Season Preview

Cueists, fantastic news!

Exploits of The Racks Pack have reached far and wide, to the point where the well known web broadcaster American Sports Network (ASN) has decided to feature our team in their weekly podcast! Check out www.asn.com/podcast/budg/rackspack to download it. As a special treat for those who can’t download podcast (the ASN server is playing up) here is the transcript of their summer season preview:


“Hi there and welcome to the Maidenhead Pool League summer preview, I’m your host Pat Butterscotch and to my left is a man who needs no introduction, Randy Ogre. Hi there Randy.”

“Hi Pat.”

“Well Randy, can it really be that time already? Is the world of high speed all action pool in the near Maidenhead area upon us yet again??”

“Yes it is Pat and I for one can’t wait. We’ve got a season of world class pool ahead of us, and if this season isn’t a hum-dinging, rip-snorting, helter-skelter of a season then my name isn’t Randy Ogre! When I told my young son that break off time was only a few days away, well his face just lit up. It warmed the cockles of this old mans heart!”

“I feel you there Randy! Why all I heard at the wig menders this morning was ‘Hey Pat, can the Racks Pack do it? Can they really win the title this year?’ and do you know what - I just don't know.”

“Well that's why we’re here Pat. And hey, I was in the supermarket yesterday lunchtime and I was reminded of you when I picked up a can of my favourite tinned peaches and read that they also come ‘set in a thick heavy syrup’.”

“What are you trying to imply Randy?”

“Oh nothing Pat, I’m just ribbin’ ya! So, onto the season and where do we start? Let’s take a look back at last year and remind everyone of what happened. After scraping past The Thatched Cottage on the deciding frame, the final was fought out between the Pond House and the emerging Bracknell BAPL side. Notable mentions also go to the other Thatched side - who put out Racks - and of course the Forresters who fell at the semi final hurdle, having chinned the Racks Pack on a sudden death decider during quarter finals night.”

“Golly yes, what an evening of pool we had on ‘Grand Slam’ night at the Bell. Four quarterfinals, and three of them right down to the wire. I like my pool matches to be like my women - exciting, tight and involving a coin toss to see who goes first.”

“Ooookay… moving on to this season, let’s look at the Racks Packs team and their section and see if we can unravel this enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a warm cardigan of reds and yellows.”

“Let’s start with the name change Randy, I see they have gone for Racks Pack II this year. Is this an improvement or should they have stuck in an animal name like ‘Racks Racoons’ or maybe a play on words like ‘Racks Deserting The Sinking Ship’?”

“Pat, I spoke to Coach Walls last week and he said simplicity is the key this season. The guys seem to struggle to spell anything with more than five letters unless its their own name, and the fact that the second word almost rhymes with the first makes it a lot easier all round”

“That's good thinking by the coach.”

“You better believe it Pat. Coach Walls is leaving nothing to chance this year after the mistakes last season when they stupidly wrote down the name ‘Andy Tredwell’ for the decider against the Forresters instead of Keith Walls.”

“Sweet mercy! We wont forget that screw up in a hurry. Say, whatever happened to ‘the Tredmill’?”

“He is out of there Pat. During the winter the whole franchise sat down and analysed how to separate the wheat from the chaff, he fell into the category ‘chaff’. So he has now been sold off to the rival Racks team. Tredwell paid a heavy price for that loss to Jason Gilbert.”

“How did they afford the fee Randy, because he can’t have come cheap?”

“The rumour is that the sale was bankrolled by a guy called Leo who is from Racks itself and is coughing up the money in regular monthly payments from now till Christmas.”

“Interesting.”

“It sure is Pat, it suuure is.”

“So let’s run through the line up and see what’s in store for the fans this season. Well, the ladies will be pleased to know that despite getting a ring on his finger Kevin ‘Slugger’ Southam retains his place as under-vice-sub-committee-captain-in-waiting.”

“That's good news not only for the ladies watching at home but also those down at the Honey Pot whose profits really took a downturn when the Racks Pack season wrapped up earlier than expected.”

“Absolutely Randy, those purveyors of the prancing poledance really had it bad after that loss to the Forresters. It’s gotta be a tough break for the wallet when some of your best customers just don't appear on a Monday evening.”

“You've hit the nail on the head Pat. A crushing blow for an establishment where less is defiantly more, and a Zorro mask and white tennis socks are the ensemble du jour.”

“Was that French Randy?”

“It sure was pat mon petit filous”

“So tell me, who else can we look forward to this season?”

“Pat, coach Walls is expected to play a more prominent role this time around. You may remember that he missed a lot of the season when he was farmed out to Frankfurt in Germany to attend a meditation clinic at the feet of a Zen master. It was there that he tried to focus his mind more clearly, so that he could actually concentrate more on his game and try to lose that lackadaisical attitude he seemed to have. They say he ‘found himself’.”

“Jeepers creepers Randy - all that Zen jiggery pokery must have really come in handy for the Maidenhead singles this year. Say, just how did he get on against Birdy in the semi final?”

“Let’s just say he found himself, forgot to exchange addresses, and subsequently lost himself again…err… moving onwards, Brad ‘the bear’ Robinson - chauffeur to the rich and famous - is back”

“Hey, now that really must be a shot in the arm for the Honeypot to see the big man and ‘the slugger’ back in the saddle again!”

“You’re way ahead of me there Pat. Those profits will soon be soaring and I hear that the owner already has a down payment on a new Jaguar and he expects to have it paid off by September. The big old bear doesn't mind putting his money where he hopes someone else’s mouth should be and assuming he doesn't abandon the team like he did last year those ladies could be finding something nice in their stocking this season.”

“That's right Randy, I'd almost forgotten about him running off three days before the quarter final to spend a week on holiday with Robert Uzzell!”

“You might have forgotten Pat but let me tell you Coach Walls hasn't. The Bear is on some thin ice this year and he is going to have to pull his thumb out to win back the respect of his fellow professionals.”

“Randy, I saw the doubles final and Robinson played like broken tambourine.”

“As usual you’re right Pat. It was lucky for him that Ray Wootton was like the M6 that night, lots of services and hard shoulders, whilst Robinson, well frankly he stunk the joint out”

“What about that guy from the North of England, is he still there?”

“John Young?”

“No, the other one, Neil Cameron”

“He’s from Scotland Land Pat! The home of Guinness!”

“Isn’t that Northern England Randy?”

“God-damn-it Pat – you’re right, I’ve just looked it up on my atlas. It’s the biggest county in Northern England!

"That's good geography Randy, that's why you’re the articulate brainy one and I’m the sports…commentary…presenter…type guy.”

“Coming right back at ya Pat. Yes, Neil is in for a second year and he really impressed last time out in his rookie season. After a mild attack of the yips in the first game of the season he really came good, well and truly earning his nickname Neil ‘105.4’ Cameron – he was magic allll the way!”

“You mentioned the great JY there a minute a go, and I suppose the burning question the viewers will want to know the answer to is…can we expect to see him in the building after 10:15 pm?”

“Whoooahhh, slow down there big fella that's something that not even God himself can predict. But I’d say the smart money is on no. This guy has more emergency exits than a 757. The only thing guaranteed to tumble out of the bar quicker than JY is Coach Walls’ 100% record!”

“Randy, I hear that Lee Greenwood is mixing up his love of the greyhounds with Monday night pool. Is it likely to have an affect on his performance?”

“No way Pat, this guy is as solid as a Racks Pack II ceramic mug which, incidentally, is available in our gift shop for only three ninety nine! This guy has more bad habits than an amateur dramatics production of Sound Of Music! If anyone can combine an unhealthy gambling habit with solid, grinding pool it’s him, and that can only be good for the rest of the side.”

“And what about the new guy they have on board, Daryl Hill, what can you tell us about DH.”

“Pat, I can’t say enough about this new guy, so I wont even bother. Next question”

“Randy, sum it up for us, what is going to happen this season”

“Pat, I will put my reputation on the line and say that these guys are winners and that this race for the pennant is going to end in a happy finish for all those Racks Pack fans.”

“Randy, you don't have a reputation”

“I’m hoping to gain one from this preview! I see the guys topping a weak-looking section that comprises of WAMSAD, Golden Cross A, Grenfell Rats, North Maidenhead cricket club and the unknown Woodlands Park British Legion”

“There are some serious heavyweights in that list Randy but I like your moxy and you sound confident”

“Pat, we are talking flair, flair, flair all the way. This team has got more flair than Robert Uzzell’s wardrobe! The random draw has put up a group of death consisting of the Pond House, Bracknell BAPL and the Thatched Cottage Cheese. Big names are gonna fall into a vat of mediocrity and that's must spell good news for our boys. Squad rotation and sufficient rest should see them cruise to the play offs and after that it's anyone’s ball game! A good pull in the knockouts and it's the glory trail for this bunch of handsome bananas.”

“Randy, I like the cut of your jib and I agree - these guys are just smooth enough and talented enough to pull this off. Let’s hope they can bring the silverware home for all the good folks out there in pool world.”

“Well, it looks like the clock has beaten us again and we have to go, but remember to tune in each week as we bring you all the action of the Racks Pack season. I’m Randy Ogre”

“And I’m Pat Butterscotch. Thanks for joining us, look after yourselves and remember the golden rules - don't let Gary Hoad borrow your cue, and don't let me be a stranger at the bar. Goodnight.”

© ASN 2007

Laters,

The Dream Team.
K&K.