Cueists!
Enjoy the exploits of Rackspack as this week we hit the Maidenehad Pool league presentation night low and hard, and follow-it up with the briefest daliance with Maidenheads premier night spot Smokey Joe's! We paid the price for several days after!!
Match Report
by Keith Walls
There was a slightly subdued atmosphere on board the good ship RacksPack on Monday. It’s a well known fact once you hit 30 it takes two days to fully recover from a drinking bender, and following our attendence at the Pool League Presentation Saturday night, we were all suffering. As a result only JY and ‘Coach’ were seen with a beer in hand. Despite this - or perhaps because of - we put in our performance on the season so far.
We annihilated the Golden Cross 11-1 with some tremendous finishing, but with a better run of the balls GC could have had three or four frames.
The match started at 8:15 and was all over by 9:30 – 12 frames in that time showed just how sharp some of us were. But before we get to slating Neil’s performance (he was the only person to lose) a recap of Saturday is probably called for.
Frolics at the 2008 presentation night
Coach was first out at around 3pm and joined by Bradley bear and Magic. The bear cemented his reputation as the most hated man in pool by thrashing them at killer five times in a row. Even when the other two tried to gang up on him they still ended up handing over the cash. The highlight of the afternoon was Brads ‘prancing horse’ dance. After potting a miracle ball to win one, he galloped round the table like he was riding dressage at Burghley horse trials. At a steady fiver a man the Bear was £50 up for the day before I arrived at 6. Realising that there was now a serious challenger in the house he came over all ‘tired’ and decided not to play any more. Once Slugger turned up in his Biggles flight jacket it was ‘chocs away’ as we took up positions at the bar for the next couple of hours.
Treddy and Martin “Febreze” Smith appeared soon afterwards. It’s always good to see Treddy out and about and Martin was wearing the same free “Stella Artois” shirt that Vinny had got for us all to wear to the cup final two months ago. Naturally we assumed that he had it on because we were going to presentation. “Coming with us to the cricket club then Mart?”
“No”
“But aren’t you wearing the same shirt from the cup final?….oh forget it”
Still, at least he now has something smart enough to be married in. At the opposite end of the scale, Vinny was dressed like a miniature Sicilian assassin in a sharp suit and tie.
Having put a few away we grabbed a 7 seater to NMCC and I lost the ‘person in the front pays’ competition. The taxi driver had one of those loudspeaker megaphones in the car for some reason and must have regretted not hiding it once Slugger had got hold of it and started giving him directions at 127 decibels with the windows up.
The place was packed and the singles final was in full swing. Vikash rallied from 2-0 down to beat Ankur 6-3 and run out a comfortable winner. In a surreal moment the Vikash AKA The Indian Elvis was cueing up the final black when Elvis Presley’s “The Wonder of You” began on the jukebox. Perfect timing, unlike Ankur’s cue action. He played ok but I’ve seen him play better and I think he just made a couple of wrong decisions at key moments, but still a fine effort.
The Bear was continuing his winning streak. He bought a round that cost £16.25, gave the woman a twenty pound note and got back…£16.25 in change! However he still moaned like a girl about having to hand 5 pound to Coach who had correctly predicted that Ankur would win three frames.
We collected the summer league section winners from last year and Slugger made the amazing discovery that the trophies didn’t bounce when he dropped his and smashed it on the floor. After adding the Winter League premier winners and the cup winners Magic put them into a plastic bag and slung it over his shoulder. He then went hunting down John Molley of the Thatched to start lauding it up but it backfired when JM pulled out league top averages trophy that he had nicked off Magic by one frame.
*Digressing Alert*
I have to say that John is one of the few remaining landlords that really gives a damn about pool. The league is always going to be full of players happy just to turn up, get the fixtures and get on with it and that’s fine, but there aren’t many prepared to put some extra work in. I have no objections to people wanting to play each week and nothing else, but the league lives and dies by those prepared to step forward and help out. He puts time in to being on the committee and his pub supports two league tems, puts on good food and (the notorious pillar notwithstanding) has a good pool table. There’s not enough landlords like this who put the effort into keeping a good table. Years back you could name most landlords in the Thames Valley League and their pubs, nowadays it’s a rarity. I can count on one hand the places where you actually have a reasonably level table that’s in good nick. I’m not taking the high ground here and demanding perfect playing surfaces but whether you are playing in the premier or in the lower leagues nothing pisses you off more than watching a ball roll out by two inches and it costs you the frame. John deserved the averages recognition as much for the work he puts in as anything else.
*Digression Alert Over*
Back at presentation night, the “Anne Middleton Womens Benefit Trophy” AKA the Ladies Singles was won by…Anne Middleton. The lady is streets ahead at the moment in the local area.
Bracknell BAPL didn’t turn up to receive their trophies. Someone told me that Dave Bryant had been told the venue and the date but then wrote down somewhere else.
The Golden Cross boys called for a taxi home. A taxi arrived and the driver muttered something resembling ‘cross’ so they got in and started out for Twyford. It was only as they headed in the opposite direction towards Slough and questioned the driver that they found out it was actually a taxi for “Ross” instead.
With the festivities over we piled back into town after a quick stop off in Racks to drop off the trophies. Tony, the captain of Racks Maniacs was looking worse for wear. He had been telling us at presentation that now he was captain of a side he was going to make his mark in Racks this season and he certainly did that when he threw up down the side of the bar. Repeated warnings from the bar staff were not heeded. But being the complete gentlemen he went straight back to the pool table to carry on playing rather than clear it up and have his opponent wait for his shot.
Meanwhile the rest of us bit the bullet and moved off to Smokey’s. Slugger was so annoyed at not being there earlier he tripped over an advertising board outside the estate agents in his haste to get there. We arrived just after the nick of time and doubled the attendance to ten people! An hour later and it had rocketed to 15 people.
Eventually it picked up and it was time for some of the team to get down with their bad selves. With his height advantage Brad is an instant spot on the dance floor. In fact he is so tall that if you stand next to him I swear you can hear the ocean. Him and Slugger had unfortunately grabbed the attention of a six foot woman that looks like Chyna the female wrestler. She appears to be a bit psychotic and gives the impression she’s been cocked more times than John Wayne’s gun.
Enjoy the exploits of Rackspack as this week we hit the Maidenehad Pool league presentation night low and hard, and follow-it up with the briefest daliance with Maidenheads premier night spot Smokey Joe's! We paid the price for several days after!!
Match Report
by Keith Walls
There was a slightly subdued atmosphere on board the good ship RacksPack on Monday. It’s a well known fact once you hit 30 it takes two days to fully recover from a drinking bender, and following our attendence at the Pool League Presentation Saturday night, we were all suffering. As a result only JY and ‘Coach’ were seen with a beer in hand. Despite this - or perhaps because of - we put in our performance on the season so far.
We annihilated the Golden Cross 11-1 with some tremendous finishing, but with a better run of the balls GC could have had three or four frames.
The match started at 8:15 and was all over by 9:30 – 12 frames in that time showed just how sharp some of us were. But before we get to slating Neil’s performance (he was the only person to lose) a recap of Saturday is probably called for.
Frolics at the 2008 presentation night
Coach was first out at around 3pm and joined by Bradley bear and Magic. The bear cemented his reputation as the most hated man in pool by thrashing them at killer five times in a row. Even when the other two tried to gang up on him they still ended up handing over the cash. The highlight of the afternoon was Brads ‘prancing horse’ dance. After potting a miracle ball to win one, he galloped round the table like he was riding dressage at Burghley horse trials. At a steady fiver a man the Bear was £50 up for the day before I arrived at 6. Realising that there was now a serious challenger in the house he came over all ‘tired’ and decided not to play any more. Once Slugger turned up in his Biggles flight jacket it was ‘chocs away’ as we took up positions at the bar for the next couple of hours.
Treddy and Martin “Febreze” Smith appeared soon afterwards. It’s always good to see Treddy out and about and Martin was wearing the same free “Stella Artois” shirt that Vinny had got for us all to wear to the cup final two months ago. Naturally we assumed that he had it on because we were going to presentation. “Coming with us to the cricket club then Mart?”
“No”
“But aren’t you wearing the same shirt from the cup final?….oh forget it”
Still, at least he now has something smart enough to be married in. At the opposite end of the scale, Vinny was dressed like a miniature Sicilian assassin in a sharp suit and tie.
Having put a few away we grabbed a 7 seater to NMCC and I lost the ‘person in the front pays’ competition. The taxi driver had one of those loudspeaker megaphones in the car for some reason and must have regretted not hiding it once Slugger had got hold of it and started giving him directions at 127 decibels with the windows up.
The place was packed and the singles final was in full swing. Vikash rallied from 2-0 down to beat Ankur 6-3 and run out a comfortable winner. In a surreal moment the Vikash AKA The Indian Elvis was cueing up the final black when Elvis Presley’s “The Wonder of You” began on the jukebox. Perfect timing, unlike Ankur’s cue action. He played ok but I’ve seen him play better and I think he just made a couple of wrong decisions at key moments, but still a fine effort.
The Bear was continuing his winning streak. He bought a round that cost £16.25, gave the woman a twenty pound note and got back…£16.25 in change! However he still moaned like a girl about having to hand 5 pound to Coach who had correctly predicted that Ankur would win three frames.
We collected the summer league section winners from last year and Slugger made the amazing discovery that the trophies didn’t bounce when he dropped his and smashed it on the floor. After adding the Winter League premier winners and the cup winners Magic put them into a plastic bag and slung it over his shoulder. He then went hunting down John Molley of the Thatched to start lauding it up but it backfired when JM pulled out league top averages trophy that he had nicked off Magic by one frame.
*Digressing Alert*
I have to say that John is one of the few remaining landlords that really gives a damn about pool. The league is always going to be full of players happy just to turn up, get the fixtures and get on with it and that’s fine, but there aren’t many prepared to put some extra work in. I have no objections to people wanting to play each week and nothing else, but the league lives and dies by those prepared to step forward and help out. He puts time in to being on the committee and his pub supports two league tems, puts on good food and (the notorious pillar notwithstanding) has a good pool table. There’s not enough landlords like this who put the effort into keeping a good table. Years back you could name most landlords in the Thames Valley League and their pubs, nowadays it’s a rarity. I can count on one hand the places where you actually have a reasonably level table that’s in good nick. I’m not taking the high ground here and demanding perfect playing surfaces but whether you are playing in the premier or in the lower leagues nothing pisses you off more than watching a ball roll out by two inches and it costs you the frame. John deserved the averages recognition as much for the work he puts in as anything else.
*Digression Alert Over*
Back at presentation night, the “Anne Middleton Womens Benefit Trophy” AKA the Ladies Singles was won by…Anne Middleton. The lady is streets ahead at the moment in the local area.
Bracknell BAPL didn’t turn up to receive their trophies. Someone told me that Dave Bryant had been told the venue and the date but then wrote down somewhere else.
The Golden Cross boys called for a taxi home. A taxi arrived and the driver muttered something resembling ‘cross’ so they got in and started out for Twyford. It was only as they headed in the opposite direction towards Slough and questioned the driver that they found out it was actually a taxi for “Ross” instead.
With the festivities over we piled back into town after a quick stop off in Racks to drop off the trophies. Tony, the captain of Racks Maniacs was looking worse for wear. He had been telling us at presentation that now he was captain of a side he was going to make his mark in Racks this season and he certainly did that when he threw up down the side of the bar. Repeated warnings from the bar staff were not heeded. But being the complete gentlemen he went straight back to the pool table to carry on playing rather than clear it up and have his opponent wait for his shot.
Meanwhile the rest of us bit the bullet and moved off to Smokey’s. Slugger was so annoyed at not being there earlier he tripped over an advertising board outside the estate agents in his haste to get there. We arrived just after the nick of time and doubled the attendance to ten people! An hour later and it had rocketed to 15 people.
Eventually it picked up and it was time for some of the team to get down with their bad selves. With his height advantage Brad is an instant spot on the dance floor. In fact he is so tall that if you stand next to him I swear you can hear the ocean. Him and Slugger had unfortunately grabbed the attention of a six foot woman that looks like Chyna the female wrestler. She appears to be a bit psychotic and gives the impression she’s been cocked more times than John Wayne’s gun.
Neil is the first casualty of the night when the battle between his dodgy knee and his drunken body was won by his knee, and he was off to the train station.
Some drunk girl plants herself between me and my mate Scott telling us that she is just waiting for her friend. Twenty minutes go by before we realise that there is no such friend at all. Now she’s been rumbled, she asks which one of us would like to walk her home. Walk her home? We could have rolled her home! She had the figure of a space hopper and the vital statistics of a beach ball and those were her good points.
I tapped out at around 2am and left Coach, Slugger and the Bear to the remains of the evening. The Bear had moved onto the Vodka and Red Bulls and appeared to be getting a second wind - or maybe even a third - either way it spells bad news for us all and I’m off. The other three stick it to the very bitter end. Good night and goodnight.
-------------------------------
Back to Monday night’s game, and the ‘drying out’ from Saturday had left us soberer than usual and perhaps at the top of our game. Slugger led off for a change and won two after St John missed a fairly simple black in the second one. I put up a dish from the break and JY, Vic and the Coach were not troubled too much. Brad made his first appearance of the season and was back in the groove with two good finishes but it was left to Neil to fail where others succeeded. Perhaps it was the tiredness, or perhaps it was the colour copy of his photo from the blog that we had pinned up on the wall. Either way he was total budge.
The last thing to wrap up is of course the ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’. It’s ground breaking stuff this week as the shot was not only an attempt that missed but also it was by one of the opposition – a double whammy. I hate to say it but I forget the player so we will have to edit it in later on - I think it was Wayne. Anyway, in the final frame against Coach and with a few potting options he weighed up the situation.
“If I take on the three ball plant and pot it can I win the Pointless Flair Shot?”
How could we refuse?!? So even though the attempted pot missed we have to give it him anyway for totally embracing the concept of the shot having flair and of course being totally pointless. Now that’s progress!
I’m away for the next few weeks so I leave the blog in the capable hands of the editor – remember you can email abuse to him at rackspack@hotmail.com and I encourage you to do so.
--------------------------------
Thank you former Coach "Wonder" Walls, I look forward to the receiving feedback from other teams who attended the presentation night. I find it particularly refreshing to know even though you have been drinking since you were three, that you suffer as much as the rest of us!
Keep your eyes peeled in the next few days for our next player profile, featuring the most hated man in pool, the legend that is Bradley Robinson. During next weeks report we'll dip into the mailbag again.
Keep Cueing!
Some drunk girl plants herself between me and my mate Scott telling us that she is just waiting for her friend. Twenty minutes go by before we realise that there is no such friend at all. Now she’s been rumbled, she asks which one of us would like to walk her home. Walk her home? We could have rolled her home! She had the figure of a space hopper and the vital statistics of a beach ball and those were her good points.
I tapped out at around 2am and left Coach, Slugger and the Bear to the remains of the evening. The Bear had moved onto the Vodka and Red Bulls and appeared to be getting a second wind - or maybe even a third - either way it spells bad news for us all and I’m off. The other three stick it to the very bitter end. Good night and goodnight.
-------------------------------
Back to Monday night’s game, and the ‘drying out’ from Saturday had left us soberer than usual and perhaps at the top of our game. Slugger led off for a change and won two after St John missed a fairly simple black in the second one. I put up a dish from the break and JY, Vic and the Coach were not troubled too much. Brad made his first appearance of the season and was back in the groove with two good finishes but it was left to Neil to fail where others succeeded. Perhaps it was the tiredness, or perhaps it was the colour copy of his photo from the blog that we had pinned up on the wall. Either way he was total budge.
The last thing to wrap up is of course the ‘Pointless Flair Shot of the Week’. It’s ground breaking stuff this week as the shot was not only an attempt that missed but also it was by one of the opposition – a double whammy. I hate to say it but I forget the player so we will have to edit it in later on - I think it was Wayne. Anyway, in the final frame against Coach and with a few potting options he weighed up the situation.
“If I take on the three ball plant and pot it can I win the Pointless Flair Shot?”
How could we refuse?!? So even though the attempted pot missed we have to give it him anyway for totally embracing the concept of the shot having flair and of course being totally pointless. Now that’s progress!
I’m away for the next few weeks so I leave the blog in the capable hands of the editor – remember you can email abuse to him at rackspack@hotmail.com and I encourage you to do so.
--------------------------------
Thank you former Coach "Wonder" Walls, I look forward to the receiving feedback from other teams who attended the presentation night. I find it particularly refreshing to know even though you have been drinking since you were three, that you suffer as much as the rest of us!
Keep your eyes peeled in the next few days for our next player profile, featuring the most hated man in pool, the legend that is Bradley Robinson. During next weeks report we'll dip into the mailbag again.
Keep Cueing!
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