Dear Racks Pack...

As avid and regular readers [should that be a plural - ed] of the racks packs blogspot you'll know that we have recently started our racks pack mailbox. In case you need reminding, the address is rackspack@hotmail.co.uk.

To say that we have been impressed with the response would be a lie. However we are men true to our word, and thus today we open up the racks mailbox, rummage around inside, and see what gems you, the rackspack reading public, have come up with.

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Dear Racks Pack,

I have a ‘friend’ who has been taking a lot of stick from his pool team because he hasn't made any of the matches so far. However he has just found out that the vice-captain-understudy-commander-in-waiting failed to tell his team members he is on holiday next week and has left the team in the lurch (yet again).

Should my friend give the vice captain a good kicking for being a two faced buttmonkey or should he say nothing as his own track record is hardly something to shout about??

Radley Bobbinson, Beaconsfield.
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Well Radley, this is indeed an intriguing question. You admit that your friend hasn't bothered to turn up for any matches, which in itself is a disgrace. But when your sub-captain-second lieutenant- grand order of the buffalo-in-waiting then mails you on a Thursday saying “by the way I forgot I'm on holiday next week with the missus” then I think slapping him about a bit is the least he can expect. Crack on in my opinion

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Dear Racks Pack,

I have more men under me than the Grand Old Duke of York!! For some reason I signed up everyone in my local snooker club, and trying to keep all forty two of them happy in a 12 frame a week pool league is proving difficult. Maybe I shouldn't have nicked a player from one of the other sides playing from our venue. I honestly think the team is multiplying like some bizarre scientific experiment. It's worse than Mickey Mouse and the broomstick in Fantasia !!

What can I do ???????

Tom Taylor, Maidenhead
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Tom, (if that is your real name), I'm afraid you have been hoisted by your own petard! At least it helps spread the payments for the sandwiches, our team are paying almost £3 each now just to cover it as we only have four players each week!

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Dear Rack Pack,

Hey Racks pack – great tipping by Neil ‘Magic 105.4’ Cameron on the golf. Garcia was unlucky but at 40-1 was a great pick. This guy should have his own website in my opinion and you lot should be paying him - not only for the information but for his winning appearances every week for your team of two-bit half-baked has-beens.

Mrs Lucy Cameron, Reading.
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Lucy, it was indeed an excellent pick. Lets hope a few people got on and made a bit of cash. Look out for a football preview in the future. By the way, did you know that you have exactly the same name as ‘Magics’ wife ?

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Dear Racks Pack,

you lot are the biggest bunch of prix I have ever met. I would punch you all out but I don't want my hands to touch your ugly faces.

Anon
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You know where we are if you fancy spending the remainder of the summer sucking hospital food through a straw you half-wit!

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Dear Racks Pack,

I'm a long time reader but first time caller. I watched Keith Walls play at the World Masters at Blackpool this year, and he has the finest miscue-cum-scuffed drag shot I have ever seen. How many years has it taken him to perfect such a bad cue action and has he ever got it right?”

Kris Melling
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Kris, quite simply the answers are 16 years and ‘No’ he has never got it right.

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Dear Racks Pack,

I cant believe this!!! I sent my mail yesterday, came home after work and found another three players hiding in my downstairs toilet!!! This is getting beyond a joke!

Tom Taylor

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Dear Racks Pack,

Guys take me back!! Im sorry for running out on you but I didn't realise how desperate you are for players, and how, when my team captain promised me regular games, he meant once a month!

Andy ‘turncoat’ Tredwell
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We are not that desperate you Judas !

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Dear Racks Pack,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…I offered to come and play for you, neigh, begged to come and play but you said ‘no we have enough players’. Now whose laughing HA HA HA HA!! If anyone else drops out you wont have enough to even provide your own referees ha ha ha ha ha ha…….

D Bartlett (Noctors Captain with lots of players at his disposal)
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What can I say, we are paying the price for such woeful recruitment strategy. I can only apologies to all those who asked to play but were blown out like cheap wedding confetti.

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Dear Racks Pack,

Racks – keep a stiff upperlip – if anyone can pull it off, it's you Coach Walls, you're the greatest!!

Kelvin Switham
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Thanks Kelvin , that's a real boost.

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Dear Racks Pack,

Kevin ‘the slugger’ is the greatest second since Angelo Dundee, simply fabulous. If I could hug him in public I would

K. Wells, Langley
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Thank you for the feedback Mr Wells. I'll pass on your comments

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Dear Racks Pack,

I don't believe this , Ive just found another guy in the bread bin , where are they coming from?????????”

Tom Taylor
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*Toms email address has subsequently been added to our spam filters*

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Dear Racks Pack,

Rock bottom prices for your rock! Be the best lover immediatly! Reply to receive details of this exclusive offer!!!

Andreas C. Haveahardon
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Thank you very much for your kind offer Andreas, but this team of roving reporters needs no help in the department! Besides, the reply you received from us was by accident and we didn't mean to send it...
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Well, that's it for this weeks mailbag. We will open it again very soon - once we have defused all the virtual letter bombs and removed the hate mail.

Yours in pool,


K&K.