was writing cheques that his pool ability couldn’t cash and he careered the white in-off trying what can only be described at best as a “speculative effort” and at worst “total budge”. Michael Collins claimed the title of first player to pot a black against us when he mopped up with the two shots. 3-2
John “Hokey Cokey” Shiel was back in the warm bosom of the pack, and straight in at number six. Suffering from a touch of Ghandi’s revenge from the previous nights ill-fated curry he wasn’t in the mood for standing around too long. After a crashing break and potting two reds, the first real Showboat attempt of the night was on. Could John land the booty…
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/0/fLq0mY8q7K8
Coach Southam was first up in the back half and when we drew lots for other five spots and running order John Shiel was the one to miss out. It was a cruel twist of fate for a man on the run most of the evening.
Coach won comfortably enough (5-2) and when Michael Collins broke against Brad, scattering balls in all directions, it was all hands on deck as Collins did the worst thing imaginable and started clearing up the reds and leaving the yellows marooned on “Clear up Island”…
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/1/SYhqn0uMZeM
The Wonder lined up against Giles Towning and after a dry break Giles missed, and in stepped The Wonder to clear up in less than 50 seconds including two doubles and the pointless flair shot of the week on the black.
John Young, Pat and Rob polished off the last few frames but the air had been sucked out of the venue by the most hated man in pool yet again. Even he had to admit that he was starting to see why the we called him that! A final score of 10-2 and we couldn’t even muster a cheer – that’s right, it was another case of PSD (post-showboat depression) affecting the whole team
Next week we’re away to the Crooked Billet. Let’s leave you with some shots of the week and a “wonder” clearance. See you at the tables.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/3/i5zdHEYKbEg
Happy cueing.
Last week we received a veritable avalanche of mail praising our outstanding TV debut, so this week we decided to take show on the road. And so it was that with a cue in one hand and camera in the other we pitched up at The Anchor on Monday night.
Neil couldn’t make it due to some good news that he had and was celebrating, which was a coincidence as we were celebrating with Neil not making it! Not that we had anything against Neil but we already had seven players and with six frames to play in the first half. Needless to say seven into six didn’t go, let alone eight!
The showboat has been brewing for two weeks, and with John and Brad returning to put extra contributions in the pot for missing matches it was closing fast on £30. Remember, you have to break and dish, or dish on your first visit if your opponent breaks.
All’s fair in love and war and Coach Southams selection policies, and we all took a number and JY picked out the lucky six players. Nett result – The Coach hit the pine for the first half.
The Anchor was a lot brighter than last time I was in their. Did you know that the anchor itself dates back over 3000 years? It used to be a heavy stone that sailors would tie to a strong rope and throw into the sea to keep them stationary in heavy weather. Over the years the stone has been replaced by metal and the designs have evolved and changed according to a ships needs. But it basically boils down to this - as long as you have some heavy, lumbering, hard-to-shift objects to weigh you down you wont be going anywhere. On a related note, back to the match where Bradley Robinson and John Shiel were returned to the starting line up.
However before those anchors weighed in, Rob Walsh got first crack at the pot but an early miss brought cheers from the Rackspack faithful as we edged closer to the £30 mark. Amazingly Rob doubled the black to win the frame which meant in his last three matches he has won all three and doubled the black in each of them. It’s this kind of pointless flair we like to see at Rackspack. 1-0
JY got the better of Albie Blackman to put us 2-0 up, and when Brad lined up a double on the black it looked 3-0 all the way. But while the black flew in one pocket, the white headed off towards another and we had lost our fourth frame of the season. Interestingly out of the four frames we’ve lost this season, two were claimed when the Wonder didn’t show up and the other two were JY and Brad fouling on the black. So we had potted the black in all our frames so far! Pat put another on the board for 3-1 and it was 26 played frames this season and 26 blacks sunk by us!
Just as we were all marvelling at this staggering fact, thinking whether or not there was some sort of record, and considering putting in a call to Guiness – hold the phone – up steps the Wonder who not only made a total hash of his Showboat attempt, but his cue arm was writing cheques that his pool ability couldn’t cash and he careered the white in-off trying what can only be described at best as a “speculative effort” and at worst “total budge”. Michael Collins claimed the title of first player to pot a black against us when he mopped up with the two shots. 3-2
John “Hokey Cokey” Shiel was back in the warm bosom of the pack, and straight in at number six. Suffering from a touch of Ghandi’s revenge from the previous nights ill-fated curry he wasn’t in the mood for standing around too long. After a crashing break and potting two reds, the first real Showboat attempt of the night was on. Could John land the booty…
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/0/fLq0mY8q7K8
Coach Southam was first up in the back half and when we drew lots for other five spots and running order John Shiel was the one to miss out. It was a cruel twist of fate for a man on the run most of the evening.
Coach won comfortably enough (5-2) and when Michael Collins broke against Brad, scattering balls in all directions, it was all hands on deck as Collins did the worst thing imaginable and started clearing up the reds and leaving the yellows marooned on “Clear up Island”…
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/1/SYhqn0uMZeM
The Wonder lined up against Giles Towning and after a dry break Giles missed, and in stepped The Wonder to clear up in less than 50 seconds including two doubles and the pointless flair shot of the week on the black.
John Young, Pat and Rob polished off the last few frames but the air had been sucked out of the venue by the most hated man in pool yet again. Even he had to admit that he was starting to see why the we called him that! A final score of 10-2 and we couldn’t even muster a cheer – that’s right, it was another case of PSD (post-showboat depression) affecting the whole team
Next week we’re away to the Crooked Billet. Let’s leave you with some shots of the week and a “wonder” clearance. See you at the tables.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rackspack#p/u/3/i5zdHEYKbEg
Happy cueing.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Match Report - Week 2 - Home versus Golden Cross 'A'
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WARNING
In the following report you may come across the expression “work commitments”. We at RacksPack towers do not condone this type of language, and would not seek to encourage its use, however in the context of a pathetic excuse for not turning up to a pool match, we believe its use it entirely justified.
We apologise for any offence caused, thank you.
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I don’t know, you miss the opening match due to work commitments and what happens? The blog goes to heck in a hand basket in the first week. Our glorious re-entry to this balmy summer’s sporting calendar was temporarily stalled as our Commander in Chief summed up our first weeks match with the expression “well nothing happened worth writing about”.
Nothing happened! Nothing happened!! I miss the match, and we give up two frames yet still manage to run out 10-2 winners and nothing happened?
Call it laziness, call it shoddy journalism, call it Mr Vain, call it Mr wrong, call it insane, I know what I want and I want it now,…wait a minute, who sung that?
Anyway after another week of “where’s the report”, “who’s doing the report” and “why aren’t you doing the report now” we decided that we owed it to our many fans around the globe to bring out something special this week.
Ladies and Gents, hold onto your chalk…
IT’S RACKSPACK TV !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget Pay-Per-View, 3D, HD and even VD, if you want to catch something really interesting then the only ticket this summer is the one that get you into RacksPack TV. Yes, that’s right – thank to the power of the interweb, a cheap web cam and a laptop your weekly dose of RacksPack flair will be coming to a living room (or in Andy and Rays case, a bedroom) near you. From now on (or until Kev and I get bored or fed up of wasting time on it), we will be recording the best and worst moments from the Monday night Pack-fest for your viewing pleasure and, assuming that we are not still under threat of libel action from the old Hitler video from last summer, we should be able to post up the fruits of our labours on You Tube.
Let’s not forget that we are going to be playing at North Maidenhead Cricket Club this season. Personally I’ve never been a fan of cricket. I can’t think of many things more tedious and boring than being sat down for hours on end watching a bunch of uncoordinated 30-somethings wildly swinging a piece of wood around trying to hit a few balls in between drinks.
Ahem.
Anyway onto this weeks match…
Week Two match report – home versus Golden Crooked Cross Billet “B”
(Filmed in glorious Rackspack-o-vision!)
Our first home match of the season, a roll-over in the Showboat (no one had taken it out in the opening match), a web-cam, a laptop, the best table in the league and no Brad in sight – yep, things were looking good as I made the half a mile trip from the entrance to North Maidenhead Cricket Club to the front door of North Maidenhead Cricket Club.
Kev had made the draw to see who would have first crack at the £12 Showboat jackpot, and organised the football card which was paid up by the teams and won by Dave the landlord! With John Shiel and Brad on holiday it was Kev, Keith, Neil, Rob, Pat and JY thrust into the thick of the action.
First into the action was Rob Walsh who went from looking in trouble to showing just why we have brought in this flair maestro with an outstanding double on the black all now captured by our web cam 1-0
Regrettably I’d forgotten to bring the battery pack for the laptop, so after capturing the glorious opening frame the laptop was on borrowed time. Pat was up second, and in all honesty this was the last bit of news it needed. In fairness to the laptop by the time his frame finished we were all drained ourselves as “The Fudge” ground out the win.
At one point the lights kept dimming on and off as the laptop desperately tried to suck up as much electricity as it could to stay alive through the frame. Finally we hummed “Abide with me” and it died on the coffee table. 2-0
The seasonal debut of The Wonder Walls ended in victory before speeding off to get the charger, with Coach Southam pointing out that “apart from giving up two frames in week one due to the lack of Walls” we hadn’t lost a frame! 3-0
Wins for Coach Southam and Neil quickly followed, and our 100% record was intact at 5-0.
Step forward John Young who powered home the black a few balls too early and wiped that out in no time. 5-1 at the break, and cue the best clearance of the night as Neil took out the five sausages on his plate in double-quick time.
With the match all but in the bag attention now turned to the £18 Showboat, and trying to look good on RacksPack TV. JY had a half chance to bag the contents of Justina, the Showboat piggy bank, but managed to claim Pointless Flair Shot of the Week with a textbook double on the black. It was clearly no consolation though as he ambled over to the table, head down, shoulders sagging, a tear in his eye. We were witnessing the onset of an unfortunate and terrifying new medical condition…PSD – Post Showboat Depression. The symptoms are easy to spot. First you blow your chance at the pot and know that you don’t have any more tries until next week. Second, you sit for 5 minutes watching the next frame willing the opposing player on to stop the next person from getting it. Finally you take your cue and clear off home because you cant be bothered to watch any more pool now that your showboat hopes are dashed for another week. PSD – its sweeping through our team like wildfire. JY was out the door in a shot having potted two blacks and only one win. 6-1
Our interest was rekindled when “Magic” Cameron stepped up with what looked like a real “hope of the boat”. We had debated whether breaking is really the best way to win it as you only get one visit to grab the cash. Is it better to have your opponent break, take a few out and leave you with a clearer table? This was certainly the case as Tony Baxter broke, potted a few and then left Neil with the big chance that he craved…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yimosvV0AOM
We won the last few frames and Rob managed to double yet another black for two wins on the night and two doubles to go with it. If I was smart enough I would think of a clever phrase for doing just that but its 3.15 in the morning so I can’t.
So the match was wrapped up at 11-1 and the only frames we have lost in two weeks are two forfeits and JY's unfortunate black. I’m telling you this is our year!!!
Next Monday we are away to the Anchor, and it could be a tricky week for the Showboat on that table but no doubt Brad will be there by 4.30 in the afternoon sneaking in as much practise as possible. The Most Hated Man in Pool makes his seasonal debut (along with John “Hokey Cokey” Shiel) and everything’s primed for one his horrible moments. The Anchor’s only round the corner from the Honeypot so expect John Shiel to be there by Sunday night.
We’ll leave you in the capable hands of RacksPack TV as we present our shots of the week..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySk9wILoVHM
WARNING
In the following report you may come across the expression “work commitments”. We at RacksPack towers do not condone this type of language, and would not seek to encourage its use, however in the context of a pathetic excuse for not turning up to a pool match, we believe its use it entirely justified.
We apologise for any offence caused, thank you.
*************************
I don’t know, you miss the opening match due to work commitments and what happens? The blog goes to heck in a hand basket in the first week. Our glorious re-entry to this balmy summer’s sporting calendar was temporarily stalled as our Commander in Chief summed up our first weeks match with the expression “well nothing happened worth writing about”.
Nothing happened! Nothing happened!! I miss the match, and we give up two frames yet still manage to run out 10-2 winners and nothing happened?
Call it laziness, call it shoddy journalism, call it Mr Vain, call it Mr wrong, call it insane, I know what I want and I want it now,…wait a minute, who sung that?
Anyway after another week of “where’s the report”, “who’s doing the report” and “why aren’t you doing the report now” we decided that we owed it to our many fans around the globe to bring out something special this week.
Ladies and Gents, hold onto your chalk…
IT’S RACKSPACK TV !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget Pay-Per-View, 3D, HD and even VD, if you want to catch something really interesting then the only ticket this summer is the one that get you into RacksPack TV. Yes, that’s right – thank to the power of the interweb, a cheap web cam and a laptop your weekly dose of RacksPack flair will be coming to a living room (or in Andy and Rays case, a bedroom) near you. From now on (or until Kev and I get bored or fed up of wasting time on it), we will be recording the best and worst moments from the Monday night Pack-fest for your viewing pleasure and, assuming that we are not still under threat of libel action from the old Hitler video from last summer, we should be able to post up the fruits of our labours on You Tube.
Let’s not forget that we are going to be playing at North Maidenhead Cricket Club this season. Personally I’ve never been a fan of cricket. I can’t think of many things more tedious and boring than being sat down for hours on end watching a bunch of uncoordinated 30-somethings wildly swinging a piece of wood around trying to hit a few balls in between drinks.
Ahem.
Anyway onto this weeks match…
Week Two match report – home versus Golden Crooked Cross Billet “B”
(Filmed in glorious Rackspack-o-vision!)
Our first home match of the season, a roll-over in the Showboat (no one had taken it out in the opening match), a web-cam, a laptop, the best table in the league and no Brad in sight – yep, things were looking good as I made the half a mile trip from the entrance to North Maidenhead Cricket Club to the front door of North Maidenhead Cricket Club.
Kev had made the draw to see who would have first crack at the £12 Showboat jackpot, and organised the football card which was paid up by the teams and won by Dave the landlord! With John Shiel and Brad on holiday it was Kev, Keith, Neil, Rob, Pat and JY thrust into the thick of the action.
First into the action was Rob Walsh who went from looking in trouble to showing just why we have brought in this flair maestro with an outstanding double on the black all now captured by our web cam 1-0
Regrettably I’d forgotten to bring the battery pack for the laptop, so after capturing the glorious opening frame the laptop was on borrowed time. Pat was up second, and in all honesty this was the last bit of news it needed. In fairness to the laptop by the time his frame finished we were all drained ourselves as “The Fudge” ground out the win.
 |
| Some fudge yesterday |
The seasonal debut of The Wonder Walls ended in victory before speeding off to get the charger, with Coach Southam pointing out that “apart from giving up two frames in week one due to the lack of Walls” we hadn’t lost a frame! 3-0
Wins for Coach Southam and Neil quickly followed, and our 100% record was intact at 5-0.
Step forward John Young who powered home the black a few balls too early and wiped that out in no time. 5-1 at the break, and cue the best clearance of the night as Neil took out the five sausages on his plate in double-quick time.
With the match all but in the bag attention now turned to the £18 Showboat, and trying to look good on RacksPack TV. JY had a half chance to bag the contents of Justina, the Showboat piggy bank, but managed to claim Pointless Flair Shot of the Week with a textbook double on the black. It was clearly no consolation though as he ambled over to the table, head down, shoulders sagging, a tear in his eye. We were witnessing the onset of an unfortunate and terrifying new medical condition…PSD – Post Showboat Depression. The symptoms are easy to spot. First you blow your chance at the pot and know that you don’t have any more tries until next week. Second, you sit for 5 minutes watching the next frame willing the opposing player on to stop the next person from getting it. Finally you take your cue and clear off home because you cant be bothered to watch any more pool now that your showboat hopes are dashed for another week. PSD – its sweeping through our team like wildfire. JY was out the door in a shot having potted two blacks and only one win. 6-1
Our interest was rekindled when “Magic” Cameron stepped up with what looked like a real “hope of the boat”. We had debated whether breaking is really the best way to win it as you only get one visit to grab the cash. Is it better to have your opponent break, take a few out and leave you with a clearer table? This was certainly the case as Tony Baxter broke, potted a few and then left Neil with the big chance that he craved…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yimosvV0AOM
We won the last few frames and Rob managed to double yet another black for two wins on the night and two doubles to go with it. If I was smart enough I would think of a clever phrase for doing just that but its 3.15 in the morning so I can’t.
So the match was wrapped up at 11-1 and the only frames we have lost in two weeks are two forfeits and JY's unfortunate black. I’m telling you this is our year!!!
Next Monday we are away to the Anchor, and it could be a tricky week for the Showboat on that table but no doubt Brad will be there by 4.30 in the afternoon sneaking in as much practise as possible. The Most Hated Man in Pool makes his seasonal debut (along with John “Hokey Cokey” Shiel) and everything’s primed for one his horrible moments. The Anchor’s only round the corner from the Honeypot so expect John Shiel to be there by Sunday night.
We’ll leave you in the capable hands of RacksPack TV as we present our shots of the week..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySk9wILoVHM
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Season Preview - Episode Five - The Empire Strikes Pack
When Reality Bites !!
I was at a family wedding in Northern Ireland recently. As Mrs Wonder and I sauntered into the reception to begin a 10 hour session of singing and binge drinking I caught up with a few relatives and friends that I hadn’t seen for a while. At the back of the bar was a pool table and after I was caught glancing at it my cousin piped up with “are you still playing”.
“Yep, when I can.”
“Do you still have that summer team with the dopey blog?”
“Yes and it’s still going strong!”
“Cool, do you remember I was over when you were writing the first one, I think I was about 5 months pregnant?”
“Yeah, how is the kid by the way?”
“Doing great, just finished the first year at school.”
“SCHOOL??”
And then it hit me like hammer – WE’VE BEEN DOING THIS GUFF FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE STILL HAVENT WON IT!!!!!!
RACKSPACK V – The Empire Strikes Pack
This time it’s personal, and we’re starting to need Roman numerals to count it up!
Brief recap - yet another glorious failure last year saw us plummet new depths with a 7-6 loss in the semi final to the eventual winners Heinz 57. What followed was our first youtube entry with the Hitler parody, followed by me receiving an email threatening a lawsuit over the video and some other copyright infringements and the banning of the said video. At the end of four months of Showboats, piss taking and slating our own players (plus most of the opposition) we had zip, nada, zilch. We had even lost our home as The Bear closed down not long afterwards. Trophy-less and homeless, the men of Rackspack were entering some dark times as Winter drew in.
It was a time for men to be men, and women to be men (more on that later) so we regrouped (again), did a bit of counselling (mostly in Smokey’s) and vowed that, by God we will win this damn tin pot league even if it takes us the rest of our lives to do it!
With the Bear closed down we needed a new home. The tender process had began in late January with many of Maidenhead‘s finest establishments fighting for the right to have the Rackspack call their venue “home”. After much deliberation North Maidenhead Cricket Club (NMCC) won the juicy contract and we recently signed on the dotted line. The clincher was the fact that they have the best pool table in the league and, as you all know, we have the best players in the league, so it’s surely a marriage made in heaven. The Showboat challenge is back and we expect the records to tumble this season on a table where even the Wonder Walls would be hard-pressed to come up dry on the break.
Last week was the Rackspack AGM. Messrs Walls & Southam were locked in talks for five gruelling hours in front of the Rackspack shareholders and board, but at the end of it had managed to come up with a foolproof plan on how we are going to win this thing.
The strategy of previous years has varied from the incompetent to the non-existent. First up we played in Racks, feeling that the practise tables would put us in better shape than most teams – we failed. Next we hand-picked eight players that were the best in the league – plus John Shiel – but we failed again. Season three saw us going into the season with the bare minimum of six and scrape help when we needed it. This meant that the six were guaranteed to play two frames in the knockout stages and wouldn’t have the incredible burden on their backs of playing for their place – we failed.
So what is our strategy this time around? It’s controversial, but I think you’ll like it. Basically we’ve signed up anyone we can find who can hold a cue because at least that stops them playing elsewhere.
So into the maelstrom of Rackspack pool talent comes Rob “White” Walsh and Pat “The Fudger” Phelan. These two players are the finest of additions, both having honed and toned their cue actions over years of hard graft over the green baize. Add these two to the existing Rackspack roster of Keith “The Wonder” Walls, Kevin “Slugger” Southam, Brad “The Bear” Robinson, John “Houdini” Young, Neil “Magic” Cameron and Maltese John Shiel, and for the first time in five years we have squad capable of winning this damn thing. By the beard of Zeus, how can we possibly blow it this summer?
Common Sense
Hats off to the Maidenhead League committee who continue, in my estimation, to exercise a common sense not often seen in a pool organisation. Having delayed the summer league because of the World Cup they have shortened it to six groups of four. This leaves us with only 6 matches to try and qualify, with the six group winners plus best two runners up making the quarter final line up. I like this very much, It’s a sprint and you can’t afford to mess up and I think it will give ‘lesser’ teams a real chance of an upset.
Mailbox
As Kev and I opened the doors to Rackspack towers this week there was 8 months of mail on the doormat. It was all firebombs, lawsuits, Anthrax envelopes and copies of readers digest, but in amongst the manure a few flowers had grown.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
So here we are again, five years on and we’re still waiting. As a Rackspack fan I want to see you win the title! Every year my hopes are raised and every year they are dashed. You guys are like my brothers 1978 Ford Capri. The group stages are like the test drive – it ran smoothly with just a few blips here and there but it looked so good. The guy selling it mentioned that there could be a problem but my bro didn’t care – this Capri seemed to be perfection and it looked beautiful. But every season the knockout stages are like when the deal is done and we drove it home. We would end up broke down on the hard shoulder with a wheel rolling off into the distance across the motorway into oncoming traffic and making us both realise one horrible thing – we’ve been suckered. Suckered by lots of blinky flashing lights and sex appeal that blinded us from the whopping problems that really were there all the time.
What can you say to assure me and the thousands like me that this isn’t going to happen this year?
Dai Hard, Rackspack Fan Club, Welsh Division.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
Have you noticed that in four years of pool you have only ever played in two venues and both of them closed down? Racks – liquidated, The Bear – sold. Are North Maidenhead Cricket Club aware of this ?
Anon.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
I read back over your old blog entries and found the one about the Tranny bar. I was on a stag-do last week and we ended up in the exact same bar! After telling the rest of the stag posse that “The Racks boys have been here” me and my mate Ray drunkenly stumbled in for a laugh. For future reference if any of your legion of fans end up there too, can you advise them not to say any of the following :
“Bottoms Up”
“Toss you for the next round”
“Excuse me , can I push your stool in”
Is dat u no.
Andy Brant.
-----------------------------------------------------------
So it’s the first league game this week, and we’re away to the Rose – we are ready but are they?
I was at a family wedding in Northern Ireland recently. As Mrs Wonder and I sauntered into the reception to begin a 10 hour session of singing and binge drinking I caught up with a few relatives and friends that I hadn’t seen for a while. At the back of the bar was a pool table and after I was caught glancing at it my cousin piped up with “are you still playing”.
“Yep, when I can.”
“Do you still have that summer team with the dopey blog?”
“Yes and it’s still going strong!”
“Cool, do you remember I was over when you were writing the first one, I think I was about 5 months pregnant?”
“Yeah, how is the kid by the way?”
“Doing great, just finished the first year at school.”
“SCHOOL??”
And then it hit me like hammer – WE’VE BEEN DOING THIS GUFF FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE STILL HAVENT WON IT!!!!!!
RACKSPACK V – The Empire Strikes Pack
This time it’s personal, and we’re starting to need Roman numerals to count it up!
Brief recap - yet another glorious failure last year saw us plummet new depths with a 7-6 loss in the semi final to the eventual winners Heinz 57. What followed was our first youtube entry with the Hitler parody, followed by me receiving an email threatening a lawsuit over the video and some other copyright infringements and the banning of the said video. At the end of four months of Showboats, piss taking and slating our own players (plus most of the opposition) we had zip, nada, zilch. We had even lost our home as The Bear closed down not long afterwards. Trophy-less and homeless, the men of Rackspack were entering some dark times as Winter drew in.
It was a time for men to be men, and women to be men (more on that later) so we regrouped (again), did a bit of counselling (mostly in Smokey’s) and vowed that, by God we will win this damn tin pot league even if it takes us the rest of our lives to do it!
With the Bear closed down we needed a new home. The tender process had began in late January with many of Maidenhead‘s finest establishments fighting for the right to have the Rackspack call their venue “home”. After much deliberation North Maidenhead Cricket Club (NMCC) won the juicy contract and we recently signed on the dotted line. The clincher was the fact that they have the best pool table in the league and, as you all know, we have the best players in the league, so it’s surely a marriage made in heaven. The Showboat challenge is back and we expect the records to tumble this season on a table where even the Wonder Walls would be hard-pressed to come up dry on the break.
Last week was the Rackspack AGM. Messrs Walls & Southam were locked in talks for five gruelling hours in front of the Rackspack shareholders and board, but at the end of it had managed to come up with a foolproof plan on how we are going to win this thing.
The strategy of previous years has varied from the incompetent to the non-existent. First up we played in Racks, feeling that the practise tables would put us in better shape than most teams – we failed. Next we hand-picked eight players that were the best in the league – plus John Shiel – but we failed again. Season three saw us going into the season with the bare minimum of six and scrape help when we needed it. This meant that the six were guaranteed to play two frames in the knockout stages and wouldn’t have the incredible burden on their backs of playing for their place – we failed.
So what is our strategy this time around? It’s controversial, but I think you’ll like it. Basically we’ve signed up anyone we can find who can hold a cue because at least that stops them playing elsewhere.
So into the maelstrom of Rackspack pool talent comes Rob “White” Walsh and Pat “The Fudger” Phelan. These two players are the finest of additions, both having honed and toned their cue actions over years of hard graft over the green baize. Add these two to the existing Rackspack roster of Keith “The Wonder” Walls, Kevin “Slugger” Southam, Brad “The Bear” Robinson, John “Houdini” Young, Neil “Magic” Cameron and Maltese John Shiel, and for the first time in five years we have squad capable of winning this damn thing. By the beard of Zeus, how can we possibly blow it this summer?
Common Sense
Hats off to the Maidenhead League committee who continue, in my estimation, to exercise a common sense not often seen in a pool organisation. Having delayed the summer league because of the World Cup they have shortened it to six groups of four. This leaves us with only 6 matches to try and qualify, with the six group winners plus best two runners up making the quarter final line up. I like this very much, It’s a sprint and you can’t afford to mess up and I think it will give ‘lesser’ teams a real chance of an upset.
Mailbox
As Kev and I opened the doors to Rackspack towers this week there was 8 months of mail on the doormat. It was all firebombs, lawsuits, Anthrax envelopes and copies of readers digest, but in amongst the manure a few flowers had grown.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
So here we are again, five years on and we’re still waiting. As a Rackspack fan I want to see you win the title! Every year my hopes are raised and every year they are dashed. You guys are like my brothers 1978 Ford Capri. The group stages are like the test drive – it ran smoothly with just a few blips here and there but it looked so good. The guy selling it mentioned that there could be a problem but my bro didn’t care – this Capri seemed to be perfection and it looked beautiful. But every season the knockout stages are like when the deal is done and we drove it home. We would end up broke down on the hard shoulder with a wheel rolling off into the distance across the motorway into oncoming traffic and making us both realise one horrible thing – we’ve been suckered. Suckered by lots of blinky flashing lights and sex appeal that blinded us from the whopping problems that really were there all the time.
What can you say to assure me and the thousands like me that this isn’t going to happen this year?
Dai Hard, Rackspack Fan Club, Welsh Division.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
Have you noticed that in four years of pool you have only ever played in two venues and both of them closed down? Racks – liquidated, The Bear – sold. Are North Maidenhead Cricket Club aware of this ?
Anon.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rackspack…
I read back over your old blog entries and found the one about the Tranny bar. I was on a stag-do last week and we ended up in the exact same bar! After telling the rest of the stag posse that “The Racks boys have been here” me and my mate Ray drunkenly stumbled in for a laugh. For future reference if any of your legion of fans end up there too, can you advise them not to say any of the following :
“Bottoms Up”
“Toss you for the next round”
“Excuse me , can I push your stool in”
Is dat u no.
Andy Brant.
-----------------------------------------------------------
So it’s the first league game this week, and we’re away to the Rose – we are ready but are they?
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