Thursday, July 31, 2008

Week 2 - Results & Table

Week 2 Results
28 July 2008

Earls Angels 5 Farmers Rats 7
Thatched Cottage 8 Golden Cross 4
Rose 0 Likely Lads 12
Racks Pack [bye]

TABLE
Played (won) points

Likely Lads 2 (2) 6
Thatched Cottage 2 (2) 6
Racks Pack 1 (1) 3
Farmers Rats 1 (1) 3
Rose 1 (0) 0
Golden Cross/Earls Angels 2 (0) 0

The Rose failed to put out a team for their match against the Likely Lads, earning the lads a a 12-0 victory and allowing them to take advantage of the Racks Pack bye and open up an early advantage in the frames-for column.

Firstly with frames-for counting in the event of a tie I think it's a bit off to give a 12-0 victory, especially in such a tight division. I'm sure Captain Dingley wouldn't agree with me...neither would committee chairman Dingley! I don't know what the answer is, but perhaps some sort of pools panel type decision should take place. Anyone have any better ideas? Email them to Rackspack@hotmail.co.uk - the best suggestions will be forward on to the committee.

Secondly I don't know the background to the Rose not turning up to what should have been their first game of the season, but really it pretty bad form if you've entered a team and can't get it together for your own home games. Come on lads - must do better.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tournament Report - The 2008 Berkshire Open

Note from the Editor

Straight into the mailbox this week, and we've had a tremendous response to our player profile of Coach Shiel, our inbox being literally inundated with more than one email this week. Laura Averages and her sister Tabatha have been in touch, as has Coach Shiel himself.

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Dear Rackspack,

Guys, thanks so very much for the profile and pic of Coach Shiel. He really is a hunk of pool playing man. My sister says she'd like to **** his ***** **** and **** his ***** all night long! We're sorry we embarrassed you with our own picture last week, do you think you could show Coach Shiel a pic of my sister and tell him how she'd love to hear from him :-)

Which bronzed pool Adonis will you be featuring next I wonder?

Yours in pool,

Laura & Tabatha Averages, Age 19, Sweden
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Thank you girls, I'm sure Coach Shiel appreciates your feedback. The next profile will be of the man they call "105.4", he's magic all the way - it's Neil Cameron. Regarding your pic I'll let our censor review it and advise.

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Dear Rackspack,

Thank you for featuring my profile, but I'd like to point out a few factual errors. Firstly I have never been found in the HP dribbling in Roy Bannisters beer, neither do I have one super enlarged testicle. It was Bacardi & Coke, and I have two not one.

Coach John Shiel

PS you're both dropped.
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John, in the finest journalistic traditions, we at rackspack.blogspot.com never let the truth get in the way of good reportage, and we're only too happy to make corrections where necessary. Thanks for getting in touch Coach!

If you have any comments, complaints or congrats, please email rackspack@hotmail.co.uk, or add a comment at the bottom of each blog entry. Happy cueing bloggers!

Tournament Report

The 2008 Berkshire Open by Keith "Wonder" Walls

How do you take defeat in a big pool game? You know the sort of thing, it’s Monday night and you're 6-5 up, you are on last trying to win the game, knowing if you screw up it’s a draw and you’ve cost the team. Are you the sort of person who shrugs it off? Do you punch the nearest wall? Do you storm off in a huff? Do you stew over it for hours or even days thinking about what might have been…or do you not care?

Personally I fall into the ‘stewing it over’ category. I spend sometime going over some daft shot or other in my head, or think about how I should have played it a different way etc…although I have to add that it’s not something I do often, perhaps only after losing an important game. Most importantly I try to learn from my mistakes, sometimes even going so far to set up a match-losing situation on the table and discussing it with pool colleagues.

My favourite ‘reaction’ was when Kevin and I were playing for the Willow Wanderers a few years ago…Phil Reeves was playing for us and had just lost a frame. He shook the other guys hand, calmly picked up his cue, put the butt-end it into the corner pocket and then pulled down on the top end with all his force - splintering it into pieces. It was perfectly executed.

The question of how to take defeat stemmed from a conversation I had on Sunday at the Berkshire Open in Chiswick. More on this topic later.

The last time I entered this event was about 10 years ago when it was playing at the Bell. I got knocked out in the first round by some kid who’s dad was in it and had dragged him along. Having nothing better to do, Dad entered his son in the competition and he drew me. After eliminating me in double-quick time I ended up winning the plate competition for first round losers.

With the Racks Pack having a bye this week, a few of us decided to troop down to the sweatbox that is Chiswick snooker club and have a crack at this years Open. John ‘Coach’ Shiel, Neil ‘Magic 105.4’ Cameron and myself were joined by a motley crew of Maidenhead league players, all on a quest to prove themselves Berkshire’s indisputable number one. The club was terribly hot and sticky, and there were kicks and bad contacts all day. Not only that, but the number off players fouling by not hitting a cushion was ridiculous. You could hear the squeaks as players tried to push a varnished cue through their hot and sticky bridge hands.

With 57 players in the draw, Ankur Nangpal asked me who I thought was favourite to win it. I replied confidently that not only would Vid Sabharwal win, but that I was convinced I would draw him first round – and unfortunately I was right! At 2-2 I had had a dreadful roll off that I never recovered from, and once again I was bounced out of the main competition and into the plate. I recreate the roll off and moan to anyone who will listen about it before finally giving it up - ho hum…

Coach Shiel fared no better, losing 4-1 to Lucky Birdy, and he was off to the plate with the rest of the losers.

‘Magic’ was left to uphold Racks Packs honour in the main event. Having had a nice pipe-opener in the first round (winning 4-0) he came up against Chris ‘Farrah’ Fawcett in round two. As we all expected it was nip and tuck most of the way, and in the end it took a missed red into the middle from Farrah to separate them. Had he made it, the score was 3-3, as it was he missed it and Neil cleared to seal a 4-2 victory. They shook hands, Farrah stormed out in a rage and spent 30 minutes outside in a foul mood. It was a match either could have won, and the loser was always going to be gutted.

In round three Neil played Steve ‘Dog’ Walton’s conqueror Ray Prentice for a place in the quarters.

Steve had one of those days where from the first five minutes he was in the building everyone knew it wasn’t going to be his day. Playing the fruit machine he managed to get into the big money game on ‘Cops and Robbers’. Some random dude then chirped in his ear that ‘this thing is ready to pay out’. Steve won a grand total of £4.80 and slouched off muttering ‘this thing is ready to pay out’ in a mock girly voice and pointing at the dude. Needless to say, two minutes later the same dude pops a couple of quid in and drops fifty notes. Nice.

To compound his misery, Dog decides to get stuck in to the second fruit machine, but is dragged off to play his first round match. This time it’s the turn of some Indian fella to put two quid in straight afterwards and land £78 from the ‘Cash ‘n’ Curry’.

By the time Neil plays Ray Prentice (the apprentice dentist) in round three he has the unswerving support of both Chris Farrah (who had returned to normal by now) and Dog. Dog’s reaction to losing is to sit and support Neil whilst ripping the piss out of Ray behind his back and at every opportunity!

‘Magic’ lives up to his nickname and clinched a very good 4-2 win for a place in the quarter finals.

Meanwhile in other parts of the draw, Terry ‘Turncoat’ Dingley lost to Peter Lofts in a tight one. Peter then whitewashed Lucky Birdy and has a showdown with Robert ‘Ruzzler’ Uzzell. Ankur goes out to Maurice Sheehan who was just launching everything and had every ricochet and bounce go his way. When Ruzzler beat Peter (4-1) it’s him, Maurice and Neil in the quarters.

Videsh, as predicted, cut a swath through his quarter of the draw, with his only real opposition provided by Sefton Payne who blew a 3-1 lead to go out 4-3. Sefton had beaten Alan King who in turn had walloped Ed Rumsey 4-0. Ed dealt with his defeat by doing his goolies on the horses until Dean Hardesty gives him a winning 6-4 shot at Ascot.

So the quarters of the main competition look like this.

Del Sim v Videsh

‘Magic’ v Vikash

Ruzzler v Mo Sheehan

Bob Love v Granville Fowler

On a side note, it was great to see Bob and Barbara Hancock there. I played with Bob in Windsor and we worked out that it was at least 10 years since I saw him last. The fickle hand of fate would throw him together with two former team mates, firstly James Harness, who knocked him out in the first round of the main competition, and then me, following James’ lead I put him out of the plate as well – just like old times J Sweet. James eventually lost to Dogs’ fruit machine expert, and then walked straight into a row with a guy who was the spitting image of Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka character in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I never did find out what the argument was about, but the shouting match could be heard across the room. James had the last word (as he normally does), pausing for a moment and then putting his elbow through the wall. The hole that is left in the plasterboard is pretty much the same size as Willy’s head.

Back in the plate competition I finally put one over on my nemesis, one Leon ‘The Knife’ Stanley, who actually lets me beat him for a change as he is getting bored of constantly turning me over. Coach John is still going as well, and after beating Terry Dingley, Dog gets hammered by a bloke who looks like the Ghost of Christmas Past (Hughie Sutherland).

In the main event nothing can stop Videsh. He is going to win it, and I’m going to feel vindicated that I was beaten by the champion. Only a freak of nature or act of god can stop him. Unfortunately someone even more powerful than god appears during his win over Del – the wife and kids! Yes, the trouble-and-strife rolls up with the bin-lids and Vid is given his marching orders. He has to turn in his cue and suddenly the draw opens up – the winner of Magic and Vikash (Vids brother) will be straight through to the final! Thank god I didn’t run a book on the event because I don’t know how I would have paid out. Wallsbet.com doesn’t have a rule for ‘who’s wearing the pants in this house’.

Ruzzler loses a quarter final he should have won to Mo (4-3), but again everything seems to go Mo’s way. Bob Love beats Granville (4-1), but can’t stop the Sheehan Machine in the semi, Mo winning again (4-3) to make the final.

I make the final off the plate without dropping a single frame and have to wait for an epic quarter final match to be concluded between Coach Shiel and Frank Callaghan. It swung one way and then the other. 1-0, 1-1, 2-1 to John, then they stopped for a cigarette…came back and John led 1-0. Frank managed to win two in a row, they had another cigarette, came back and it was all square at 1-1 again. Confused? Not half as much as we were. These two gibbons had been playing around for about two hours on the freeplay table waiting for someone to tell them to start their game! Finally someone went over to find out what the hell was going on and managed to bring some order to proceedings. In the end, and after 10 frames of pool, Coach Shiel made it through 3-1!

In the semi Scott Matthews took a 2-0 lead over Coach Shiel before dialling out for ‘Rent-a-Flange’. They delivered in good time and he chucked away three frames in a row to crash out 3-2 and leave an all Racks Pack plate final.Yes it was the clash everyone had wanted to see – the new coach versus the ousted ex-coach!

I had been waiting for an opportunity like this since week one, after the new facist regime had unceremoniously dropped me after my immaculate 8-ball finish in his first match. Who was to know that the pool gods were going to grant me this chance so early on. The ‘Wonder’ wasn’t in the mood for niceties – two clearances and a scrappy middle frame gave me a 3-0 win and the plate title ten years after my first. The King is dead, long live the King!!

Back in the main competion, thee final thing to do was wrap up Magic’s quarter final. To cut it short he played well but Vikash won 4-2 but took out two great finishes that were the only difference between them. Neil was gutted, and even more so when he found out that it was for a place in the final after Videsh failed to extricate himself from under his wife’s thumb. Neil had to be pretty proud of his performance, his first time in a proper all day tournament against some of the county’s best, and earned a well deserved quarter final place. It was a long hot day and he did well to keep his concentration all day.

My opening question - how you take defeat –was kicked off by something Neil, Dog and I were talking about after Neil’s game with Farrah. Neil was saying how he couldn’t understand people getting so upset over a pool match after Farrah had stormed out, James had put an elbow through the wall, I moaned about my roll out etc…but within half an hour of their matches Farrah was back in the bar getting the beers in, James was up and about cracking jokes, making fun of some of the players and both of them were in high spirits.

They were there to the very end of the tournament laughing away and cheering on the rest of us and their defeats were long forgotten.

Neil’s reaction to his defeat was to slump into a chair clutching a bottle of Sol and repeat over and over ‘I could have won that’ for the next couple of hours. There was no little irony it it - someone who earlier on couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about took his defeat harder than any of the others despite doing better than any of us. Everyone deals with it differently. Personally, I thought it was a superb debut and he took out some excellent finishes under pressure at vital moments. It will stand him in good stead for future matches.

For the record Maurice Sheehan beat an out of sorts Vikash in the final 4-3. Considering the humidity and the length of the event, you had to take your hat off to Maurice for winning what was a very tough event in the conditions.

But performance of the day was Coach Shiel. At 9pm he called his wife Jeanette (Mrs Coach) and convinced her to drive all the way from Maidenhead to Chiswick to pick up him and others and took them all back to Maidenhead via Reading (to drop Neil off). That Videsh could learn a thing or two…


KW

Friday, July 25, 2008

Player Profile - John Shiel

For Laura and our army of female fans here's our first player profile, Coach Shiel.





















Name:

John “Coach” Shiel

Age:

47

Weight:

Too much

Job:

Picking the team, basically. Supermarket manager for 15 years.

Fav food:

Spaghetti Bolognese

Fav drink:

Anything wet

Fav woman:

Anything wet

Fav music:

80’s

He says:

I am modest, incredibly good in bed, and I am the quickest player on the circuit

They say:

“30 seconds…”

K&K say:

A pillar of the Thames Valley pool community, John’s vast experience and level head makes him the perfect candidate to lead The Racks Pack to victory this summer.

Where you might find him:

In the HP dribbling into Roy Banisters beer at 3am

Where you wont find him:

The Thatched Cottage pool team, now he’s our captain.

One more thing:

John has only one engorged testicle. After a freak radiation accident in his youth, John’s left testical was absorbed by his right leaving him with just one that swells to between three and four times average size, depending on the time of day.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Match report - Week 1

REMINDER

Before we get to this weeks report here’s a reminder of our email address. It’s rackspack@hotmail.co.uk - and yes, it is genuine - so if there’s anything you want to gripe about, a report you want to give or you just want a mention then please do get in touch. In addition if you’d like to be kept informed of any blog updates as soon as they happen, we can add you to the mailing list. Let us know!

POSTBAG

Having been away and not checked the mailbox for a couple of months, it took Kevin and I literally weeks to get through the mountain of abuse, ahem...correspondence that had built up in the Rackspack inbox over the summer. However one email in particular leapt off the screen, and it was from one of our many female fans:

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Dear Rackspack,

Is there any chance that you could put up some player profiles on your site, perhaps with a photo or two? My twin sister and I read your blog every week, and it would be nice to put a handsome face to the names.

Yours in Pool

Laura Averages, Age 19, Sweden
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Laura we think that’s an excellent idea, and whilst for reasons of decency we won’t be able to put up the picture you kindly sent of you helping your sister remove the ping-pong balls, we will try and bring a few photos to the site for you and the rest of our legion of ardent female admirers.

I’m not sure it qualifies as handsome, but keep an eye out in the next few days for our first player profile featuring Coach Shiel.

FORMER CAPTAIN’S REPORT

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” or “There’s a new broom and it’s sweeping clean!”

You know when you go shopping and buy yourself a present - you can’t wait to tear open the box and get stuck in! Well that’s how we at the Rackspack feel on the dawning of a new season.

You arrive at the doors, take a look up at the stairway in front of you and hear the distant sound of wood on crystallite (or in Bens case, crystallite on laminate floor then bouncing off table leg). You take a deep breath and absorb the electric atmosphere – the new season has finally arrived!

The first game of the new season is a tricky one - we open up with a home game against “Earls Angels”. Steve Cox has spent most of the last few weeks giving us grief about our side and generally moaning about how difficult the section is blah blah blah. Unsurprisingly by match night he is nowhere to be seen - shame on him.

Most of us are there practicing at seven pm, and by the time Kevin arrives just before eight, declaring that “this is the god-damn best looking team I have ever played for” we’re only waiting on Brad. As if to prove the old adage that “the more things change, the more they stay the same” a text message comes in from ‘the Bear’ saying he can’t make the it – he’s in Magalouf, and the women are ‘a bit easy’ – I can’t work out if he is boasting or complaining. Regardless he says he is available for next week. Great - if only we didn’t have a bye.

In a staggering break from tradition Coach Shiel decides to act the part, and gives a prematch pep-talk. He immediately sets the cat amongst the pigeons by switching ‘Magic 105.4’ Cameron from his comfortable 6th spot to openers instead.

So first match, first game and it’s a clash with Tyler Coombs who is younger than my jeans but in far better condition. Tyler is an excellent young player and will soon be beating us all silly when our eyesight fades and hair goes grey [for some of us this will be sooner rather than later Mr Walls – KS]

Despite the lay off it’s business as usual for Magic as he picks up where he left off in the winter: playing badly, blundering up the finish, then getting let off the hook when his opponent gives him two shots. Textbook stuff, but at least he didn’t miscue. 1-0

By the way, Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, is the man responsible for the thousand miles quote. Amongst other ideas, it supports the concept that we can all be one with nature, and if we are then rules and order are not necessary.

However even Mr Tzu and all his karma dribble can’t explain JY’s appalling frame against Claire Dormer. After a terrible attempt to win ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’ on the black, it looked like Claire had missed her chance when rattling her last yellow. JY had other ideas, but none of them included winning and he promptly went in off the black. 1-1.

From then on it’s Rackspack alllllllllll the way baby.

Vic Summers makes a winning debut with two excellent pots and defeats Josh ‘the pigeon’ Bladstock (2-1) and I put in the first 8 ball finish off the season (3-1). Vic and I are feeling pretty pleased with our performances! Coach Shiel was also impressed, so much so that he immediately drops us both from the second half!!! Unbelievable, the ex-captain is hitting the pine as he and Vic are benched.

Ben is up next and puts in the first of his two wins on the night by beating Ross, despite having to play the ‘impossible dream” - trying to roll a ball along the bottom cushion. You can roll a ball along it and see it curl out two inches before it reaches the pocket - a fact that we all helpfully pointed out to Ben after the game (4-1).

Lee ‘The Grinder’ Greenwood manages a double as well, starting off with victory over ‘Phodge’ and ending with another W against ‘the pigeon’. Neil clinches ‘Pointless flair shot of the week’ with a double on the black against Tyler who falls to him for the second time in the match.

Ashley Dingley (son of ‘Turncoat Terry’) feels the full wrath of Coach Shiel in the first of the back half, and Kevin seals the win on the night by beating Claire (7-1).

By the last frame everyone has won except JY. Coach Shiel cleverly put JY on last, which means not only did he have to stay to the end for a change, but he is also under maximum pressure to not register a double doughnut (00) on the night. Luckily Tyler’s dad is sympathetic to JY’s problems and let’s him win one. It finishes 11-JY.

So an excellent start to the season. Our big rivals Thatched Cottage and The Likely Lads posted 9-3 and 10-2 wins respectively so we have a frame advantage – it could prove to be all-important by the business end of the season.
















K&K

Week 1 - Results & Table

Week 1 Results
21 July 2008

Racks Pack 11 Earls Angels 1
Farmers Rats 3 Thatched Cottage 9
Golden Cross 2 The Likely Lads 10
Rose [bye]

TABLE
Played (won) points

Racks Pack/The Likely Lads/Thatched Cottage 1 (1) 3
Farmers Rats/Golden Cross/Earls angels 1 (0) 0
Rose 0 (0) 0

A easy table to draw up, the three winning teams from Monday nights games are at the top, seperated by "Frames For", 11, 10 & 9 respectivly. A bye for us next week is great news - it means we get our bye out of the way early in the second half of the season too, which could be to our advantage if it gets tight.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Season preview

...EPISODE THREE - A NEW HOPE.

With the latest sports news from across the globe, this is the ASN American Sports Network Maidenhead pool league preview. This preview was brought to you by:


Chateau Rose Wine – the choice of the pool playing connoisseur, and

'Innuendo’ – the Italian suppository with a difference


“Hi, I’m Randy Ogre. I’m sure you all know my good friend and co-commentator Pat Butterscotch.

Folks, it’s time to lock the doggie in the barn and send the wife to the in-laws, because it’s back, it’s bigger than ever and everyone’s talking about it. Yes, it’s summer league pool in Maidenhead. It’s a new season, and a new look “Racks Pack” are using the same tried-and-tested excuses as they try to avoid crashing out on the sudden-death frame in the quarter finals for an unprecedented third season in a row.

Pat, let me start off by throwing you this curveball – Wimbledon, The Superbowl, Euro2008 Soccer-ball, the masters golf and the Olympic games: do any of these come close to the excitement and sheer drama of the Maidenhead summer pool league?”

“Ho ho ho, thank the lord you started me off with an easy one there chum! Randy, quite simply there is no bigger event in the whole god damn wide wide world of sports than the good old MPL. Why, you would have to be some sort of half-crazed lunatic even to suggest otherwise”

“Ha, ha, ha, I was only playing wit’ ya Pat, (slaps Pat on the knee).”

“Randy, this is no joking matter. We are standing on the high diving board above the community swimming baths of world class pool, and I for one cant wait to get my speedo’s on and plunge right in”

“Pat, I’m right there with you and holding the rubber ring. But this time make sure your trunks are not the ones where the ‘S’ has fallen off because I’m not going through that again”

“I hear you louuuud and clear there Randy”

“Pat, let’s cut to the chase – two years ago they got knocked out 7-6 on the deciding frame in the quarter final against the Forresters”

“Gutwrenching”

“Last year, quarter finals again and this time they lose 7-6 on the decider to the BAPL”

“Heartbreaker”

“I’m spotting a perverse pattern here, and I’m not just talking about that tie your third ex-wife bought you for Christmas. Are these guys just destined to fall apart like a Racks sandwich everytime they reach the knockout stages?”

“Pat, it would be dangerous to draw any conclusions at this stage. If we were the sort of sports network that throws around wild accusations without any substance then maybe we could say that Keith Walls should know the rules after five years. Or that JY took a winning position and exchanged it for kicking all his team mates in the Jacobs. Or that Robinson vanished yet again in their time of need to go to work rather than play the decider. But like I said, we aren’t in the business of pointing fingers.”

“So what have they done in the close season to stop this happening again? Everyday I pick up a newspaper and the back pages are full of speculation. Who’s in, who’s out, who cares? What about those stories of Robinson and Walls being spotted in a transsexual cabaret night club in Blackpool only three weeks before the start of the season. If I was a fan - and I am a fan Randy - I would be worried!”

“I feel you there Pat. With Trevor ‘Buenos’ Dias, Steve Carmichael and Del Sim also seen in the same club you wonder what sort of shenanigans were going on. For now, let’s focus on the team, and not on Robinson’s unnerving interest in the one of the lady-boy backing singers.”

“Good call. So who’s out this year? Last season these guys managed to play 16 different people in only 10 matches. You can’t run a franchise like that – it’s not good business! Every week they seemed to introduce someone new to the team who then disappeared without a trace. It was like the old Star Trek episodes when you knew that the new lieutenant handpicked for the mission was going to be wiped out before the show was over. ”

“Well, the core of the team remains the same, but the management’s changed – coach ‘wonder’ walls finally did the decent thing and stood down.”

“About time too Randy. Have you seen his record in the Slough Renegade league this season? Man, this guy was sinking like Venice, and stinking just a bad! I saw the averages table – and “average” was the right name for it - and this guy propped up more players than the Thatched Cottage bar during 2 for 1 rose wine night.”

“Pat, it’s back to ‘playing only’ for the failed ex-captain. There’s a new man in charge and it’s coach John Shiel. He’s promising to shake things up and get some competition for places for a change. The ‘Wonder’, JY, ‘Magic 105.4’ Cameron, ‘Slugger’ Southam and ‘Grinder’ Greenwood still remain from last years failed campaign. Add to that the new talents of Ben Kiely and Vic Summers and things are taking shape.”

“What about Brad ‘the Bear’ Robinson Randy, is he going to appear this season ?”

“Well he says he is but who knows?? This guy is about as reliable as a Dave Bryant result card - you never know if it’ll turn up and what it will be like if it does!”

“I’m going to have to interrupt you there Randy because we have just received breaking news about the draw for the section. ..Uh huh…. Yeah ...honestly ?…man alive! Oh its bad, it’s really bad!”

Racks Pack

Thatched Cottage B

The Likely Lads

Earls Angels

Golden X A

Farmers Rats

Rose A

“Randy this is a horror show! Who made the draw - Norman Bates?? This is carnage all the way from here ‘til Thanksgiving. Not only are the Thatched Cottage in the mix, but also Terry ‘the turncoat’ Dingley’s Likely Lads team! Oh boy it’s time to hide behind the sofas because I don’t think my mom is going to let me watch this season!”

“Pat, this should be pay per view because we have group of death that all punters and fans alike are going to be glued to this summer. You couldn’t hand pick a deadlier section. With the ‘derby’ factor of the Earls Angels and all the links they have to Racks, and the unpredictability of the Golden Cross and you have a script of Stephen King proportions. They will be queueing round the block for these matches”

“I hope the Farmers Rats and the Rose A have kitted themselves out with some tin hats because there is some heavy artillery heading their way. Coach Shiel has just got to love the opportunity of knocking out Dingley’s side after that double cross he pulled in setting up his own side on the quiet”

“You know it! Craig Shurley-Not, “Dancin” Danny Rajput, Steve “She wanted more” Carmichael and the Marlow Salsa King Nick Stapley are all coming to this party. Not to mention Ray and Andy the ‘Right Said Fred’ of local pool. It’s a bloodbath !”

“Randy, should we take a look at the rest of the divisions ?”

“What’s the point Pat? This is where the action is! Let’s face it, if you pull a stunner who’s already promised you a tug by 8 o’clock, then why bother wasting the rest of the night buying her more drinks?”

“Wise words Randy - we could all learn from you!”

“Damn straight Pat. This draw has sorted out the men from the boys. Now it’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff.”

“You’re right – the action starts on the 21st July with our heroes kicking off at home to the Earls Angels in front of a sell out crowd down at Racks.

You’ve been listening to ASN with my co-host Randy Ogre and me Pat Butterscotch. Remember, don’t be a stranger at the bar, goodnight.”