Week 3 Captain's Report - Away versus NMCC

Man Down Man Down!
or, why fourplay is better than six.

History is littered with tales of triumph over adversity - those moments in time where individuals rise up to become a greater force than the sum of their parts. You can’t help but be moved by any of the following:

The Charge of the Light Brigade - 600 men ride into battle against 6000 during the Battle of Balaclava.

Napoleans defeat by the British-led Wellington at Waterloo.

The Battle of Britain - where the inexperienced pilots of the allied forces outgunned the German Luftwaffe.

That Chinese fella who stood in front of the tank in Tianemen Square.

And of course, who can forget the ten men of Ireland beating Holland 1-0 to put them out of the 2002 World Cup qualifiers?? [Note from the editor – are you sure that wasn't one of your wet dreams Keith?]

Well finally there’s another one to add to that list, because in years to come old hippies will gather wherever stories of days gone-by are told, and raise the question - "did you ever hear the tale of how the Racks Pack won a pool match 7-5 with only four players?"

I know what you’re thinking, it must be a typo or maybe the team has been licking toads again. Perhaps Kevin, (my understudy-vice chairman-sub-captain in waiting) hasn't edited this weeks report properly because there is no way they could have won 7-5 with only FOUR men. Well, I’m afraid you have read it right and it did happen.

Things started off in the normal way - which basically means we were scrambling for players. Lee’s replacement Darryl failed to make it for the second time. John 'late notice' Cornell couldn't live up to his nickname as he was working, and as usual Brad threw in the "I cant make it - working" text message at 7:30pm. So despite the return of Kevin 'the slugger' Southam, it was business as usual with just him, JY, Neil and myself attempting to steer the good ship “Racks Pack” through another Monday night of stormy waters.

Thanks to another 45 minutes of ringing around, by 7:55 my mobile phone bill had gone through the roof for the second consecutive week. JY and I have tapped up more players than a Chelsea scout in the last few weeks. The scruples we had maintained the previous week in respect of who were begged to play for us were disregarded as the gloves came off and we tried everyone. Best excuses were probably:

"Leo, it’s Keith. Can you get to Racks tonight to play pool for us"

"I’m standing at a baggage carousel in an airport in Southern Spain"

"So that's a no then ?"

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………

And the classic:

"Shall we try Danny Rajput"

"I don't think he will make it. He had a heart attack three weeks ago."

"Yeah but he's out now isn’t he and it wont affect his pool arm - ring him."

So after fighting our way through the 27 players Dom “poacher” Taylor has signed up for his team, we finally left Racks with only four players and headed for North Maidenhead Cricket Club.

First thing I did on our arrival was to apologise to their captain (which is also becoming a regular part of Monday nights). With us having four players it meant that two of their players wouldn't have a match in the first half and then another two would miss the second half.

Having rode the flak from Neil '105.4' Cameron about my nincompoopery in trying to get a side every week, I stressed that I wanted nothing less that maximum effort from all concerned.

Leading from the front I went on first, won my frame and set the standard to follow. 4-1 down after one frame was new ground even by our shoddy standards. It was vital we made the most of the first four frames but Kevin had other ideas and decided that a four frame start for NMCC wasn't enough, and promptly lost to Jonny Hague. Unfortunate to snooker himself on the black, it led to some cat and mouse stuff for ten minutes before Jonny finished it off. 5-1

JY made it 5-2 when Jim 'Pretty Boy' Floyd went in off a yellow leaving JY two on the black and when Tracey Dawkins potted the black four reds to early against Neil it was 5-3 at the break.

Only having four players helped remove the tricky team selection issue for the second half and we went out in the same order. I beat Stefan Bond who probably should have cleared from the break. Kevin 'the redeemer' Southam pulled out a mighty finish for 5-5 and suddenly it was game on!!

JY's excellent clearance attempt stuttered on the black, but he then produced shot of the night and “Pointless Flair Shot of the Week” when he slammed in a double on the black rather than just cut it into the middle.

So it all came down to ' 105.4'. Last week he played to put us 6-5 up and left me with the task of stealing the glory; this week it was on his shoulders to seal the unlikeliest of victories. His opponent broke and potted three off the break - the dish was there for 6-6. All he had to do was hold himself together. But, a la Sergio Garcia at the open, he failed, and with the win in sight he lost position, handing Neil the initiative and the chance to steal the frame. Two visits later and ‘105.4', eyeing up his final yellow, lived up to his nickname and produced a ‘magic’ pot, screwing off it majestically to leave a straight black in the centre. In it went for 7-5. Move over Wellington!

Incredible scenes of jubilation followed. JY and I attempted a Mexican wave, and even the boxer dog running around the club seemed overwhelmed by the sheer scale of what we had achieved. We signed some autographs (or result cards, I can’t remember exactly) and headed back to Racks to celebrate with a couple of soda waters.

Hopefully this will be the last week of this farce. Brad 'the most hated man in pool when he can be bothered to turn up' Robinson is in Falaraki next week so at least we have some notice this time of his absence. [note from the editor - comments previously attributed to this blog regarding Mr B Robinson have been removed at the request of his lawyers. This blog wishes to express that it has nothing but the utmost respect from Mr Robinson, and has full respect for his human rights. Abuse of transexuals is something this website abhors, and we would like to wish Mr Robinsons speedy recovery from the operation.]

*Latest news*
Vice-under-committee-sub-captain-in-waiting Kevin and myself have scheduled a press conference for later this week. We will be revealing a new signing to Racks Pack, a player of such stature – literally – his signing will rock the league. His contract negotiations have proved tortuous though, making the Carlos Tevez deal look like a Panini sticker swap. And so, subject to our mystery player passing a medical, we will have five players minimum for the all important top of the table clash with the Golden Cross at Racks next week. If we can just 'borrow' someone else we might make six.

If anyone fancies applying for the job and doesn't mind getting dropped once we have our six players back, then don't forget the blog address: rackspack@hotmail.co.uk.

Happy cueing.